Best. Date. Ever.

Hi my fellow, beautiful, amazing, fantastic readers! Yes, indeed I am in a great mood today due to the beautiful events that occurred to me earlier today. So remember that Scottish guy that I met on Tinder who I briefly mentioned in the previous post? Well for those of you who missed it, I met this amazing guy on Tinder two months ago and we have gone on two dates prior to the recent one yesterday. 

Yesterday/This morning's date was literally the best date I have ever been on in my entire, sad and almost non existent dating life. It was almost magical and definitely unforgettable. He was very kind, nice, funny and very, very good company. We started off the night with going to a very famous Skybar in the city center and despite not finding seats and finally moving onto another bar, he was happy that I took him there and showed him the place. We moved to a different rooftop bar/restaurant and sat down for drinks when we were interrupted by someone who couldn't take a hint that we were on a date. The guy overstayed his welcome until we left him to a group of other people and then moved on with the date.

We then moved to another bar and had a few drinks there (non-alcoholic for me), danced the night away  until we took a break and stood outside. We talked for a bit until I caught him staring at me. Helped by my 4.5 inch wedge heels, I was standing almost level with him (he's 6ft 3inches and I am only 5ft 6inches) so when he moved closer to me there wasn't any hassle about craning my neck. He looked into my eyes and then leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips. Finally! I wanted him to kiss me when we went on our second date but I guess he was too nervous and had too much respect for me to do it. The kiss was so good. It lasted a while before he pulled away, stroked my face and kissed me again. 

Basically when we got the chance to be close, he would kiss me as much as he could. At one point he moved from my lips to kissing my neck and lightly massaging it. The one thing I noticed about him while we were kissing is that his hands always stayed on my face and never ventured to explore my body like most guys' hands usually do. He was always caressing my face and stroking my cheekbones and the closest he ever got to my body was placing his hands on my waist. I liked this very much because it showed that he wasn't trying to rush into getting a good f**k out of me. The night ended with another kiss and I went home smiling wider than the Cheshire cat. 

To be honest, I secretly have high hopes for this thing to work out but at the same time I don't want it to proceed in case it goes jarringly wrong and I have to go all emo again and swear off guys. I mean, I'll never ever tell him this but I really like him. So much. I don't want to like him so I can protect myself from being hurt but I can't help it at all. It's something I can't avoid. 

Hopefully, more will happen after the pending fourth date and hopefully I can finally get closure in the whole sad, 23 year old-single-woman thing.

I do... not yet

Morning bloggers and readers. The inspiration for today's post is marriage. Recently I have been plagued with questions from my other friends on "Did you know blah blah got married/is engaged/ is going to get married this weekend?" Whoah, Whoah, WHOAH! Do I hear the 1800s knocking on the door? What happened to the conventional I-wont-get-married-until--establish-my-career-first paradigm? Since when was getting married in college a sudden trend? The worst part, I cant keep up with this trend. 75% of my friends are happily married. How is that is even plausible. In my mind, I cannot even begin to fathom the idea of me being somebody's wife. Is there a handbook for that?

If there ever was it would definitely be titled The Clueless College Chick's Guide to Being Someone's Wife. How fitting -_- I'm not saying if someone proposed to me I wouldn't consider it, but the likelihood of me agreeing quickly to it is one in a hundred million. Besides the whole process involves a few impossible to fulfill steps. 

- Scanning (aka stalking)

- Selecting (aka seducing)

- Attacking (aka getting together)

- Captured (aka no escape)

STAGE 1: SCANNING

Computer geeks, sorry to disappoint but this has nothing to do with the technical computer scanning. Now leave. This is the stage whereby we all begin by scanning the gene pool (the good side) for potential candidates. We cant just close our eyes and pick whatever comes our way! How ridiculous does that sound! What I mean is. dont go for the impossible. Go for the possible and make him impossible to get (Shit, look at me giving out advice like I'm freaking Nigella Lawson ). At this stage, the rule is to look but dont stare. Staring is rude but looking is your right, its your eyes so look all you want, stare at your own risk. So after scanning, just move forward and then strike while the iron is hot! This means you fight tooth and nail to discover their real name, then google them and start looking through your friend's  Facebook/Myspace/Instagram photos for them. Then you stalk them for a maximum of 2 months - 1 month for those who aren't patient (No more, no less!) and then after that its the anonymous inbox. This involves in-boxing your object of your stalking with something creepier than the Joker's face. NEVER send them something like,

"Hey gorgeous, I saw you walking towards [insert location here] and I wanted to get to know you better, so I found your profile and added you." Seriously? He's gonna think you're the fucking witness protection program or something. Calm down, why in the world would you hint that you were stalking him for? Tis inbox will often be rewarded with a big, fat BLOCK plus an IGNORE (ouch).

Desist from sending them shit like this,

"Hey sexy, I wanna F*** with you and [insert the nastiest comments here]" or "You make me so [insert the sleaziest comments here]" That will give you a one way ticket to Pervert Town. So instead of sending crap like that, send some thing simple like "Hello", "Hi" or even "How are you :) ". They will most likely respond and hesitate to click the block button even. so from this stage comes the next stage.


STAGE 2: SELECTING
Also known as the seducing stage. This is where you start communicating regularly with them to the extent that when they dont respond to your texts you think of possible reasons why they couldn't reply. You become a raging maniac by checking their status update and contemplating on whether you should comment or not or like it or not. At this stage, your mind is filled with only the person of attraction hat you dont realize how crazily you're reacting. at this stage, Facebook chats become, Skype exchanges and then Kik buddies and ultimately Whatsapp/Kik buddies. Also, in this stage seduction is key. If you screw up in this stage, you screwed up the whole thing. Some of the major screw ups involved in this stage is when both parties are over excited when it comes to replying their texts or replying too soon or replying too late. I swear by the 5 minute rule- wait for 5 minutes and then respond because that way, if he/she is interested then he might try harder to gain your attention instead of you giving him your full attention like the confetti at the 4th of july parade.


STAGE 3: ATTACKING

In my definition this stage is better known as the getting together stage. Now it may sound easy but then its difficult as fuck! Firstly most text buddies seem to wonder how in the world they would get with that person. Simple- a fucking first date will suffice. The problem is how to ask the person out without sounding like a Pee Wee Herman at a kid's Bar Mitzvah. Even simpler. Just make your first outing together a casual thing and tell him to invite his friends and say that you will invite yours. BULLSHIT!

It is a well known psychological fact that when both parties say they will invite their friends to an outing they usually turn up alone and hence you both get that alone date that you always dreamed of. The next step is the actual date itself. Most of us make the mistake of pretending to be busy with our phones (especially those cursed with a smartphone) whenever the moment gets silent and awkward. DESIST and ask even the dumbest questions. That way he will think you are an amazing girl who is open minded and really cool. SHIt, he's just going to get to know you better. From there on, several dates will occur, but how they occur is the mind boggler. It is a known tradition that the girl usually waits for the guy to call/text. What the fuck for? this time, the woman should calm her tits and ask him out so that he wouldn't think you're uninterested and ignore you.

STAGE 4: CAPTURED
Perhaps the best stage yet (to some) is the trapped stage or the no-escape stage. this is when you have them at the palm of your hand and when they cannot escape and have no choice but to ask for your hand in marriage or they would lose you to the next guy. of course i'm being sarcastic here, they CAN escape but they chose a more tortuous path and choose to marry you instead. Simple mechatronics.


So all in all guys, I'm not some relationship phobic girl, I'm just a normal girl who is trying to escape from being married too early (while trying to avoid those aforementioned steps). We're not in the era of Tutankhamen, we're in the millenia and unlike Kim Kardashian, not all of us have men who throw themselves at us at every chance they get. If you want true love, you get up on your fucking ass and follow that stripper named Destiny and she will lead you to another one called true love.

Ahoy mateys!

PS: This post is not a jab, jib or jibe at any insanely young married couples. Its just an expression of my opinion and if you do feel insulted, sorry brah, I cant help you out there. Either read it and weep or GTFO. All hail the freedom of speech.


xx

The Stalker Series: Jessica Lowndes

Hello everyone! Following my recent laziness to update my blog I decided to post at least one post every week. Hm.. sounds fair doesn't it? So in a series of blog posts, i have decided to create a new series called the Stalker  Series. the Stalker Series is like a mini series about some celebrities -male and female- that I either envy, crush on, or have an affinity towards. Enter the life of me that is filled with 13-year old dreams and 50 year old delusions. Evidently, the Stalker Series wont be as creepy as TMZ or as pathetic as PerezHilton.com. So for today's episode, the celebrity that is fortunate enough to be my object of affection is... (as the damn title suggests) Jessica Lowndes. For those of you who are not familiar with her click on this fabulous link ------> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Lowndes  and a timeline of her life shall unveil before your eyes (plus unnecessary information about her highs and lows but i guess if you want to know the important bits you can always log onto this website ------> perezhilton.com/tag/jessica_lowndes/).

To give you a pictorial description of this fine specimen:

Jessica Lowndes

Now Let me describe what a beauty she is. Jessica Lowndes is like Megan Fox + Angelina Jolie + Mila     Jovovich on the scale of ridiculous hotness. I first saw her in Beverly Hills 90210 (the remake with the thinner and more anorexic cast who act like they're on prozac 24/7 ) and hat was when I had a temporary lesbian crush on her and that developed into a permanent heterosexual crush on her. I mean, what's there NOT to like? She's gorgeous, she has a bubbly personality (even though she played the role of an utter bitch on the show) and the best part is that she's not skinny! That gives a great message that you dont have to be skinny to be beautiful. I mean she's not the typical hungry looking celeb, she's well fit and looks great too! I hoep she doesn't turn out like some celebrities who lose weight and become the equivalent of a chopstick. No wait, chopsticks are fatter than her- right, angel hair pasta- soon to be thin like a needle. So all in all, she's one for whom I would definitely go lesbian for. If I were ever to write a vampire series i would definitely employ her to play the lead vampiress. so stay tuned for my next celebrity crush whose name starts with a H.......... . See ya later, perpetrator!

MUAH! 

XOXO, Jenny.