The Phone Age..The Life cycle of a Teenager's Cellphone

Hello readers. If you're expecting some travel and living documentary about the ergonomics and engineering of a cellphone then you're lost. This is definitely not the blog for you. This post is concerned with a very recent purchase that I made of a brand new phone (a certain HTC One series phone). So that got me thinking... why not write a blog post about our first phones and their slow transitions. I remember the days when I was in High School... Cell phones didn't really become a trend until we hit the 9th grade. That was when they became all the rage and those who owned one were the envy of others. Back in the days (the 1990s to be exact), only the rich kids owned a cellphone and cellphones that time were heavier that a brick (looked like a brick too) and they were the perfect revenge weapon (self defense too! Just give him one and he lands the top  spot in the emergency room). Trust me, for those who are unfortunate enough to be born in the 2000s, the phones were super huge! And the most popular brand was Nokia. For a little visual aid, just look at the monstrosity that we considered 'cool' back then!

These babies were thicker than some of our waistlines back then. It was ginormous! But being without one was like choosing to be a social pariah. That time my dad did not believe that "kids my age' (I was 12... -_-) should own cellphones (which didn't stop him from throwing his at our faces whenever he had the chance). His 'rational argument' was that, "Children like you should focus on your studies so that you can get into good collages after that. Not spend time SMSing your friends and boyfriends (he gave me a very evil eye at the word 'boyfriends')". Oh, Puh-lease dad! Like the college thing ended up great anyway. So during those two years, I was literally categorized into the social pariah group in the 7th and 8th grades. We were the sullen ones who mooned in the corner because we couldn't join into conversations that involved phrases like "text", "replied" or "credit".

Then from the 7th to 8th grade onwards it was all about camera-phones with high megapixels and that was when Sony Ericsson butted in and rocked Nokia's world. Everyone literally ran to the stores to purchase the latest phone with the highest megapixels and resolution (this was also the time that the "duck-face" photo pose was invented). The conversations transitioned from "He didn't text me today, what should I do?" to "How does this picture look?". All the social pariahs were now upgraded to loser status. Luckily for me and not so luckily for them, i officially resigned from the League of Extraordinary Social Inadequates and joined the League of Super Trendy Cellphone B*tches. Taking photos was the bomb! Everyone was so into it until it became an outdated thing and suddenly smartphones were the schizz.

And trust me, smartphones were not so great looking back in the days...they were large, bulky and weighed more than some of us these days. This was the time for Palm Pilot to shine. they were the biggest manufacturers of smartphones and they made teenagers around the world plenty happy. their Then Blackberry realized that they could also win this game... tenfold and so they cam,e up with their own version of the smartphone... one that allows another user of the same smartphone to chat for free, without any cost. Hence they devised the much thinner and more delectable QWERTY smartphones.Faster texting that is enough to outrun Usain Bolt and (finally) replying speed that is enough to give Michael Phelps a run for his money.

So then qwerty pads started to get annoying because they made this irritating clicking sound and they replaced it with the even more annoying touchscreen. the touchscreen then was not equivalent to the touchscreen now because the touchscreen then enabled teenage girls to outgrow their nails so they can be long enough to tap the screen with. This resulted in the threshold of annoyance, the redundant tip-tap-tip of girls on their cellphones. I believe this was also when O.P.I Nail Lacquer companies made their profits. Then loudmouth mothers and annoyed fathers complained to the phone companies and they finally came up with non-nail-responsive touchscreen phones (aka. they were more silent). They were also admittedly thinner, faster and kept you connected to the world!

So I believe that smartphones are not only a liability but they have made our generation-and I quote in meme terms- le stupid. Instead of making communications easier they have made our wallets emptier and our Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Kik more annoying. But still... who doesn't want a phone that is way smarter than them, eh?

And that, kids is how the mobile phone has evolved throughout time. Thank you all for tuning into the Tech Savvy and the Technology Illiterate show! I'm your host Jenny and we'll see you in a few days!

xx

I do... not yet

Morning bloggers and readers. The inspiration for today's post is marriage. Recently I have been plagued with questions from my other friends on "Did you know blah blah got married/is engaged/ is going to get married this weekend?" Whoah, Whoah, WHOAH! Do I hear the 1800s knocking on the door? What happened to the conventional I-wont-get-married-until--establish-my-career-first paradigm? Since when was getting married in college a sudden trend? The worst part, I cant keep up with this trend. 75% of my friends are happily married. How is that is even plausible. In my mind, I cannot even begin to fathom the idea of me being somebody's wife. Is there a handbook for that?

If there ever was it would definitely be titled The Clueless College Chick's Guide to Being Someone's Wife. How fitting -_- I'm not saying if someone proposed to me I wouldn't consider it, but the likelihood of me agreeing quickly to it is one in a hundred million. Besides the whole process involves a few impossible to fulfill steps. 

- Scanning (aka stalking)

- Selecting (aka seducing)

- Attacking (aka getting together)

- Captured (aka no escape)

STAGE 1: SCANNING

Computer geeks, sorry to disappoint but this has nothing to do with the technical computer scanning. Now leave. This is the stage whereby we all begin by scanning the gene pool (the good side) for potential candidates. We cant just close our eyes and pick whatever comes our way! How ridiculous does that sound! What I mean is. dont go for the impossible. Go for the possible and make him impossible to get (Shit, look at me giving out advice like I'm freaking Nigella Lawson ). At this stage, the rule is to look but dont stare. Staring is rude but looking is your right, its your eyes so look all you want, stare at your own risk. So after scanning, just move forward and then strike while the iron is hot! This means you fight tooth and nail to discover their real name, then google them and start looking through your friend's  Facebook/Myspace/Instagram photos for them. Then you stalk them for a maximum of 2 months - 1 month for those who aren't patient (No more, no less!) and then after that its the anonymous inbox. This involves in-boxing your object of your stalking with something creepier than the Joker's face. NEVER send them something like,

"Hey gorgeous, I saw you walking towards [insert location here] and I wanted to get to know you better, so I found your profile and added you." Seriously? He's gonna think you're the fucking witness protection program or something. Calm down, why in the world would you hint that you were stalking him for? Tis inbox will often be rewarded with a big, fat BLOCK plus an IGNORE (ouch).

Desist from sending them shit like this,

"Hey sexy, I wanna F*** with you and [insert the nastiest comments here]" or "You make me so [insert the sleaziest comments here]" That will give you a one way ticket to Pervert Town. So instead of sending crap like that, send some thing simple like "Hello", "Hi" or even "How are you :) ". They will most likely respond and hesitate to click the block button even. so from this stage comes the next stage.


STAGE 2: SELECTING
Also known as the seducing stage. This is where you start communicating regularly with them to the extent that when they dont respond to your texts you think of possible reasons why they couldn't reply. You become a raging maniac by checking their status update and contemplating on whether you should comment or not or like it or not. At this stage, your mind is filled with only the person of attraction hat you dont realize how crazily you're reacting. at this stage, Facebook chats become, Skype exchanges and then Kik buddies and ultimately Whatsapp/Kik buddies. Also, in this stage seduction is key. If you screw up in this stage, you screwed up the whole thing. Some of the major screw ups involved in this stage is when both parties are over excited when it comes to replying their texts or replying too soon or replying too late. I swear by the 5 minute rule- wait for 5 minutes and then respond because that way, if he/she is interested then he might try harder to gain your attention instead of you giving him your full attention like the confetti at the 4th of july parade.


STAGE 3: ATTACKING

In my definition this stage is better known as the getting together stage. Now it may sound easy but then its difficult as fuck! Firstly most text buddies seem to wonder how in the world they would get with that person. Simple- a fucking first date will suffice. The problem is how to ask the person out without sounding like a Pee Wee Herman at a kid's Bar Mitzvah. Even simpler. Just make your first outing together a casual thing and tell him to invite his friends and say that you will invite yours. BULLSHIT!

It is a well known psychological fact that when both parties say they will invite their friends to an outing they usually turn up alone and hence you both get that alone date that you always dreamed of. The next step is the actual date itself. Most of us make the mistake of pretending to be busy with our phones (especially those cursed with a smartphone) whenever the moment gets silent and awkward. DESIST and ask even the dumbest questions. That way he will think you are an amazing girl who is open minded and really cool. SHIt, he's just going to get to know you better. From there on, several dates will occur, but how they occur is the mind boggler. It is a known tradition that the girl usually waits for the guy to call/text. What the fuck for? this time, the woman should calm her tits and ask him out so that he wouldn't think you're uninterested and ignore you.

STAGE 4: CAPTURED
Perhaps the best stage yet (to some) is the trapped stage or the no-escape stage. this is when you have them at the palm of your hand and when they cannot escape and have no choice but to ask for your hand in marriage or they would lose you to the next guy. of course i'm being sarcastic here, they CAN escape but they chose a more tortuous path and choose to marry you instead. Simple mechatronics.


So all in all guys, I'm not some relationship phobic girl, I'm just a normal girl who is trying to escape from being married too early (while trying to avoid those aforementioned steps). We're not in the era of Tutankhamen, we're in the millenia and unlike Kim Kardashian, not all of us have men who throw themselves at us at every chance they get. If you want true love, you get up on your fucking ass and follow that stripper named Destiny and she will lead you to another one called true love.

Ahoy mateys!

PS: This post is not a jab, jib or jibe at any insanely young married couples. Its just an expression of my opinion and if you do feel insulted, sorry brah, I cant help you out there. Either read it and weep or GTFO. All hail the freedom of speech.


xx