Long Distance Relationship

Hello movers and shakers, ladies and gentlecreatures and welcome to OCTOBER! A new month warrants new experiences, posts and new laughs. So far... 2015 has been an amazing year for me. I met the love of my life, made some very good new friends and have somehow progressed job-wise. Nonetheless, the first half of 2015 breezed by freaking fast and then here we are, it'd October. October...how I'm going to grab you by the balls and make you mine! Now one new experience for me this October will be experiencing for the first time in my life... A Long Distance Relationship (i.e. LDR). 

If someone came up to the old me 4 years ago and asked how I felt about a long distance relationship, I would honestly say defiantly and with the utmost confidence "Hello No!". But when faced by the same question at this moment I would say "Hell yeah!". Wanna know why? Because I have found my soulmate. I am in love with someone whom I want to make this work for. The fact of the matter is that long distance relationships scare me. A lot. I have this paranoia and fear that I would be seen as uninteresting, or he might have second thoughts there and leave me or even worse... we might drift apart. Well FUCK no. I won't let that happen at all. Nontheless, the fear still exists within me. 

So yesterday was the day I bid goodbye (not forever) to my boyfriend who had gone back to his native country of Germany upon completion of his 8 month internship here. It was the best and worst day of my life. Best because I got to spend the whole day with him by my side, worst because it was like watching half of me walk away. It was also very emotional at the airport with me bawling my eyes out (I even had to go into emergency not-the-right-moment-to-wear-pitch-black-shades moment) and I continued to cry when I left the airport and read the birthday card he wrote me. I also wrote him a super long letter detailing (not all but 50 percent) of how i felt towards him and our relationship which made him sentimental. He did have tears in his eyes when we said our goodbyes at the airport which me me feel like protecting him from the big bad world. 

And so as I write this post, I find myself in an LDR sitch. And this is only day 1 of about 70++ days until I see him again which will be a HUGE challenge. It will be so difficult but my love for him will make me strong enough to wait for him. And besides, luckily I live not in the Stone age but the age of technology and innovation which presents various opportunities to keep in touch with  each other aided by the internet. This is something we plan to fully utilize. Our everyday texting routine will continue and we will have weekly SKYPE sessions. Also, we plan to spice things up with... Skype movie dates, book reading days and various fun activities that will keep our love alive. 

Guys, LDRs aren't easy at all. In fact, they can be very hectic but it all depends on communication and commitment. I know it's only the first day and I don't know how It would be the coming days and weeks, But i believe that I can make something happen! I will make it work. We will make it work. 5 months in, eternity to go baby. I hope to post more regularly now as I have been neglecting my blog far too much. I'll make it a point to post one post per week. Hopefully that works out too.

To cap it all off, when you love someone you will always find a way to make it work. Oceans, seas or land won't be a barrier at all. 

El Oh Vee Ee (Baby Don't Hurt Me)

No. Not a review about that one song that made Haddaway popular. Also not a a Hallmark epic about how I found the love of my life on a fine sunny day. Erm.. close. Hello future Hemmingways and Thatchers! Welcome to another long awaited but lazily postponed post detailing the misdemeanors and adventures that are almost non- existent in my life. Today's installment is about love. Or as I like to call it, El Oh Vee Ee. I know it has taken a while to fully understand but I finally get it. I get why artists are so adamant about expressing their undying love for their unknown interest. I get why people are weak in the knees when they're with the one they love. I get why epics were written about them. I also get why people kill for the ones they love.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in love. Not with myself, but with an actual human being that has limbs, walks and talks and breathes. After the failed... 2 relationships that I've had before (Bosnian guy & German guy), I never thought I would ever let myself succumb to a man. After those two experiences, I never really bothered with men ever again because they were all evil in my eyes and I was better off alone. But now... things have changed. My faith in men has been restored. And the person responsible for this feeling that I literally can't explain is  Cody**. I explained how me and Cody came to be in this post. As you all know, I am not the most expressive person. I'm not your regular Sally Fulloflove or Linda Lovemore. But with this guy, I transform into those two and even more! 

He has positively influenced me and made me understand what love means. So in my interpretation, love is the feeling you have when that person's happiness automatically becomes yours. When that person's achievements make you proud. When that person can't be imperfect in your eyes and will always set the highest bar for everyone else. When you can't get enough of that person. When you still get butterflies even though you are comfortable with that person. When even the sun's warmth cannot match the intense warmth you feel when you think about or are near that person. Love is also much more than this. Everything is intensified.  Love also knows no color, just the beauty of the soul. The best part about love is when it's being reciprocated on the exact same level.

Look at me. If I compared myself to me 3 years ago, we would be two different people when it came to how we felt about love. Man, some people can either f**k love up for your forever or restore your faith in it. Cody was that guy who restored it for me. And the only thing I want right now and for the months, years and centuries to come is for Cody to be a part of them. 

In conclusion, I hope this post wasn't too modern Shakespearean for you and that this would give you something to think about in the coming future. If you'd like to share our thoughts on the topic of love, scroll to the absolute last part of this page and you will see a form filler. Fill in the details and the questions and I will do my absolute best to answer them and even feature them here.  Until then, to infinity and beyond!

 ** Names have been changed to protect the identity of the person and frankly it's none of your business knowing the real name

Finally.

Dear ladies and gents, whores and s'mores, bears and beavers and men and women, I am very happy to announce that after more than 5 years of being uniformly single... I am now multiple. Just kidding. But really the God of Bad Relationship Luck can remove their unkind curse on me because baby I'm in a relationship! I have found Him. H.I.M. He exists in the form of my wonderful boyfriend Cody**- who's German by the way. There, I said it. I have a boyfriend. Read this and weep stalkers!

As of right now, I am in a state of bliss. Things are going too well. I have an active relationship. A hot boyfriend and I'm just in a good place right now. Many of you are wondering how, when, where, how and (maybe) why this came to be. Well beautiful people, I shall bestow upon you the privilege of knowing how this came to be. It all started on this wee lil' dating app which will not be mentioned here.

So what happened was that we started text-ing each other to the point that we agreed to meet in person. To be honest I had my doubts about him at the beginning; he barely had any except for one photo of his (barely visible) face, his description was hilarious but a little suspect as well and I just wasn't comfortable or ready to meet him yet. So because I already had plans with my best friend R*, I just combined both our outings into one huge group outing. So at the end of the night, not only was he better acquainted with me but also with 6 other people.

The next night we also went out in a group and frequently started text-ing each other after that. Then came a point on Sunday when he asked me out on an exclusive date- exclusive as in just me and him- that coming Friday and let me tell you it was UH-May-ZING! It was by far one of the best dates I have ever been on in 2015 thus far. I literally couldn't control my smiles around him after that. I couldn't stop thinking about him after that either. And we both couldn't stop text-ing each other after that.

This feeling that I currently have towards him is just immense and amazing too. I honestly have never felt this way for anybody in my life- thus far. And the best part about this is that this feeling is being reciprocated-TENFOLD. And trust me guys, it's great to know that someone is out there who actually misses you and actually wants to be with you. Fantastic.

We've both agreed to take this to the next level... being Nutella mates. Just kidding! We've mutually agreed to do whatever we can to make this relationship last for long. This is unlike the others I've bee on. This is serious. So serious that I'm so scared that this might all be a dream which I will wake out of someday and only hope it would be real. Except it's not a dream. It's my reality.

Finally.

Things NOT To Do After A (very messy) Breakup

Hi bloggers and beautiful readers and random creeps who stalk this blog! This article is probably long overdue but there is a reason why I want to write about this now. I have been single for almost 3 years now and this has given me a lot of time to analyze myself deeply. It just occurred to me that after my ex and I broke up, I did a number of  things that make me cringe when I think about it now. Also another reason I decided to write this is because once and for all my breakup goggles are off. But what are breakup goggles you ask:

Break-up Goggles: These are figurative (or invisible) goggles that one wears immediately after a breakup and see the world as a depressing place while losing the will to die and/or function.

We all go through breakups, some messy and some similar to the battle scene in 300. But there are ways to properly handle a breakup. I could have just given you a list of things to do after a messy breakup but I realized that there is already an abundance of those lists lying around the World Wide Web. I have come up with 6 helpful tips on things to avoid after going through a messy breakup.

1. Eat Everything

I know, I know, it's really hard not to eat when your life has been turned upside down by the person you thought you were going to have kids with but chill with the snacks! Yes, food was and will always be your best friend in harsh times but for f*ck's sake, this isn't the Depression ok? It's just a breakup! Eating won't bring him back nor will it make you feel better in the long-run. Drinking too, so drinking yourself into oblivion won't change anything except damaging your liver for some guy/girl you broke up with. When you notice your waistline increasing then that would be an eternal reminder of that time your broke up with [insert name here] and ate yourself silly. Also unless you want people to start making Free Willy jokes or Godzilla memes inspired by you- easy on the food. Eat in moderation and remember, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. 

2. Listen to Non-Motivational Music

There are many songs and artists that fall into this category. Some of the more prominent artists that fall into this category are Taylor Swift, Adele, Frank Ocean, and Kelly Clarkson.

These people have sung too many songs about breaking up and Taylor Swift's songs have even encouraged several revenge hints too. Some songs that are good to avoid in this situation are:

- "Boston" by Augustana,

- "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce

- "Song to Say Goodbye" by Placebo

- "F*ck it (I don't want you back)" by Eamon 

- "How Could You Bring Him Home" by Eamon

- "Someone Like You" by Adele

- "40 Kinds of Sadness" by Ryan Cabrera

- "A Little Too Not Over You" by David Archuleta

- "All Good Things (Come to an End)" by Nelly Furtado

- "Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo

- "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie

- "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz

- "Come Back to Me" by Vanessa Hudgens 

- "Come Back to Me" by Utada Hikaru 

- "Forget You" by Cee Lo Green

Of course there are more songs but these are only the tip of the depression iceberg. Also, refrain from Marilyn Manson, Black Sabbath or any Satanic music that advises you to perform a sacrificial ritual as a form of revenge. 

3. Stalk his Social Networks

Look, it doesn't matter whether he broke up with you because you were suffocating him, or that he did it because he fancies another woman-do not stalk him! Speaking from experience, after we broke up I stalked his Facebook profile right after he changed his relationship status to single and then started monitoring his page to see if any girls would post messages on his wall. All I could say was that it brought me nothing but misery and distress and thinking back, I wish I'd never done it at all. Trust me guys, it's not worth it seeing e.g. Stephanie* posting on your ex-boyfriend's wall/timeline about what a great time she had with him today and could they do it again soon? or Lucas* posting the same thing your ex-girlfriend's wall/timeline. Live and let die, live and let die. 

4. Use breakup quotes, lyrics and poems as the central focus of your status updates. 

We've all done it. We've all posted status updates that very clearly, heck obviously hint at your ex. Whether it was how "I don't need you and can live without you" poems or "Exes are like an appendix- they seem important but aren't" quotes or even "there's plenty of fish in the sea" bullshit, just don't make him/her the central focus of your updates! 

And the worst part is that these insults are so thinly veiled that Stevie Wonder can see them from a mile away! Its these kinds of posts that show your friends and your mutual friends with theirs that: YOU. CLEARLY. HAVEN'T. MOVED. ON. YOU. SAD. PATHETIC. CREATURE. It would be great to stay away from Facebook after the breakup (I know it's hard but just try as hard as you can) to allow some time to cool off and think clearly.

5. Let yourself go

This is the most common behavioral change that one undergoes after a breakup- they stop caring about their appearance, health and overall body image. You have to understand and remember that you did not exist to please your (now) ex-partner. The way you looked before you met them was due to your effort, concern and actually giving a shit about yourself and how you seem to others. Wearing sweatpants and frequenting dark alleys is NOT the way to go. People usually do this because they are convinced that they will nobody will like them so why should they care how they look? For the love of Mike, get off the point of no return and start climbing back to the pedestal of your life. Smelling like you use Chuck E. Cheese as your deodorant doesn't help either. So please, go back brush your teeth twice a day, using proper perfume/deodorant and looking less like Hagrid (for the men) or Peppermint Patty (the females). 

6. Start a new relationship/meet someone new and expect them to commit 

Remember that guy/girl you met a week ago who bough you a drink, danced with you and exchanged numbers with you? And then you guys met again after a week and hooked up and said drunk "I love yous'" and cuddled until the next morning? After that he/she added you on Facebook/Twitter and you notice that he/she recently uploaded photos of them kissing other girls? And then you went on a rant and confronted the, about it and they pointed out that you guys aren't dating so why are you freaking out? Then you blocked him/her and never spoke to them again? Fucking hell, if you recognize this scenario then you have most likely gone through it. Leaping onto a new relationship straight after you've suffered a messy breakup is called a rebound because your feelings right then and there are less than sincere. You either want to fill that empty hole left behind by your ex or you happened to get along with this new person at the wrong time. Just take it slow and be friends for a while before getting into something serious. 

I know that messy breakups are very tough and really difficult to get over but with time a patience you can definitely do it. If you have any breakup stories you'd like to share with me, just drop me an email in the form below and I will try to help you as much as I can. 

Disclaimer: Everything written here is solely based on my experience and doesn't apply to everybody so don't get all fucked up if it doesn't work out for you. Fucking hell! 

It's Official: Part II

Hi there everyone! October 11th. Wow, I cannot believe it's officially been two years since I broke up with that good for nothing sonuvagun! Last year I wrote this article about how I've gotten over him and how I've moved on and found myself. Well this time, I'll be relaying what has happened so far since that post. One year has passed and I'm still single!  I don't know whether I should cry or laugh at this statement. Sometimes I try to speculate on what is wrong with me? Why haven't I gotten a boyfriend yet? I mean, for God's sake I'm gonna be 23 very soon and here I am, an aging moke who's void of commitment. Okay, fine, perhaps I would be lying if I said I've never gotten any courtship offers from guys. In fact, I have been asked to be somebody's boyfriend several times but because of my impossibly high standards (read this to find out more on my ludicrous standards) I end up rejecting them. 

Rebounds have never crossed my mind at all in this one year because I think that's the most terrible thing anyone can do to someone. I mean, playing with someone's feelings and stringing them along just to satisfy your selfish need for closure/revenge? That's just mean and frankly, cruel. The word "settling" has often disturbingly crossed my mind and there was a time when I nearly settled for someone. This happened a few months ago when I was on a night out and this guy peaked my interest. We exchanged numbers and basically saw each other and hung out whenever we had the chance. Throughout our close friendship I noticed several signs that told me he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I started to panic and completely changed my behavior towards him (No, I didn't kick him to the curb or bust the windows out his car) by being more distant and withdrawn. That didn't seem to quell his pursuit of me and when he finally asked me I told him I'd think about it. I spent a whole week avoiding his calls and ignoring him until I finally decided that I wouldn't find anything better and that I would have to settle for him. But when I met up with him I mentally changed my decision on the spot and decided NOT to settle because I valued myself too much and valued him too much to expose him to future heartaches that would be instigated by me.

Another reason why I haven't made an effort to date anyone is because I am not ready to trust a man yet. The most probable reason for this would be my experience with that ex of mine. The fact that I've been watching too much Lifetime movies about abused women in relationships who end up getting killed by their overly jealous boyfriends doesn't help. Neither does listening to Adele and Frank Ocean's songs (I'm still sure they've both been hurt by the same man). I feel like if i did get into a relationship, the guy would just eventually get bored of me and move on to someone better and then I'd be all unhappy again. In this respect, I've learned to love myself and being single because the key to learning to love someone is to love yourself first. That is something I'm doing right now, focusing on myself before actually jumping into a relationship. 

Updates on my ex, I heard he is married to this Austrian girl. I can't help but think that was way too fast! I mean it hurts to think that he got over me fast enough to get married already. Anyway, I wish him all the best in life and hope he found what was void in me in someone else. No hard feelings anymore. Another valuable lesson I've learned from this dating experience is that breaking up, being dumped or being betrayed by someone shouldn't affect you so much. Heck, if I spent the whole year thinking about every single thing he is doing, I would never be over him. Having a personal intervention is important too. This is where you seek sanctity in yourself by engaging in self-loving activities. Finding yourself and realizing that nobody in this world can dictate your value/self-worth will contribute to the betterment of your self esteem. Like I mentioned before, stop thinking of what could've been and whether the reason why he left you was because you did something wrong... Another thing you could do is to make use of your singlehood and ENJOY IT! And remember, take this single time to actually be all about YOU and not YOU and HIM. Don't worry, be happy. :) And also remember that: 

Failure: That Red Eyed Monster

Hello readers! I know it seems like this is going to be another entertaining and fun post but judging from the per-mentioned title, its not. This post will re-count everything that I have failed at in the past few years. Like the common plebeian individual, I have failed at a numerous number of things starting from childbirth and ending at where I am right now-seated at a crappy computer at my college PC room and tapping away at the noisy keyboards (cringe!). Since childbirth I have failed to be pretty enough for society to accept me. I have failed to properly pronounce my vowels and sentences (but that was successfully broken at the age of 4), I have failed to maintain my personal hygiene (another obstacle that was successfully broken at the age of 13 ) and I have failed to listen to my parents when I wanted to do what I wanted to do (to say the least I was that one child in every family who was already predestined for Hell).

Today, of all days, I realized what a failure I am. That I had failed at so much but hadn't bothered to acknowledge those failures. Now I totally know how Kevin Federline felt when he had to buy his own CDs. The peak of failure has indeed been reached.This feeling of being a failure was all caused by my mid-semester exam results for one of my subjects where I failed. And the worst part, all I needed was one more point to score.Sadly, no matter how much I tried to reason with my distinguished teacher, she refused. Now that I think about it, I wasn't doing much to elevate the image of black people by begging to her. Anyway, at this point (as I type this morose sounding paragraph), I realized that I had not only failed that exam but I had also failed at achieving what I wanted to achieve in life insofar.

I had a well thought out plan on what I wanted to achieve before I turned 25 and most of those were pathetic sounding now, but they were solid gold back then. The first thing that was on my list was to become a world class fashion designer who was close enough to all the celebrities that I could invent nicknames for each of them (eg. Britney Spears- BriBri, Gaspard Ulliel- Gaz, Ian Somerhalder- Somoooo, and etc.). I really had it all worked out for e and in order to prepare for that, I started drawing dresses and coming up with fashion lines and potential names for them too. Then my dad decides to send me to this run down mill of a university that did not offer a single course on fashion. So that plan was shattered.. [INSERT: I wonder what happened to my book of designs? Last I heard, they were back in my country rotting away and sometimes being used as toilet paper substitute]

Then I had a dream of having the best boyfriend in the world who would always be there for me and support me through everything and etc. I was so close to having that until distance became an issue and then I had to settle for a Balkan Hulk instead- which didn't work out great either. In the end, as I sit here typing, I am currently boyfriend-less with so much non-platonic love to give but no one to give it to. I mean I wouldn't say that I am lonely... (...or am I?) Bullshit. So evidently, when I got back my result for that damned subject today I realized these things and it made me almost want to end my life. (I seriously told my friend that i was considering putting a bullet through my medulla oblongata and thus, ending it all). Then I realized, this is a chance for me to prove that even though I failed the mid term exams, I could definitely scrape through with a great grade for my finals. It didn't mean that the world is over for me, It just means that a challenge has presented its behind to me and I was gonna kick it to oblivion.

The Moral lesson kids is that; when faced with failure, immediately go to your local drugstore, purchase a capsule of250 sleeping pills, go back home. swallow them all and I'll see you in the afterlife. KIDDING** But seriously, Calm the fuck down and think about the many things that you have succeeded in instead of the shit you have screwed up. That should make you think twice about visiting the pharmacy for non medical reasons. Remember: Your failures in life do not define you.

Until then, my well of wisdom is drying up so read everything with care and take care.

xx Jenny. 

**PS: I shall not be responsible for any moron who takes this advice seriously and ends up pulling their own plug on their lives. My intention is to crack some ribs with humor; not kill you.

I do... not yet

Morning bloggers and readers. The inspiration for today's post is marriage. Recently I have been plagued with questions from my other friends on "Did you know blah blah got married/is engaged/ is going to get married this weekend?" Whoah, Whoah, WHOAH! Do I hear the 1800s knocking on the door? What happened to the conventional I-wont-get-married-until--establish-my-career-first paradigm? Since when was getting married in college a sudden trend? The worst part, I cant keep up with this trend. 75% of my friends are happily married. How is that is even plausible. In my mind, I cannot even begin to fathom the idea of me being somebody's wife. Is there a handbook for that?

If there ever was it would definitely be titled The Clueless College Chick's Guide to Being Someone's Wife. How fitting -_- I'm not saying if someone proposed to me I wouldn't consider it, but the likelihood of me agreeing quickly to it is one in a hundred million. Besides the whole process involves a few impossible to fulfill steps. 

- Scanning (aka stalking)

- Selecting (aka seducing)

- Attacking (aka getting together)

- Captured (aka no escape)

STAGE 1: SCANNING

Computer geeks, sorry to disappoint but this has nothing to do with the technical computer scanning. Now leave. This is the stage whereby we all begin by scanning the gene pool (the good side) for potential candidates. We cant just close our eyes and pick whatever comes our way! How ridiculous does that sound! What I mean is. dont go for the impossible. Go for the possible and make him impossible to get (Shit, look at me giving out advice like I'm freaking Nigella Lawson ). At this stage, the rule is to look but dont stare. Staring is rude but looking is your right, its your eyes so look all you want, stare at your own risk. So after scanning, just move forward and then strike while the iron is hot! This means you fight tooth and nail to discover their real name, then google them and start looking through your friend's  Facebook/Myspace/Instagram photos for them. Then you stalk them for a maximum of 2 months - 1 month for those who aren't patient (No more, no less!) and then after that its the anonymous inbox. This involves in-boxing your object of your stalking with something creepier than the Joker's face. NEVER send them something like,

"Hey gorgeous, I saw you walking towards [insert location here] and I wanted to get to know you better, so I found your profile and added you." Seriously? He's gonna think you're the fucking witness protection program or something. Calm down, why in the world would you hint that you were stalking him for? Tis inbox will often be rewarded with a big, fat BLOCK plus an IGNORE (ouch).

Desist from sending them shit like this,

"Hey sexy, I wanna F*** with you and [insert the nastiest comments here]" or "You make me so [insert the sleaziest comments here]" That will give you a one way ticket to Pervert Town. So instead of sending crap like that, send some thing simple like "Hello", "Hi" or even "How are you :) ". They will most likely respond and hesitate to click the block button even. so from this stage comes the next stage.


STAGE 2: SELECTING
Also known as the seducing stage. This is where you start communicating regularly with them to the extent that when they dont respond to your texts you think of possible reasons why they couldn't reply. You become a raging maniac by checking their status update and contemplating on whether you should comment or not or like it or not. At this stage, your mind is filled with only the person of attraction hat you dont realize how crazily you're reacting. at this stage, Facebook chats become, Skype exchanges and then Kik buddies and ultimately Whatsapp/Kik buddies. Also, in this stage seduction is key. If you screw up in this stage, you screwed up the whole thing. Some of the major screw ups involved in this stage is when both parties are over excited when it comes to replying their texts or replying too soon or replying too late. I swear by the 5 minute rule- wait for 5 minutes and then respond because that way, if he/she is interested then he might try harder to gain your attention instead of you giving him your full attention like the confetti at the 4th of july parade.


STAGE 3: ATTACKING

In my definition this stage is better known as the getting together stage. Now it may sound easy but then its difficult as fuck! Firstly most text buddies seem to wonder how in the world they would get with that person. Simple- a fucking first date will suffice. The problem is how to ask the person out without sounding like a Pee Wee Herman at a kid's Bar Mitzvah. Even simpler. Just make your first outing together a casual thing and tell him to invite his friends and say that you will invite yours. BULLSHIT!

It is a well known psychological fact that when both parties say they will invite their friends to an outing they usually turn up alone and hence you both get that alone date that you always dreamed of. The next step is the actual date itself. Most of us make the mistake of pretending to be busy with our phones (especially those cursed with a smartphone) whenever the moment gets silent and awkward. DESIST and ask even the dumbest questions. That way he will think you are an amazing girl who is open minded and really cool. SHIt, he's just going to get to know you better. From there on, several dates will occur, but how they occur is the mind boggler. It is a known tradition that the girl usually waits for the guy to call/text. What the fuck for? this time, the woman should calm her tits and ask him out so that he wouldn't think you're uninterested and ignore you.

STAGE 4: CAPTURED
Perhaps the best stage yet (to some) is the trapped stage or the no-escape stage. this is when you have them at the palm of your hand and when they cannot escape and have no choice but to ask for your hand in marriage or they would lose you to the next guy. of course i'm being sarcastic here, they CAN escape but they chose a more tortuous path and choose to marry you instead. Simple mechatronics.


So all in all guys, I'm not some relationship phobic girl, I'm just a normal girl who is trying to escape from being married too early (while trying to avoid those aforementioned steps). We're not in the era of Tutankhamen, we're in the millenia and unlike Kim Kardashian, not all of us have men who throw themselves at us at every chance they get. If you want true love, you get up on your fucking ass and follow that stripper named Destiny and she will lead you to another one called true love.

Ahoy mateys!

PS: This post is not a jab, jib or jibe at any insanely young married couples. Its just an expression of my opinion and if you do feel insulted, sorry brah, I cant help you out there. Either read it and weep or GTFO. All hail the freedom of speech.


xx

Easy Steps to being my Boyfriend (Lucky, lucky)

Good day fellow Bloggians! Indeed i have been on hiatus as expected but then I come with good news so don't sacrifice me to Kali alright? In the months that I have been missing...(Whoops!), a countless number of things have happened to me and those around me. I noticed some very disturbing things about my life. Firstly, that for the 3 years that i have been studying in my course, I am still not satisfied with it. I mean, my original line of study was Fashion Designing just so that i could walk in the same wavelength as the likes of Marc Jacobs, Zac Posen, John Galliano, Anna Sui and etc. Too bad Dad thought it was an "unreliable" line of study and decided to place me in some university i never heard good things about. Until today I regret not secretly signing up for  Elite Fashion Academy or the Parsons School of Design and then hopefully being accepted so that my dad would have no choice but to let me study there.

The second thing that I find especially disturbing is that  I'm still single. What the heck is this? What's fucking wrong with me? Could it be that I'm not up to the Attractiveness Standards of some men? Or could it be that I myself have set some impossibly high standards for the men.

O.O

Well, my criteria for what i want in a guy are so simple to accomplish. Its not like I require a guy to get me a magical unicorn that was sent down by Zeus and fulfills my every worldly wishes... *quickly scratches that off he list*. Hey! But if that was possible why not? ~_~ Ultimately what I want in a guy is:

1. He can be of any race (except certain races which i shall not mention for fear of being branded a racist towards that specific race)- but preferably European (Hispanic <3) or Australian.
2. He doesn't have to be too well off but well enough to support us.
3. He must have a viewable face.
4. He MUST NOT be shorter than me. Special cases where he is allowed to be the same height as me is when he is so impossibly gorgeous that my brain immediately overlooks his height.  
5. He has to tolerate me.
6. He MUST buy me an eagle as the dowry for our marriage PLUS the money. (Special Cases where he cant find an eagle and gets me an Owl instead.)

And this here is a deal breaker...

    7. He HAS to have a sense of HUMOR (You know, the feeling where he has to laugh?)

Yes, and that's my amazing list of things i want in a guy. Not so hard to accomplish right? Jeez, Jenny, you might as well die old and wrinkled... STFU, you damn conscience! :) So at the end of the day hats what's been disturbing me. And to make matters worse, i feel like the second issue has been slapping itself on my face.  95 percent of my buddies have boyfriends. Out of that 95%, 70% are engaged, 20% are married and the 5% are unsure....possibly confused. I swear to God, if a guy with all these qualities accidentally tripped in front of me (and he looked like Sean Faris/Armando Torrea/Cam Gigandet/ Corey Sevier/ Ricardo Medina Jr/ That guy from White Collar/ Any hot guy) i would definitely catch him!

So note to self: Jenny STOP HAVING SUCK A FUCKED UP LIST OF EXPECTATIONS IN A GUY! ;-D

Until then, En Garde people! 

xoxo