The Stalker Series: Lupita Nyong'o

Hola senor and senora readers and bloggers alike and welcome to the latest installment of The Stalker Series! This week, we have, hailing all the way from East Africa, the ever so beautiful, ever so gorgeous and ever so talented, Lupita Nyong'o! Let me clear the dilemma that most people face when it comes to pronouncing this traditionally African name (as I recall a lot of people faced this same dilemma when it came to pronouncing the name of world famous African writer and poet, Nugugi wa Thiong'o ). It's pronounced Lupeetah Nyeeong-oh, not Lupitaah Neeeeeong-ow or Lupeetah Neeong-oh?, but Lupeetah Nyeeong'oh. The same pronunciation also applies to Ngugi wa Thiong'o, in case you were wondering. 

 I bet a lot of you are wondering, where did this woman come from? I've never seen her in any movies before? Did she do the Kardashian and suddenly shoot to fame? To all three questions; Lupita has been around for a very long time, heck, she's 30! One of the reasons's why there is this sudden hype about her is that she starred in the critically acclaimed movie 12 Years a Slave which also stars Michael Fassbender, Benedict Cucumberbatchface, and that guy who's in so many movies but nobody really knew his name until the popularity of this movie a.k.a Chiwetel Ejiofor. This movie is what really put her in the spotlight and of course with her stunning beauty and flawless complexion (Why couldn't I have that complexion?! Life is unfair!) she caught the world's attention. 

She also starred and directed a myriad of movies including East River and Non Stop (2014), and rumor has it she's being piled up with many other movie roles! Lupita has made East Africa (and Mexico) proud and continues to stun audiences with her amazing performances. Also writing about her made me think about what her fans will be called. Should we call ourselves Nyongers? Or Lupitites? Or Lupiters? Take your pick, because I'm definitely all three! As usual, I will sign off this post with links to everything about her for your stalking pleasure:

Her Instagram

Her Twitter

Her (FAN)Website

Her Facebook Page

Dear Audrina... (i.e. answering hate-mail)

Hi readers and bloggers alike and welcome to the latest installment of Confessions of a Rambling Douchess! Today's episode features a very (badly worded) recent hate-mail, a couple of witty comebacks and the biggest face palm in the history of face palms! It all began this morning when I having a nice cup of honey green tea at work. I was busy stalking some people as usual, dealing with irrate and really irritating interviewees while single-handedly trying to win level 26 of Candy Crush Saga (that annoying level that has those really tough to crack jelly). And then I get an email *ping* from my phone. I placed my tea on the table and anticipated a humorous joke from one of my high school friends. What do I see instead? A very beautifully written email from a certain somebody who has been reading my blog. Her name...is Audrina. And here is the holy message:

Wow. If your eyes didn't grow to the size of saucers after reading this wonderfully written message then something's wrong with you. I mean for the love of Mike, Audrina is clearly telling me how she really feels about this article. I mean it bothered her to the point that she had to exhaust her vocabulary to actually write 3 whole lines! My goodness, I understand her pain! Her poor fingers must be all worn out. Ladies and gentlemen, what Audrina emailed me is called constructive criticism. Why? Because it's comments like these that  train me not to give a shit about what other people say. Especially when what they're saying is pointless and meaningless.

Which brings me to my reply to this sweet, stupid and innocent child.

>Hey Audrina! Thank you very much for your wonderful email. I hope this reply reaches you while you're in the middle or eating something that can easily get lodged in your throat you 15 year old harlot! *Ahem* Now I understand that my heavily opinionated opinion about sex has bothered you to the point that you have exhausted almost all your grammatical resources! Before I actually start sassing you, let me explain everything that is wrong with your message. Nowhere in my post did I say that sex is bad. I innocently gave my stance on sex as a whole- ACCORDING TO ME! Also, get your facts right before you actually start insulting people. READ, dammit!

>If sex is good for you then fine. Go ahead and have sex but practice safe sex of course. Who cares if you love the D? I don't. Your friends don't. I'm sure the college you're planning to go to doesn't either.  So if unless you plan on putting that on your resume, I suggest you keep it to yourself, ok? The ratio of 15 year-olds who "don't care about my opinion" are 1 to infinity- of course, you being that puny 1. Now that we've settled that part of the reply, let's move on to your "perfect" grammar.

>Look, I'm sorry for making you waste your words on me but girl you need to spend more time learning and less time talking. Don't run your mouth if you can't spell properly. Seeing as you're 15, you must be in high school. Now listen here, stop skipping English class because you obviously need it. Do you think English is a f*ing joke? People have been killed for terrible grammar, don't be a statistic!

>Seriously?Go f*ck myself? Explain how I'll be able  to do that Miss Know-It-All? Seeing as your knowledge of sex is vastly greater than mine.

In conclusion, no hate Audrina. Just think before you write something down. Honestly I've received more hate than that but that won't and will not stop me from ever giving up on this blog. To everyone else sending me hate (You know who you are...), just stop it... Hm.. wait, on the other hand, keep it up! It only makes me want to write more XD So, Audrina, I look forward to your reply and hopefully this time, you've spent some time with Mr. Dictionary!

Adios!

How I Almost Got Scammed (with TIPS)

Hello readers! I hope your 2014 has started on a good note because mine has started on a fantastic note! Wanna know why? Read on! Now as ashamed as I am o admit this, I was almost scammed out of 1700 bucks. Yeah, that's a lot of money, but before you go all "how could you have been so stupid?!" on me, just remember that even the smartest people in the world have been tricked before. Being scammed once doesn't mean that you were stupid enough to fall for the scam but being scammed twice means shame on you, because the first time should've been a lesson.

Now, let me get on with my story. Firstly this all happened in the month of December after my brother had left overseas. I was all alone at home and had started my first job at a secret company which will not be mentioned for safety purposes. So, two weeks into my job and I had already received my very own salary (which was more than I have ever received in my life) and I thought to myself, "Hey, why not buy something useful with this money! Like a new phone since that bullshit HTC phone has started to fail you." OMG, the pain and struggle that has accompanied me from using that piece of shit called a phone! I cannot even begin to explain the many times I've smacked it, beat it and even let it die, all from the frustration it has caused me. And now because of this ONE DAMN PHONE I hate all HTC phones. I'll NEVER buy an HTC phone in my life. F*cking piece of shit!

So back to the story, I decided to do just that- replace my POS phone with another much better phone. Now I've always been a fan of Android simply because its easier to customize. I've used Apple before and though it's performance is indisputable but its really boring interface just stymies me every time. So in the end, it was the battle between the Samsung Galaxy S4 and the iPhone 5s. I decided to go with the 5s because I figured, now that I'm a career woman, why not, eh? So instead of being smart and going straight to the Apple/Mac store and buying if from there, I decided to surf the web in hopes of finding a more affordable ORIGINAL iPhone5s (*Gasp* I can never settle for an imitation!). So I did find one on this website called Locanto.com.my and seriously, the fact that the ad was too good to be true should've been the warning sign for me but my common sense was clouded by desire so of course, that didn't register one bit.

There was a number provided too, so I called the number and talked to the seller named "Jack"(I really don't know his real name, that was the name he gave me) and we came to an agreement. So then, I banked in the full amount which was 1700 bucks and waited for him to make the delivery. [Side Note: I have never ordered anything online for fear that something like this might happen to me. So that was also the day when I decided to make my very first online purchase] The asshole promised to make the delivery out on Friday which meant I should receive the package on Saturday or Monday as that's the latest. He gave me a tracking number (which then turned out to be fake) and I went to the post office to check it out.... only to find that it wasn't registered at all.

Monday approached and still no sign of my delivery. I called him frantically and wasted my credit on him. Still no reply. That's when it hit me that I had been scammed. Motherf*cker! I immediately felt stupid and ashamed because all the signs were there but my impatience seemed to cloud them. So instead of wallowing in my own sorrow, I decided to take swift action. I filed a police report and they advised me to go to the Consumer Claims council that deals with these kinds of cases and it was there that I had to fill in a form and then send a copy of that court order/summon form to the scammer's address. The problem was, I didn't have his address but I had the name of his Company. So I went to the Companies Commission and they gave me the address of the company. So I mailed the court order/summons and waited for the reply. Suddenly a few days after mailing the court order, I receive a call from an alein number and the caller sounded very frantic/

Turns out "Jack" was a labor worker in that company and he had scammed a lot of people. Luckily for me and those others, the money was deposited into the company bank account and so it was still there. So we made a deal that I would cancel the summons if he returned my money. Which brings us to today, when I check my bank account and the full amount was there. Now guys, let me simplify the entire process for you in the form of bullet points. Here's what to do if you have been scammed:

• File a police report
• Go to the Consumer Claims department in your country/area and file a complaint with them. They should give you two copies of a summons/court order document.
• Head on over to the US Securities and Exchange Commission (those living in the states), Companies Commissions in any country or any department that deals with company registration and then search for the company. You will have the address, registration number and etc.
• Then, go back to the Consumer Claims department and then get your court date. 
• After that mail one copy to the scammer's address (which you would've gotten from the previous step) and then wait. 
• On the day of your hearing, if the scammer doesn't show up, you automatically win and the government will refund whatever amount you were scammed off. If he does show up (in most cases they don't),  you are still likely to win because you have stronger evidence

Just remember to keep all bank transaction slips, text messages and any evidence that can be used against the perpetrator. Honestly I am one of the rare cases whereby I do get my stolen money back and I'm thankful for that. God is indeed great. And remember don't feel stupid if this happens to you because even geniuses get scammed. I hope this is helpful to you guys or anyone going through this. Share, because this could help someone. 

R.I.P Paul Walker

 "It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide.." - Statement from Paul Walker's Rep

It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide. He was a passenger in a friend's car, in which both lost their lives. We appreciate your patience as we too are stunned and saddened beyond belief by this news. Thank you for keeping his family and friends in your prayers during this very difficult time. We will do our best to keep you apprised on where to send condolences. - #TeamPW” - See more at: http://perezhilton.com/2013-11-30-paul-walker-possibly-dead-after-car-accident#sthash.pYNP5flz.dpuf

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Walker is confirmed dead on the 30th of November 2013 with the cause of death being a car crash. Reports state that Paul was driving in his Porches when his car slammed into a lamp post and exploded into smithereens. The chances of him surviving was very slim. My heart broke when I heard this news because he was my favorite actor for ages. And the fact that he died so suddenly and so young (he died aged 40 and no, 40 isn't old at all), it's just really scary. For those of you who don't know him by name, he was that gorgeous blond guy with the deep blue eyes in the Fast & Furious series and also other movies like Into The Blue, She's All That, Varsity Blues and Pleasantville. To be honest when I first saw that I expected (and wished) it was a hoax like a few years ago when Asian newspapers reported that Emma Watson was dead and that turned out to be a hoax. I still wish it is a hoax. Here are some links to more detailed stories of his death: 

Pop Crush

PerezHilton.com

E!Online

NY Daily News

CNN

TMZ

My condolences to his family, friends and those who knew him because he died a great actor and a great person. Rest In Peace, Paul. We love you. 

"It's Just Sex...!"

Wow, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, I would be very wealthy woman. The number of times I've heard that is equivalent to the number of times Miley Cyrus has been caught sticking her tongue out like a dying dog- almost infinity. Hello readers, fellow bloggers and those who happened to stumble across my page while keying in "sex" on Google! Today's post deals with something that has transpired from being a taboo issue worldwide to a normality. Sex. Sex was regarded as a sacred act that was to be committed between man and wife ONLY and now it's something that almost 70% of the world had done when they were in high school. High school? Jeez! Back in high school the only thing that got me worried was whether Mr Francis (our sadistic, semi-Nazi Maths teacher) would be in a good mood that day. Or whether I could save just enough money to buy that tank top from MissWhatever at the mall. Sex never crossed my mind at all (doesn't make me a dyke at all, ok?).  Alarmingly, the demography for the most sexually active people has dropped to teenagers being the most sexually active people on the planet.

Instead of that, girls and guys are more worried about losing their virginity before they graduate from high school. Anyone who is still a virgin would be the school's social pariah. Forever. I shit you not, I've actually asked one of my sister's friends about their goals in life after high school and she answered, quote, "I wanna get a job and be really successful but first, I want to move further with [Her Crush's Name]". I narrowed my eyes at her and she shyly looked away which was a dead giveaway that that 'further move' refers to sex. Wow. It amazes me how the value of one's virginity has decreased through the years. Back in my days, we wanted to cherish our virginity until we were married... to the right guy. My dream had always been to let my future husband be the FIRST and ONLY ONE to deflower me. 

Honestly, I don't blame her for answering my question that way. She probably watches The Disney Channel featuring the most messed up teen/tween stars in the whole wide world, thinks Miley Cyrus is da bomb, thinks Selena Gomez's 'Come and Get It' is the best song ever and worships One Direction. The media plays a huge role in normalizing sex, I mean have you seen some of the shows they watch?! For example, 90210 which has to have at least one rough sex scene in every episode. Or The Vampire Diaries (I love this show so much by the way!) which has sex in almost every episode and the characters are teens too. Let's not forget the music they listen to which encourages sex, drugs and alcohol (Yeah, I'm talking about you Ke$ha and you too Rihanna). So in all entirety, sex is everywhere and can't be avoided that easily, but remember that it is a personal choice not a collective one.

No matter how uncool and primitive I sound, my virginity is something that is very sacred to me and something I can never give up so easily without feeling like 80% of my body's missing.  I honestly cannot speak from a male's perspective but guys, when a woman/girl lets you inside her sacred temple, you should damn well appreciate it because it was the hardest decision that she had ever made in her life (even harder than choosing the cutest member of Backstreet Boyz/One Direction/The Wanted to eternally fall in love with). For a woman, giving up her virginity is very important because she will always remember her first time. Always.

Let me clear the air of hostility here by saying that if a girl easily gives up her v-card it doesn't mean she is a slut (unless she gets paid for it, then yes she is).  Other than that, she is a human being with needs, just like you. Now, guys and girls, I'd like to say that you always have a choice when it comes to having sex and its always your call not your partners'. You can always say no, or never. You're the deckmaster here. Now back to this sentence, "It's Just Sex...!" Well ladies and gentleman, its not just sex, okay, its a heavy part of you and its something you can't take back- ever. It sticks with you for the rest of your life. I mean guys, wouldn't you want her to be your first and only? and girls, wouldn't you want him to be your first and only too? The feeling of knowing that you are each others' one and only is just amazing.Now, if you want to have sex, go ahead and have sex but know that it means something. To all the girls that have been pressured into sex, always say no, because if he loved you, then he wouldn't pressure you into having sex with him. And, if you save yourself for marriage you're not a loser or a nerd or a geek or whatever, you're just someone who values their virginity and prioritizes brilliantly. If you keep pleasing society, you will end up destroying yourself because society will always change and soon you won't be able to keep up with their demands.

Since I have the knack for pissing people off with my posts, I'd like to say that this is all from my perspective and like every single one of you, I'm allowed to have an opinion. I'm allowed to voice out my concerns, views and stories. If you don't like it, then go read some blog about.. gardening or something because I will present the cold, hard fact no matter how insulting it is.  What are your views on sex? Does practice make perfect in this aspect or should it still be a sacred matter shared between two people only? Email or comment your views. 

xx

The Stalker Series: Summer Glau

Hello readers and bloggers alike and welcome to another installment of The Stalker Series! This week, we have the talented, gorgeous and ever so youthful, Summer Glau! For those of you who're wondering who she is, get the hell out of that silly cave, you neanderthals and snap back to reality because Summer is the SHIT! Most of you might recognize this multiracial beauty in Transformers the TV series (although I still think she would make a much better replacement for that dowdy looking Rosie Whiteley in the movie) and at the end of the Sleepover movie. Her most recent project involves playing this cutthroat corporate bigshot on the CW series, "Arrow" so the lot of you would recognize her from there. 

Big eyes, slim figure and badass moves, Summer Glau is just hot! So hot that words cannot describe this woman crush that I have on her. I know that most people are confused by her ethnicity because she has one of those faces that just makes up assume she is of a certain races but really isn't even close to that race. Admit it, you all thought she was Asian right? Or Filipino? Well ladies and gentlemen, Summer Lynn Glau is ..... American! Surprised? So was I. i was expecting her to be at least part Hawaiian with her Polynesian looks but nope, none of that, she is American so deal with it. [In other news, Miley Cyrus has bleached her eyebrows]. Summer Glau is just beautiful, like summer... that has been glau'd :D So as usual, for all your stalking pleasure here are the links to her social pages so you can perve on all her selfies and etc. :

Her Twitter Account

Her Instagram

Some Website

Summer Glau Daily (For Those hardcore Stalkers)

So.. Have fun Stalking!  xx

It's Official: Part II

Hi there everyone! October 11th. Wow, I cannot believe it's officially been two years since I broke up with that good for nothing sonuvagun! Last year I wrote this article about how I've gotten over him and how I've moved on and found myself. Well this time, I'll be relaying what has happened so far since that post. One year has passed and I'm still single!  I don't know whether I should cry or laugh at this statement. Sometimes I try to speculate on what is wrong with me? Why haven't I gotten a boyfriend yet? I mean, for God's sake I'm gonna be 23 very soon and here I am, an aging moke who's void of commitment. Okay, fine, perhaps I would be lying if I said I've never gotten any courtship offers from guys. In fact, I have been asked to be somebody's boyfriend several times but because of my impossibly high standards (read this to find out more on my ludicrous standards) I end up rejecting them. 

Rebounds have never crossed my mind at all in this one year because I think that's the most terrible thing anyone can do to someone. I mean, playing with someone's feelings and stringing them along just to satisfy your selfish need for closure/revenge? That's just mean and frankly, cruel. The word "settling" has often disturbingly crossed my mind and there was a time when I nearly settled for someone. This happened a few months ago when I was on a night out and this guy peaked my interest. We exchanged numbers and basically saw each other and hung out whenever we had the chance. Throughout our close friendship I noticed several signs that told me he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I started to panic and completely changed my behavior towards him (No, I didn't kick him to the curb or bust the windows out his car) by being more distant and withdrawn. That didn't seem to quell his pursuit of me and when he finally asked me I told him I'd think about it. I spent a whole week avoiding his calls and ignoring him until I finally decided that I wouldn't find anything better and that I would have to settle for him. But when I met up with him I mentally changed my decision on the spot and decided NOT to settle because I valued myself too much and valued him too much to expose him to future heartaches that would be instigated by me.

Another reason why I haven't made an effort to date anyone is because I am not ready to trust a man yet. The most probable reason for this would be my experience with that ex of mine. The fact that I've been watching too much Lifetime movies about abused women in relationships who end up getting killed by their overly jealous boyfriends doesn't help. Neither does listening to Adele and Frank Ocean's songs (I'm still sure they've both been hurt by the same man). I feel like if i did get into a relationship, the guy would just eventually get bored of me and move on to someone better and then I'd be all unhappy again. In this respect, I've learned to love myself and being single because the key to learning to love someone is to love yourself first. That is something I'm doing right now, focusing on myself before actually jumping into a relationship. 

Updates on my ex, I heard he is married to this Austrian girl. I can't help but think that was way too fast! I mean it hurts to think that he got over me fast enough to get married already. Anyway, I wish him all the best in life and hope he found what was void in me in someone else. No hard feelings anymore. Another valuable lesson I've learned from this dating experience is that breaking up, being dumped or being betrayed by someone shouldn't affect you so much. Heck, if I spent the whole year thinking about every single thing he is doing, I would never be over him. Having a personal intervention is important too. This is where you seek sanctity in yourself by engaging in self-loving activities. Finding yourself and realizing that nobody in this world can dictate your value/self-worth will contribute to the betterment of your self esteem. Like I mentioned before, stop thinking of what could've been and whether the reason why he left you was because you did something wrong... Another thing you could do is to make use of your singlehood and ENJOY IT! And remember, take this single time to actually be all about YOU and not YOU and HIM. Don't worry, be happy. :) And also remember that: 

Arhthur's Day 2013: The Wanted, All American Rejects & Five For Fighting

Wow! All I can say is WOW. Hello readers, as most of you would know, there was a worldwide celebration of Arthur's Day on the 26th of September 2013 and the 27th of September 2013. Various acts were invited to please and entertain the audience on this day. But hold on, who's Arthur, you ask? Well Arthur is (I did not use Wikipedia for this, it's based on little snippets I heard from around town) the guy who invented Guinness, the same man responsible for drunk driving and deteriorating livers worldwide. That, is Arthur Guinness. So this year's concert included acts from The Wanted (I KNEW I WOULD SEE THEM AGAIN!), Five For Fighting (frankly speaking the only song I wanted to hear from and knew about was "Superman") and The All American Rejects. 

At the beginning, I was a little too skeptic to actually attend this concert because of the whole alcohol issue (I don't drink alcohol by the way), but then I heard the Wanted were in on it so I figured, why not? Besides, I didn't care less about the alcohol because my one and sole reason was seeing the Wanted and All American Rejects. I love those guys to death! Uh, Oh... my inner fan-girl is coming out! Prepare yourselves for annoying over-exclamation points and CAPS!!!! Being there was an amazing experience, mainly because I was at the freaking front row! Like within breathing distance of the Wanted and All American Rejects. To me, this was a huge achievement simply because I have never been in the front row no matter how early I arrived. So this was pretty cool! 

The Wanted played some of their new hits such as "Walks like Rihanna", "We Own the Night" and others. they decided to step things up a bit by singing a mash-up of songs from the Killers! How amazing is that? The All American Rejects were as usual very entertaining with Tyson Ritter being silly (there was a point whereby i questioned whether he was gay because of the way he was on stage but then i gave myself a mental kick for EVER thinking that... How insensitive of me). Five for Fighting were.... Um... Okay. I mean, they're old so they can't really compete with the young ones. Overall I'm still glad that they came and performed for us. Here are some photos of the artists. Hope you enjoy them! 

All American Rejects

Nickolas Wheeler impressed the crowd with his riffs

Tyson Ritter being... well... Tyson!

Tyson Ritter Belting to the tune of "I Wanna"

The Entire Band

The Wanted

From Left: Siva 'Cheeky' Kaneswaran, Tom 'Whatever' Parker, Max 'Hottie' George, Jay 'Sexy' McGuinness & Nathan 'Cutie' Sykes

Nathaaaaannnnnn Sykes

Max George Being really hot! (Yes,  I was THAT close to the stage)

The Wanted on stage

So Hot!- Siva and Jay

 

Five For Fighting

(Sadly, I arrived late to the concert so all I could get was this final photo of them)

Five For Fighting on the left (You may ignore the recently- and very obviously aging- hostess)

xoxo

How [NOT] to ask a girl out- The T.O.A.S.T Way!

Hello readers! I hope you are all doing well. Today's post is all about LOVE. Well, not exactly. It's just another piece of wisdom from my personal love journal. The content of my love journal comes courtesy of my heart, soul and experience. This is to say that every tip and advice that is in this post has been experienced by me. As per the title, this post aims to once again, address the issues that we all face when it comes to the opposite (or same) gender. The target for this post is the male gender (sorry, ladies)! Now, guys, have you ever wondered why she never texted you back? Why she didn't respond to that text you wrote on her Facebook wall? Why can't even spare you a passing glance after you asked her out that one time (and got blown off)? Well, obviously it's because there's something you aren't doing right at all!

That is why I have come up with some tips that could help you overcome this issue of being rejected because let's face it, nobody likes being rejected. Makes you feel like shit. Unlike other blogs or advice columns that tell you how to ask a girl out, this post will tell you how not to ask a girl out. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to... T.O.A.S.T. No, I wasn't trying to spell toast- it's an acronym for the five tips that I have procured.

T: Texting

O: One Liners

A: At the Club

S: Social Networking

T: The Friend

Before I begin, I'd like to outline that these tips are not foolproof and hence, they do not work for everybody. This is just my way of trying to help you guys out and since I am a woman, I think it's better that I give a little insight into what the male gender are doing wrong when they are asking a girl out. Let's get on with it shall we? 

1. T for Texting

Issue: It is a well known fact that asking a girl out through a text message is the best way to do it because then you won't be a nervous wreck in front of her plus it saves her the horror of seeing you sweat (which grosses her out and causes her to reject you). WRONG. Asking a girl out through a meaningless, cheap 5 to 15 cent text message (even worse, imagine it  was rife with slang like this: H3y, Wanna go oUt wif meh?) is one of the worst ways to ask her out. It's also really creepy too. And weird. From my experience girls usually react to this manner of courtship with disgust. Most of the time they wonder why the guy couldn't just go up to them and ask them in person. Well, girls, sometimes you don't make it easy for them with your spellbinding attractiveness (trust me, our beauty intimidates guys a lot). The thing is, texting a girl shows that you are a coward, not brave enough to ask her out in person which isn't something you want her to think of you at all. The girl would also assume that you aren't even bothered to exert enough effort into seeing her in person.

Solution: Be a man and grow some balls. March up to her and ask her out like a MAN!  Girls actually like it when a guy asks them out because it feels more genuine and less artificial than texting her. Also it's more sincere and it shows her the effort (it may not seem so important to you but we girls tend to notice and acknowledge these little things) that you have put into seeing her. 

2. O for One Liners

Issue:  Not all girls find one liners/pickup lines "cute" or "adorable". Movie girls, sure, they love one liners. In fact, It's the best way to get into their pants, but real girls find them lame and idiotic. Usually, in order not to hurt your feelings, they would just laugh at them and slowly inch away from you. Besides, one liners should've been extinct by now (I'm surprised they're still in use!). Hey 2013, 1996 wants it's pick up lines back! What's worse than a one liner is one that was ripped off the internet so many times and altered by so many people. Guys, just don't okay. Just don't. Asking a girl out in the form of a one liner (Eg: If a country was named after you, it'd be called WillYouGoOutWithMe-nia) is terrible. It just makes you sound like a copy of George Clooney and that is a terrible thing. Once again, 1996 wants it's one liners back.

Solution: The only solution to this would be to erase every memory of any one liner. Also burn that book of one liners that you bought from a bookstore because that won't get you the girl. Instead of a one liner, a simple joke would be a great way to start things off without making yourself the subject of the joke.

3. A for At the Club

Issue:  I cannot begin to fathom why most guys think it's a good idea to ask a girl out, in a noisy-ass club filled with liquor and spirits with people gyrating around you. The whole environment of the club makes it the worst place to ask anybody out. I remember this one time I was with my friend at a club and this guy approaches her and asks her out. Over the extremely loud wailing of Pitbull, she misheard him and though he asked her if he could feel her up. She gave him the tightest slap (tighter than Chris Hemsworth's abs) and we left that place. That is one of the discrepancies and dangers of asking a girl out at a club and some others include, being misunderstood, impaired hearing and the highest possibility of being rejected. When a guy asks a girl out at a club, the chances are, that she is already drunk (or soon to be drunk) and will probably forget about you in the next 30 minutes upon introduction or that she is so into the music that she won't even realize that you are asking her out. Also picture this. You are about to ask her out when suddenly some drunk guy starts gyrating himself on her. How unromantic is that?

Solution:  Ask her out anywhere else BUT the club. Preferably somewhere quiet, private and more importantly devoid of people gyrating against one of you. Also the absence of wine and spirits is good too.

4. S for Social Networking

Issue:  Have you ever asked her out in the form of a comment on one of her photos or statuses? Have you ever posted "Will you go out with me?" ( or anything of a similar variant) on her wall/profile? Have you ever *GASP* tagged her in a lovey dovey photo asking her out? Then you, my friend must've been rejected plenty of times. The social network is too public to ask a girl out. The girl might actually feel obliged to say yes to save you the embarrassment of your request going unanswered. In fact, she might be a little angry that you would ask her in such a manner. Once again, this shows a lack of effort in actually bothering to ask her out. Worse, still, she might just UN-friend and block you. The social network is a veil upon which people tend to hide behind for fear of being REJECTED (the dreaded R-word). Most guys think this is a good way to ask girls out but it just pisses them off.

Solution:  See No.2

5. T for The Friend

Issue:  Personally, this method really pisses me off. The girls I've interviewed also reacted the same way when I asked them how they would react if a guy asked their close friend to ask you out for them. Most of them confessed that it was a huge turn off. Most of them felt like they were in high school again when you were passing gum along from one person to another. A large percentage felt that it wasn't as private as it should've been and that it felt strange wimpy. Guys, even if a gun was being forced onto your forehead, DO NOT... EV-ER ask her friend to ask her out on your behalf. it's just so... wimpy. And it just automatically reduces the last remaining manhood you have. The main issue here is that she might think you aren't taking her seriously enough to ask her yourself instead of sending someone on your own errand. And she'll feel like you were too lazy to tell her yourself. (Girls, remember, don't shoot the messenger, shoot the sender).

Solution:  Guys, just ask her out already! I mean, come on! I know that she may seem intimidating but trust me, when you ask her out yourself, she will have some new found respect for you and would appreciate the gusto that you put into asking her out. Personal engagement is also another way of flattering her, by telling her that you respect her enough to come face to face with her and meet her. Bravo, champion.

Good Luck, Amigos!

9 People You Should Un-Friend From Facebook

Hello readers! As the title suggests, I am about to put you all out of the misery of having to decide which friend to let go of on Facebook. Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook has become a breeding ground for perverts, fake profiles and cyber-bullying. And also thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, it is the easiest, most efficient and fastest way to connect to friends and family. And face it, its definitely much better than Myspace (which by the way, has been transformed into this huge music/song promotion website) or Friendster (which has now been converted into a gaming site so for those of you who have rare 'back-in-the-days' photos there, forget it: they're all gone). The inspiration for this post came from having a massive clean-out of my Facebook friends list, so for those of you who used to be on my list- no hard feelings alright. It's nothing personal, just that you fit into one or more of the categories that I will describe soon. What I noticed when I did my cleanup was that I had been keeping these people for so long and after getting rid of them, I felt as if I'd just done a colon cleanse. I felt very refreshed and happy that I didn't have such a cluttered feed anymore. 

Now let's get to the 9 people that deserve to be un-friended or de-friended by you. The first person that should get the boot from your mouse is:

1. The Leech 

No... Not that leech! I mean the human leech! In this context, the definition of a leech is someone who has the tendency to like every single post (even the ones that don't make sense or those inside-joke statuses), photo, video, link or page that you liked. Basically, this person is the reason you keep getting notification pings on your cellphone (assuming you have Facebook on your mobile phone). This type of friend also enjoys commenting on every single post that you have and trust me that can get very annoying. So Unless you would like to end up in a Mental clinic because you keep hearing Facebook notifications everywhere.. I suggest you commence Operation Facebook Cleanup.

2. The Creep

 

Sure, Facebook is the ultimate breeding ground for potential pedophiles, perverts and the occasional Rosie O'Donnell enthusiast but its also a pit stop for ... The Creep. The Creep can take on any form and age. The Creep is that one human being on your Facebook friend's list who has updated their status four times in one year. The Creep never changes his profile photo (in fact, his photo is the same one he has been using ever since he created his account), never likes or comments on anybody's post, never comes online, and doesn't have more than 5 photos of 'himself' i.e. photos of him taken at an angle whereby their face cannot be seen clearly. Since facebook is all about keeping up with people... what's the point of having such a person on your friend-list when there's nothing to keep up with?     

3. Drama McSasspants a.k.a. The Firecracker

Every once in a while you will spot a few fights and spats going on in Facebook, indeed that is normal. But then there is always that one person on your list who is the initiator of those fights and never gets along with anyone? That same person is also the one who writes the rudest comments on other people's posts and causes trouble whenever she deems necessary. So unless you want to someday be dragged into the crossfire, it's best to avoid the situation by un-friending them.

4. The Attention Whore

Note that even though I used the word "whore" this label applies to both the male and female gender

. This type of friend really sticks out like a sore thumb on your Facebook friend's list. This is because they are the ones that posts a photo of themselves captioned 'OMG, I'm so UGLY! Why?!' (girls) or "I'm packin!" (guys) in the hopes of getting positive comments complimenting them instead of agreeing with them (I wonder what would happen if they actually received a comment that agreed with the caption? I guess that would be when Captain Ouch and General Facepalm will pay them a visit). The Attention Whore also tends to post too many meaningless status updates, check into every single place she visits, links her Twitter and YouTube accounts to her Facebook so that whatever she posts on those website will automatically be updated onto her page and your feed too. This needs immediate extermination.

5. Itchy Fingers

This friend is one who is very common in almost everyone's Facebook friend's list. the reason why 'Itchy Fingers' is such an appropriate label is because this friend's finger is so itchy when it comes in contact with a keyboard, especially  when logged onto Facebook that they just. Cannot. Resist. Adding you into groups without your consent, tagging you onto their statuses or any of their posts, sharing posts onto your wall and adding you as an administrator in certain groups. All this is usually done without your approval. Itchy Fingers also loves sending you gaming requests and tagging you onto their photos. The most annoying thing about them is that they never seem to get the hint. It even comes to the point whereby you've changed your Facebook tag settings to "Need Permission to Tag". Why would you do all that when a "Remove from friends" button exists?

6. That One Timer

Anyone you know can be a One Timer. A One Timer is basically that one guy/girl you met at a store and struck up some conversation with but never met again, or that person that sat behind you in History class in 1996 and whom you've never met since then or even that stranger that smiled at you at a social event and let's not forget your very distant relative whom you've heard of but have never met. The obvious pattern that exists with this type of Facebook friend is that you have never, ever seen them again! And what's worse is that, the chances of you ever seeing them again is slimmer than Miley Cyrus. Besides not having anything else in common with the One timer other than the fact that you clapped eyes on each other and exchanged a few words, there is really no point in having them on your list of friends. 

7. Religion 2.0

Have you ever logged onto your Facebook homepage and all of a sudden there's Jesus this and Jesus that or anything to do with religion blowing up your feed? Well, the person who is definitely responsible for that intrusion is known as Religion 2.0. This is that friend(s) on Facebook that constantly posts religious messages, videos, links and status updates. They also tend to repost or share religious photos and sometimes tag people onto those messages(most of the time they tag people who are severely astray and destined to go to hell). I'm not saying that posting anything religious is a bad thing, in fact, it is encouraged, but -like everything else in this world- there is a limit to what an individual can tolerate. Don't be an online Jehovah's Witness (Really. Don't. Nobody really likes them anyway.) So unless you really enjoy seeing way too many religious messages on your wall, then thoust hath bett'r be gonest.

8. That One Foreigner 

Hey, remember that time you went to [INSERT FOREIGN COUNTRY HERE] and met that really helpful boy/girl who toured you around the city and had very terrible English that only you could decipher? and then later spent your time with them? Yeap, most of us do. That One Foreigner usually posts status updates in their native language so besides not being able to understand anything they post, or only being able to comment on their photos (which in itself is very awkward because you're the only one commenting in English... so yeah...), there's really no point in having them there. Besides, it's not like you're gonna go back to that country and find them again. Exactly.

9. A Complete Stranger

Before going on, let me clarify one thing for you. A Stranger is defined as:

A person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar, [Definition from Google.com]
Hey, Didn't ya'll mamma's tell you not to add strangers? Now would be the time to heed that warning as no good ever comes out of it. The worst thing about having someone you have never seen before is that they almost always turn out to be complete perverts or are too good to be true. Avoid adding these people because some of them actually turn out to be hackers who only need your online details to drain your bank account dry. Suffice to say, only 0.01% of strangers we add on Facebook actually turn out to be pleasant and not perverted. Nevertheless: Do not add strangers. Period.

Hopefully this will help you decide the friends on your Facebook list that need to be exterminated. Hopefully you enjoy this post and if you think there are many more categories that I have missed out, don't hesitate to either leave a comment below or send it to my email in the 'Contact Me' box at the end of the entire page. Until then, Goodbye!