O M G

Its either I've gone blind or I have met a genie and he has finally granted me my 5th wish- to see The Wanted LIVE! They are finally within stalking distance and I now have the chance to breathe the same air as them (while inhaling some of their sweat infused odor). This calls for a special edition of the Stalker Series: The Wanted coming out next week! I sense that this concert will be way better then the disaster that was Justin Bieber or the disappointment that was Beyonce (she was supposed to come but the citizens threw a huge hissy fit over it). It night even be better than *GASP* Adam Lambert! So now begins my journey of either winning the tickets or forcing myself to fish out some cash and actually buy the ticket. Ugh, what a drag! Here is the poster that caught my eye and cultivated butterflies in my stomach and swarmed bees in my empty space of a brain. 

And this is why being a blogger is amazing: I get to stalk celebrities like these without getting caught. And the best part, I just have to flash my "Media" card at them and I can have my 15 minutes or drooling with them. in 3D. So as the poster states there will be three different types of tickets that can be purchased: The cheapest (and the one least likely to get you 100 feet within the Wanted) which is RM150, the moderate one (and the one that will at least grant you 5 seconds of seeing Siva's jawline, Max's baldness, Nathan's eyebrows, Tom's misshapen face and Jay's cute blonde curls) which is RM250 and the exclusive one (one that will guarantee you to be able to smell them, breathe their dead skin cells and even taste their sweat- yes that close!- and one that will burn a nasty hole n your pocket) which costs RM450. So the choice is your people! 

As for me, I know exactly which ticket I will buy- the one that will allow me to snip some of Jay's hair (damn you Max for not having any hair!) and voodoo'ing him into being entirely besotted to me. I wish.   So my journey for the perfect The Wanted tickets begins and as for you all reading this, RUN to your nearest ticketmaster and grab the very best ticket! Who knows? Maybe you might be the next Mrs. the Wanted. 

Peace.

Sisters... We fight... But the love is always there

Good Morning readers! Today's blog post is all about those adorable creatures that we call our little sisters. Sisters are meant to be the missing link in a family of boys and the last puzzle in a family of girls. Yes, its very normal for sisters to fight 24/7 but at the end of the day if something horrible happened to your sister, you would stick your neck out for them. Thats the beauty of having sisters. Coming from a really big family (consisting of 11 children and 3 parents), God has blessed me with a handful of sisters to whom I can pass my adult knowledge to in the future.  The inspiration for this post was fueled by a recent (and still ongoing) feud I had with one of mine. It all started last Saturday when I had to attend my best friend Kesslar's birthday party, forgetting that I told my two siblings that I would take them on a tour of my university. 

                                        Funnily enough one of them didn't mind and seemed to  understand that I couldn't miss a close friend's birthday party, but the other one wasn't as understanding. She threw a hissy fit and gave me attitude that lasted from Saturday until as we speak. What i fail to understand is that it's definitely NOT NECESSARY to blow things out of proportion. Jeez. From the silent treatment, it transformed into rudeness and unnecessary jibes at each other (though concealed). Now Its like living with Van Halen -_-... awkward and uncomfortable. And the worst part about this is that it just gets worse. In actual fact, this feud should be settled among those involved but then all of a sudden other parties get involved and then things are getting really ugly now.

In my honest opinion, the best way to solve such issues is to bury the hatchet and forgive each other- which is not easy to do since the person in question is a tough egg to crack. So the best way to handle this would be to shut up and see what happens. If it turns out great, a loud round of applause is greatly inspired... but if it turns out horribly, then blow me i think Dr. Phil should be on line 2. 

xoxo

I do... not yet

Morning bloggers and readers. The inspiration for today's post is marriage. Recently I have been plagued with questions from my other friends on "Did you know blah blah got married/is engaged/ is going to get married this weekend?" Whoah, Whoah, WHOAH! Do I hear the 1800s knocking on the door? What happened to the conventional I-wont-get-married-until--establish-my-career-first paradigm? Since when was getting married in college a sudden trend? The worst part, I cant keep up with this trend. 75% of my friends are happily married. How is that is even plausible. In my mind, I cannot even begin to fathom the idea of me being somebody's wife. Is there a handbook for that?

If there ever was it would definitely be titled The Clueless College Chick's Guide to Being Someone's Wife. How fitting -_- I'm not saying if someone proposed to me I wouldn't consider it, but the likelihood of me agreeing quickly to it is one in a hundred million. Besides the whole process involves a few impossible to fulfill steps. 

- Scanning (aka stalking)

- Selecting (aka seducing)

- Attacking (aka getting together)

- Captured (aka no escape)

STAGE 1: SCANNING

Computer geeks, sorry to disappoint but this has nothing to do with the technical computer scanning. Now leave. This is the stage whereby we all begin by scanning the gene pool (the good side) for potential candidates. We cant just close our eyes and pick whatever comes our way! How ridiculous does that sound! What I mean is. dont go for the impossible. Go for the possible and make him impossible to get (Shit, look at me giving out advice like I'm freaking Nigella Lawson ). At this stage, the rule is to look but dont stare. Staring is rude but looking is your right, its your eyes so look all you want, stare at your own risk. So after scanning, just move forward and then strike while the iron is hot! This means you fight tooth and nail to discover their real name, then google them and start looking through your friend's  Facebook/Myspace/Instagram photos for them. Then you stalk them for a maximum of 2 months - 1 month for those who aren't patient (No more, no less!) and then after that its the anonymous inbox. This involves in-boxing your object of your stalking with something creepier than the Joker's face. NEVER send them something like,

"Hey gorgeous, I saw you walking towards [insert location here] and I wanted to get to know you better, so I found your profile and added you." Seriously? He's gonna think you're the fucking witness protection program or something. Calm down, why in the world would you hint that you were stalking him for? Tis inbox will often be rewarded with a big, fat BLOCK plus an IGNORE (ouch).

Desist from sending them shit like this,

"Hey sexy, I wanna F*** with you and [insert the nastiest comments here]" or "You make me so [insert the sleaziest comments here]" That will give you a one way ticket to Pervert Town. So instead of sending crap like that, send some thing simple like "Hello", "Hi" or even "How are you :) ". They will most likely respond and hesitate to click the block button even. so from this stage comes the next stage.


STAGE 2: SELECTING
Also known as the seducing stage. This is where you start communicating regularly with them to the extent that when they dont respond to your texts you think of possible reasons why they couldn't reply. You become a raging maniac by checking their status update and contemplating on whether you should comment or not or like it or not. At this stage, your mind is filled with only the person of attraction hat you dont realize how crazily you're reacting. at this stage, Facebook chats become, Skype exchanges and then Kik buddies and ultimately Whatsapp/Kik buddies. Also, in this stage seduction is key. If you screw up in this stage, you screwed up the whole thing. Some of the major screw ups involved in this stage is when both parties are over excited when it comes to replying their texts or replying too soon or replying too late. I swear by the 5 minute rule- wait for 5 minutes and then respond because that way, if he/she is interested then he might try harder to gain your attention instead of you giving him your full attention like the confetti at the 4th of july parade.


STAGE 3: ATTACKING

In my definition this stage is better known as the getting together stage. Now it may sound easy but then its difficult as fuck! Firstly most text buddies seem to wonder how in the world they would get with that person. Simple- a fucking first date will suffice. The problem is how to ask the person out without sounding like a Pee Wee Herman at a kid's Bar Mitzvah. Even simpler. Just make your first outing together a casual thing and tell him to invite his friends and say that you will invite yours. BULLSHIT!

It is a well known psychological fact that when both parties say they will invite their friends to an outing they usually turn up alone and hence you both get that alone date that you always dreamed of. The next step is the actual date itself. Most of us make the mistake of pretending to be busy with our phones (especially those cursed with a smartphone) whenever the moment gets silent and awkward. DESIST and ask even the dumbest questions. That way he will think you are an amazing girl who is open minded and really cool. SHIt, he's just going to get to know you better. From there on, several dates will occur, but how they occur is the mind boggler. It is a known tradition that the girl usually waits for the guy to call/text. What the fuck for? this time, the woman should calm her tits and ask him out so that he wouldn't think you're uninterested and ignore you.

STAGE 4: CAPTURED
Perhaps the best stage yet (to some) is the trapped stage or the no-escape stage. this is when you have them at the palm of your hand and when they cannot escape and have no choice but to ask for your hand in marriage or they would lose you to the next guy. of course i'm being sarcastic here, they CAN escape but they chose a more tortuous path and choose to marry you instead. Simple mechatronics.


So all in all guys, I'm not some relationship phobic girl, I'm just a normal girl who is trying to escape from being married too early (while trying to avoid those aforementioned steps). We're not in the era of Tutankhamen, we're in the millenia and unlike Kim Kardashian, not all of us have men who throw themselves at us at every chance they get. If you want true love, you get up on your fucking ass and follow that stripper named Destiny and she will lead you to another one called true love.

Ahoy mateys!

PS: This post is not a jab, jib or jibe at any insanely young married couples. Its just an expression of my opinion and if you do feel insulted, sorry brah, I cant help you out there. Either read it and weep or GTFO. All hail the freedom of speech.


xx

The Stalker Series: Jessica Lowndes

Hello everyone! Following my recent laziness to update my blog I decided to post at least one post every week. Hm.. sounds fair doesn't it? So in a series of blog posts, i have decided to create a new series called the Stalker  Series. the Stalker Series is like a mini series about some celebrities -male and female- that I either envy, crush on, or have an affinity towards. Enter the life of me that is filled with 13-year old dreams and 50 year old delusions. Evidently, the Stalker Series wont be as creepy as TMZ or as pathetic as PerezHilton.com. So for today's episode, the celebrity that is fortunate enough to be my object of affection is... (as the damn title suggests) Jessica Lowndes. For those of you who are not familiar with her click on this fabulous link ------> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Lowndes  and a timeline of her life shall unveil before your eyes (plus unnecessary information about her highs and lows but i guess if you want to know the important bits you can always log onto this website ------> perezhilton.com/tag/jessica_lowndes/).

To give you a pictorial description of this fine specimen:

Jessica Lowndes

Now Let me describe what a beauty she is. Jessica Lowndes is like Megan Fox + Angelina Jolie + Mila     Jovovich on the scale of ridiculous hotness. I first saw her in Beverly Hills 90210 (the remake with the thinner and more anorexic cast who act like they're on prozac 24/7 ) and hat was when I had a temporary lesbian crush on her and that developed into a permanent heterosexual crush on her. I mean, what's there NOT to like? She's gorgeous, she has a bubbly personality (even though she played the role of an utter bitch on the show) and the best part is that she's not skinny! That gives a great message that you dont have to be skinny to be beautiful. I mean she's not the typical hungry looking celeb, she's well fit and looks great too! I hoep she doesn't turn out like some celebrities who lose weight and become the equivalent of a chopstick. No wait, chopsticks are fatter than her- right, angel hair pasta- soon to be thin like a needle. So all in all, she's one for whom I would definitely go lesbian for. If I were ever to write a vampire series i would definitely employ her to play the lead vampiress. so stay tuned for my next celebrity crush whose name starts with a H.......... . See ya later, perpetrator!

MUAH! 

XOXO, Jenny.

Would you like some RACISM with those lies?

How many times have you received pervasive looks from people when entering any form of public transportation? How many cautious stares have you received from people when entering the lift as the only different race there? How many discreet and implosive racial slurs have you heard behind your back and directly to your face? That, ladies and gentlemen is called RACISM. The very bane of our existence on this earth.The reason why hundreds of thousands of Jews were killed in the Holocaust. The very reason thousands of people in Rwanda in the Genocide have died painful deaths. The reason why a human being cannot live in peace in a foreign country. 

Hello bloggers. The main theme for today's post is racism. It is a fact that irregardless of your race, if you are a foreigner in someone else's land then you will be subjected to every form of racism (verbal, physical or even spiritual). Being an African in a foreign country has exposed me to this racism. Some of them discreet ("I'm not sure if they have your people/ your color/ your skin here"), some of them direct ("...negro...") and some of them expressed through their actions (woman clutches her bag tighter if you so much as glance at her in the lift or when entering a crowded public transport/area they scoot away from you to avoid your skin touching theirs which would create a burn -_-) I wont lie by saying I face this on a daily basis but i do face this on a weekly basis Years of being exposed to this has made me conducive to these racial slurs. 

The motivation for this post arose form my surveying of newspapers this morning and coming across a particularly eye catching illustration that showed a group of blacks/Africans huddled together in a corner and a Malay man running away from them screaming "Haaa...This is not 1Malaysia but 1 Pati who wants to destroy the country. Keep yourself away from Mr Charcoal". Describing the article wont do any good, why don't I just show it to you. 

Incriminating exhibit A: 

According to this amazing comic in a certain government publication (they know themselves), all Africans are depicted as charcoal like beings with big red lips. Hahaha an interesting fact I never knew about myself. Thanks for that inaccurate description you damned publication. Don't be confused: I am actually happy that the Malay Mail has decided to publish this article, I'm pissed about the government publication that published these comics. Worse still, they distributed these during a Taxi drivers gathering of some sort at Bukit Jalil on June 25th (Now we know where those racist taxi drivers get their motivation!). EVEN WORSE we are "charcoal" people. Hm.. another interesting fact i never new about myself. Bravo, you fucking publication!

Even though they promised to investigate this matter, its too late. The people have been brainwashed since June 25th and finding the person responsible for drawing this isn't going to suddenly change their already fixed perception of Africans. Sadly, the media's influence plays a large role in this matter. We, being gullible human beings believe whatever we see on the media without observing this for ourselves. Another thing is I don't blame the media for such racism. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute and imagine there was a particular race causing trouble in your country, you would want to warn your citizens about them right? thats the noble thing to do. What I'm complaining about is that they FUCKING generalize ALL Africans as being the same. The only African country that are causing trouble here are very well known, but instead of focusing on that SPECIFIC nation they ignorantly include ALL African Nations. That is not right.

That is all I have to say on this issue. Please bear in mind hat no-one is being blamed but the media's ignorance. The Malay Mail isn't being blamed, but the publication responsible for such a comic deserves to be sued by all the African Embassies here. No racism towards any nation here, its just my honest opinion. 

PS: If you do feel offended by this article, its not my concern because the last time i checked, a blog is a place where i can post my feelings and opinions. If you don't like it, find some other pretentious blog to read.

Freakin Cheers! 

My middle finger has indeed One Direction!

"Baby you light up my world like nobody else... " (Bitch please, the only one that can light up my life's the sun)

"You got that one thing..." (Yeah, a vagina!)

The annoying sound of five prepubescent boys belting their vocal chords in the hopes of making themselves heard constantly rings across my household on a daily basis. The fact that my two adolescent sisters constantly force One Direction facts into my head (like loyal Directioners) eg. "Did you know Harry has four nipples?" (Yeah, and so do some animals but you don't hear anyone making a fuss about it) or "Niall only has one kidney!" (I know a lot of Hobos and sick people who have one kidney but nobody makes a huge deal about it) or even "Zayn bought a new car!" (Dad just bought a new car, put that on E! too). Yes, sadly, Im stuck in a house full of Directioners. God save me. 

For those who are not familiar on the band and members of the band, let me give you a little introduction on them. Of course I wont give you some Wikipedia thesis on them, This is Jenny's version- REVISED. Overall, One Direction is that band that introduced insulting hits like "What Makes You Beautiful" and annoying beats like "One Thing" (Which definitely has an underlying sexual connotation). They consist of these guys over here:

The only One Direction member who isn't white. I suppose they probably added him  into the group to avoid looking like racists. Vayn (Vain) Malik is one of five sad members of One Direction and two of the three Gay-est members. He is definitely the vainest member and hence he deserves the name Vain Zayn. The only use he has in this band is to uphold their image of being a racially appealing band to the world. (Not that it worked anyway). As an Indian, Vayn has also been blessed with a bevy of thick dark hair which he vainly styles into world monuments and preserves them in a cloud of Hairspray. 

The next member of this ridiculous band is Cant-See Tomlinson. Cant-See is the oldest member of the band and has eyes that makes it seem like he is undressing you with every look. Well.. he isnt as popular as he others so there's really not much to say about him.... I suppose he did express his wish list recently for wanting to buy a fucking monkey (Not not a fucking monkey, a fucking monkey)... Now we know where he got his IQ from.

Ahhh... just when you thought they broke the Boy Band Act of the 1900s! They have a blonde in their group, which is like the basis for every Boy band to be founded upon. Niall Hoe-ran was .. very blonde boy born in Ireland and has been told, resembles Justin Bieber (If they mean mind boggling hair and feminine looks then they're spot on!). Rumor has it he's dating Demi Lovato... OBVIOUSLY she's the perfect target! She's vulnerable, prone to cutting herself and has been to rehab. Perfect candidate for Hoe-rancy. Not much to say about him either...same tart as that Small-Eyes kid. the blonde kid seals the boyband deal. (They could've gotten a leprechaun instead)

PING! And then we have Liam Pain! (Yes the misspelling of the name Payne is intentional). A major Pain in the ass, pan in the guts and also pain to the ears! His sole purpose in the band is to smile and compare himself to the Biebs while flashing his teeth that can be spotted from miles away. His role of being a Directioner also involves lip-synching the lyrics of the song and making pretty boy faces at the camera in their music videos. Major Payne indeed! 

And of course, I have saved the best for last! The creme de la creme of One Direction, the glue that holds the boys together, the driving force behind their creepy smiles... And that honor, ladies and Gentleman, can only got to one person only... Gay-rry Styles! This one is mostly known for his tendency to date women older than him (max. 60 yrs, min. 30 yrs ) who also look like Chewbacca's foot. The most mind-boggling fact about him is  -are you ready for this?- DRUMROLL PLEASE...

..........

..........

... He's a dude. 

I know. I was shocked too. His she-male looks accompanied by his Susan Boyle hairstyle and creepy Barbra Streisand Smile and Milli Vanilli swag. His high pitched wail doesn't help his case at all. But, peeps, he's not a she. He's a he.  Let me give you a moment to absorb that. 

Those five trannys are what makes all the teenage girls have butterflies in their stomachs. Frankly, to me, there;s only One Direction my middle finger can go..... upstairs!

PS: If you are a Directioner and you feel mildly offended by this post, IDGAF. Save it for the comments. 

PPS: If any of you are Non-Directioners, join me in establishing the League of Extraordinary Non-Directioners and we shall eliminate all of these Directioners! Bahahahahah!

Carly Rae Jepsen- Bloggified

Hey you just logged on,
And you're on my blog,
And here's my blogpost,
So comment maybe,

Written and Awesome-fied by Me!

Easy Steps to being my Boyfriend (Lucky, lucky)

Good day fellow Bloggians! Indeed i have been on hiatus as expected but then I come with good news so don't sacrifice me to Kali alright? In the months that I have been missing...(Whoops!), a countless number of things have happened to me and those around me. I noticed some very disturbing things about my life. Firstly, that for the 3 years that i have been studying in my course, I am still not satisfied with it. I mean, my original line of study was Fashion Designing just so that i could walk in the same wavelength as the likes of Marc Jacobs, Zac Posen, John Galliano, Anna Sui and etc. Too bad Dad thought it was an "unreliable" line of study and decided to place me in some university i never heard good things about. Until today I regret not secretly signing up for  Elite Fashion Academy or the Parsons School of Design and then hopefully being accepted so that my dad would have no choice but to let me study there.

The second thing that I find especially disturbing is that  I'm still single. What the heck is this? What's fucking wrong with me? Could it be that I'm not up to the Attractiveness Standards of some men? Or could it be that I myself have set some impossibly high standards for the men.

O.O

Well, my criteria for what i want in a guy are so simple to accomplish. Its not like I require a guy to get me a magical unicorn that was sent down by Zeus and fulfills my every worldly wishes... *quickly scratches that off he list*. Hey! But if that was possible why not? ~_~ Ultimately what I want in a guy is:

1. He can be of any race (except certain races which i shall not mention for fear of being branded a racist towards that specific race)- but preferably European (Hispanic <3) or Australian.
2. He doesn't have to be too well off but well enough to support us.
3. He must have a viewable face.
4. He MUST NOT be shorter than me. Special cases where he is allowed to be the same height as me is when he is so impossibly gorgeous that my brain immediately overlooks his height.  
5. He has to tolerate me.
6. He MUST buy me an eagle as the dowry for our marriage PLUS the money. (Special Cases where he cant find an eagle and gets me an Owl instead.)

And this here is a deal breaker...

    7. He HAS to have a sense of HUMOR (You know, the feeling where he has to laugh?)

Yes, and that's my amazing list of things i want in a guy. Not so hard to accomplish right? Jeez, Jenny, you might as well die old and wrinkled... STFU, you damn conscience! :) So at the end of the day hats what's been disturbing me. And to make matters worse, i feel like the second issue has been slapping itself on my face.  95 percent of my buddies have boyfriends. Out of that 95%, 70% are engaged, 20% are married and the 5% are unsure....possibly confused. I swear to God, if a guy with all these qualities accidentally tripped in front of me (and he looked like Sean Faris/Armando Torrea/Cam Gigandet/ Corey Sevier/ Ricardo Medina Jr/ That guy from White Collar/ Any hot guy) i would definitely catch him!

So note to self: Jenny STOP HAVING SUCK A FUCKED UP LIST OF EXPECTATIONS IN A GUY! ;-D

Until then, En Garde people! 

xoxo

Thou shalt not d'lete thy exes

Hi readers! This has been the shittiest week of my life so far. I mean, its just the first week since we got back from the holidays and I'm already feeling distressed! WTH? And the person responsible for this is my ex Aidan. He has really been fucking with me a lot(just a figure of speech- NOT literally!) especially during the holidays and he really thinks I'm some kind of puppet! Well, Aidan, you son of a really good woman known as your mother, I'm not a puppet and you are not my puppeteer.

I checked my Facebook a few minutes ago and then i was about to go to his page so that i could check out his activities and  stuff (honestly i dunno why i care... but i do, sadly) and then i realized he DELETED ME! What an UNCLE FUCKER! OK, i know i shouldn't care but then OUCH. I'm human and when you delete me as your friend its really OUCH! Stupid B******!

So anyway tthat was one of a series of shit that ruined the beginning of my weekend. Fuck it.

The primary lesson in today's blog is.. Thou shalt not d'lete thy exes.

xx

Where art thou, Hol'days?

Yes, the question speaks for itself. I totally have no idea where the holidays have gone? My three week break took a hiatus when I just realised that I have a whopping two days to be lazy.

I hate the fact that at the beginning of the holidays, I had these amazing ideas on what I would be doing and one of them involved working on my Fashionland and Casual Couture line which I haven't done jack!

You know what? Today I'm definitely going to work on at least 3 dresses for fashionland and an outfit for Casual Couture.

Wish me all the best readers!

XX