Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Could it be....?

Good evening readers! I'm mobile blogging again and I love it! Today I'm going to write about mixed feelings. I am having mixed feelings now towards this guy who I recently became close with.

Let me fill you in on him. He is from a similar country as mine and really nice to hang out with because he is funny and an all around wonderful person. Here's the catch (you ready folks?)- he is GASP short. And he is balding too. Ok, I know I shouldn't be materialistic but then...the bald part is serious as it can pass down to our children! Definitely not something I want to burden my kids with!

Ok so we have been hanging out a lot lately and I felt we grew closer as friends and confidants. Everything was just fine until two weeks ago when we were hanging out at the mall and then he did something that made our whole relationship really awkward and created an imaginary and uncomfortable wall between us. That moment when he did that. ..I was shocked that he actually had the guts to do it. Like how could he!

But that was not what caused the mixed feelings within me. The causal factor is that I suspect he feels the same way but is trying so hard not to give it away. God! This is where I don't know what to do! I'm so sacred that he might do the inevitable and ask me out.

What the fuck do I do then! Jeepers! I honestly do hope that these feelings that I am dangerously starting to develop towards him are unreal and a figment of my imagination. What I truly hope is that they go away. I don't want to feel that way.

At the end of the day, we are only human so these feelings that we tend to develop are normal. We just have to make sure that these feelings do not lead to us hurting ourselves and being misguided into a pit of betrayal and pain.

Until then, I'm out.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I am human and I need to be loved

Hello world! Thanks for throwing the worst at me! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!!! Anyway, drama aside , it has been 4 months since I broke up with him. That break up did two things to me. It made me more careful about the world and men in general and it made me change myself a lot. The change I underwent after the break up turned me into a better person physically and mentally.

I admit it took a huge toll at me in the sense that it affected me a lot. I would torture myself whenever he got too close to a girl. I became more paranoid in trying to find out who he is dating or interested in. I would go to the extent of stalking his facebook profile for any relationship changes or any pictures taken with a girl.

That was the sign of a deranged psychopath. I didn't and never want to go back to being that woman. I never want to repeat that awful phase again. I don't deserve it at all. I deserve the best like everyone else, after all, I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.

Now, in 2012, I am whole again. I am over him and I do hope he is over me too. I want to move on from that incident and paint a new picture on my slate.

That is life. One minute you make it and the next- you break it. Its the cycle of life. We just have to abide by the rules of God.


He shall see me through and help me with this ordeal.

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