Monday, August 27, 2012

My New Fashion Blog

Hello readers (and stalkers from other countries!) How are you all? This post is to notify you of my new blog which will be solely dedicated to fashion. This does not mean that it will be the demise of this   very interesting and sassy blog. It just means that I have provided an alternative blog for you all to read when it comes to dealing with grueling topics such as what shoes to wear with which outfit or what beauty tricks are the best for your skin type. This blog will be updated every two days (and I mean it too!). So buckle up, get your Louboutins ready and enjoy this blog! The official post for this blog will start on the 28th of August so stay tuned! 

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Welcome to Gaynesia!

Good Morning readers and stalkers from around the world! Today's blogpost is inspired by what I noticed around me in these recent years. The sudden rise of gay men in today's society is simply alarming. Wherever I turn, there's a gay guy checking out my outfit. Its like the whole world has suddenly become a whole new Gaynesia! Back in the days when the slightest indication of being gay was immediately rewarded with a hole through the brain (an ancient gay antidote), being gay was the biggest shit anyone could get themselves into. Nowadays, being gay is like eating a bag of Doritos and nobody gives a crap. Another inspiration for this blog was the sudden announcement of the coming out of the CNN news anchor Anderson Cooper and the discovery that Matt Bomer (the blue-eyed, brunette hunk of the show White Collar) is (that's right) gay. Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams ladies, but i just had to reveal it before any disappointments later ensued.

The most common stereotype of gay men is that they are fashion fanatics and love glitter. That they also love going on shopping sprees and love to hang out in groups with more girls than guys.Little do people know that nowadays if that was what gay people really were based on that stereotype then every guy who hung out with groups of girls, or who loved to dress well is considered gay. How retarded and stupid is that? Just because a guy dresses well, likes to take care of himself and shops at high end, quality stores doesn't mean that he is a bonafide GAY. He could be uh... I don't know... METRO-SEXUAL
What bothers me the most is that society tends to paint a picture of a perfect gay this way. This is even more annoying because we don't even know what the word GAY means anymore. People are confused about the meaning of the word gay no more than they are confused with the spelling of necessities (double C or S?) The word 'gay' itself has evolved from meaning 'happy' and 'cheerful' to meaning 'a person who prefers someone of the same sex'. A gay person is someone who likes his/her own gender. Period.  And its not like its a necessity for gay men to be feminine in nature. Some of my acquaintances who recently became gay are the manliest men I know. You don't have to be feminine to be gay. Likewise, you don't have to be gay to be feminine. 

In the case of females who are gay, its the same. There are some females that are very masculine in nature but they prefer the opposite gender. Its safe to say that gay women haven't really been distorted or imprinted as masculine in nature by the media into the brains of the citizens. In conclusion, this post was to contribute to the vocabulary of our media influenced society by clarifying that 'gay' is not the same as 'gay'. Needless to say that I do NOT support gay people, and I do not approve of gay marriage. Its something completely unnatural and disgusting for me. Think about this, if everyone became gay, how will we reproduce and continue to live in this world? My philosophy is: if you want to be gay, be gay, just not around me. 

PS: For those who feel mildly or insanely insulted by this post (especially the gay community), remember I did not insult anybody or defame anyone. I'm actually doing you a favor by explaining to society the difference between being gay and acting gay. You're welcome, bitches. 


Friday, August 24, 2012

Sh*t Guys do Before Asking a Girl Out

So there's this girl in your class and you see each other everyday and even talk to each other on a daily basis and sometimes she's the main character of your wet dreams boys, but you still go numb and stutter like a typewriter when it comes to asking her out. What the fuck is the problem? You like her, you're within stalking distance of her... go for it! The mistake that some guys make when trying to ask a girl out is by approaching her at a really bad time and expecting her to give a positive answer and instead get slapped in the face with an immediate rejection. Or another mistake they make is they WAIT UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT. Uh... did Christopher Columbus fucking wait until it was "the right time" to discover America? Or did Andres Iniesta wait until the game was over to score the winning goal for Spain in the World Cup? (Yes, I do know something about football...) NO! You know what? Let me list down all the mistakes made by men/boys when it comes to asking a girl out. 

A very common mistake made by guys before asking a girls out is that they tend to assume her relationship status instead of doing the sensible thing and uh.. investigating! The most common assumption is that because "she is too beautiful to be true she must have a boyfriend", or that "she's too pretty to be with a guy like me". Just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean that she should automatically have a boyfriend (unless this is some new trend I dont know about hm...). She could be all hot and shit but she's single and ready to mingle! So before assuming that she has a hunky, Chris Hemsworth type boyfriend (oh swoon...), do the most sensible thing and investigate! Ask her friends and all that and get what you're looking for! Likewise dont assume she would never go for a guy like you; she might have a queer liking for guys like you or you might even be her type so stop acting like Alvin the Chipmunk on Advil. 

If there was a penny for the number of guys who wait for a girl to make the first move or wait for the right time, I would be a fu**king millionaire! Too many guys fall into this category and the statistics show that these guys are f*king idiots for doing so! I mean, seriously? If you wait for her, its like waiting for the next Halley's Comet to pass by. And most people dont know this but according to a research conducted by yours truly involving her very willing friends and colleagues, the attractiveness of the one you crush on has a scale. the longer you wait for her, the less attractive she becomes and the more likely your interest in her will waver and diffuse onto someone else (usually someone better looking). 

"Uh.. hey [insert name of love interest here]... Uh, I think you're really pretty... and so gorgeous. You have really nice hair and really pretty lips... would you, like to go out with me sometime?" This line will be rewarded with a large IGNORE sign and the privilege of being number 1 on her list of people to avoid

"Hey babes... I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are. Your lips make Angelina Jolie's look like a man's, your eyes remind me of [insert compliment here], your body has more curves that a crinkle cut fry, your sexiness...[continues with more compliments]" You wouldn't be better off with this line either. This would get you a one way ticket to I DONT KNOW YOU town which is right next to LOSERVILLE. These two lines are just a pea in a pod of lines which are referred to (in my terms) as word raping. Its like raping her with your words and then subconsciously forcing her to agree to go out with you to repay your favor. She feels like you're attacking her with your lips, like you're raping her with your compliments. Many guys tend to do this not realizing that you come off sounding fake and that you just seem like a player. 

[Word Raping: (noun) The act of bombarding someone with an Everest of compliments and making them feel obliged to reciprocate your "kind words" in any way.] 

And the worst and perhaps the deadliest mistake any and all guys usually make is....

This is when a guy immediately confirms that just because the girl of his interest has glanced at him on several occasions, she (OMG) likes him! Dude, calm your balls. She could've glanced at you for just that reason- its a freaking glance and probably doesn't mean anything at all! Or maybe she spotted something utterly disgusting on your face and keeps glancing to check if you have noticed and are making any effort to get rid of it. There's a difference between a glance and a stare- Google it. Because of this most guys tend to rush into it and ask a girl out without even confirming that she likes him back.

So readers those are the top four common mistakes that most guys tend to make when asking a girl out. Physically. In the eve of next week, i will post a similar post but it will be related to online dating. Stay tuned and don't f*k around!



Monday, August 20, 2012

The Stalker Series: Ian Somerhalder

Hello folks! Today has been a marvelous day and I hope that you have all been well these past few days! As promised, Chapter two of The Stalker Series will be continued in today's post and of course Ian Somerhalder! Oh, the things I would do to mutilate this man if I were ever alone with him cannot be written in blog form. He is the finest of the fine and he is the smoothest of the smooth. He is hot, sexy, witty AND *gasp* he is a HUMANITARIAN!!! He has his own humanitarian and earth saving foundation named The Ian Somerhalder Foundation or ISF (you can check out more on them by hovering over the name and clicking on the link that will take you directly to the website itself) and this foundation is based in more than 50 countries and boasts a membership of hundreds. If any of you are interested, in the website itself there will be information on it. So more on the sexy beast himself, he looks like he was assembled on a golden tabletop and engineered with the good bits of every human being and perfected to the T. I mean, if he came up to me right now all ragged and shit and asked me to marry him... my answer would definitely be yes! So for those illiterate fools who do NOT know how he looks like (I cannot begin to fathom how...) and for the viewing pleasure of those who DO know him- here is the amazing IAN SOMERHALDER!!! 

Super Hot

My first encounter with this fine being was when he was a temporary addition to 6 episodes of Smallville that was eons ago! Our eyes met when he was mournfully awaiting his death on the streets of New York while being pitifully covered with scabs and looking very baux-eyed. I couldn't help but sink into his beautifully colored eyes and relish in the cries of help that escaped his beautifully carved lips. Then our next encounter was when a new series called Lost was introduced. Our love affair continued until the producer decided to do the unthinkable and killed him off. That was when he was gone, gone, gone... Then, God felt sorry for me and decided to reunite us in the new series the Vampire Diaries. It was a blessing in disguise for me (and a million other girls) as we finally had someone worth looking at in any series (with the addition of other co-stars too). 

What's there not to like about Ian? he's like the perfect guy wrapped in one! Sadly, rumor has it that he is seeing his Vampire Diaries co-star Nina Dob-bitch (hate her!) and like all Hollywood romances the life span of this one is bound to be shorter than Miley Cyrus's new haircut. Btu since we all love Ian, we wish him all the best in life and love and we hope to see him acting for a long time to come :) So next week on my stalker list is hot, sizzling and really, really... discreet? and starts with a H..... N........ .

Stay Tuned.



Monday, August 13, 2012


Its either I've gone blind or I have met a genie and he has finally granted me my 5th wish- to see The Wanted LIVE! They are finally within stalking distance and I now have the chance to breathe the same air as them (while inhaling some of their sweat infused odor). This calls for a special edition of the Stalker Series: The Wanted coming out next week! I sense that this concert will be way better then the disaster that was Justin Bieber or the disappointment that was Beyonce (she was supposed to come but the citizens threw a huge hissy fit over it). It night even be better than *GASP* Adam Lambert! So now begins my journey of either winning the tickets or forcing myself to fish out some cash and actually buy the ticket. Ugh, what a drag! Here is the poster that caught my eye and cultivated butterflies in my stomach and swarmed bees in my empty space of a brain. 

And this is why being a blogger is amazing: I get to stalk celebrities like these without getting caught. And the best part, I just have to flash my "Media" card at them and I can have my 15 minutes or drooling with them. in 3D. So as the poster states there will be three different types of tickets that can be purchased: The cheapest (and the one least likely to get you 100 feet within the Wanted) which is RM150, the moderate one (and the one that will at least grant you 5 seconds of seeing Siva's jawline, Max's baldness, Nathan's eyebrows, Tom's misshapen face and Jay's cute blonde curls) which is RM250 and the exclusive one (one that will guarantee you to be able to smell them, breathe their dead skin cells and even taste their sweat- yes that close!- and one that will burn a nasty hole n your pocket) which costs RM450. So the choice is your people! 

As for me, I know exactly which ticket I will buy- the one that will allow me to snip some of Jay's hair (damn you Max for not having any hair!) and voodoo'ing him into being entirely besotted to me. I wish.   So my journey for the perfect The Wanted tickets begins and as for you all reading this, RUN to your nearest ticketmaster and grab the very best ticket! Who knows? Maybe you might be the next Mrs. the Wanted. 


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sisters... We fight... But the love is always there

Good Morning readers! Today's blog post is all about those adorable creatures that we call our little sisters. Sisters are meant to be the missing link in a family of boys and the last puzzle in a family of girls. Yes, its very normal for sisters to fight 24/7 but at the end of the day if something horrible happened to your sister, you would stick your neck out for them. Thats the beauty of having sisters. Coming from a really big family (consisting of 11 children and 3 parents), God has blessed me with a handful of sisters to whom I can pass my adult knowledge to in the future.  The inspiration for this post was fueled by a recent (and still ongoing) feud I had with one of mine. It all started last Saturday when I had to attend my best friend Kesslar's birthday party, forgetting that I told my two siblings that I would take them on a tour of my university. 

                                        Funnily enough one of them didn't mind and seemed to  understand that I couldn't miss a close friend's birthday party, but the other one wasn't as understanding. She threw a hissy fit and gave me attitude that lasted from Saturday until as we speak. What i fail to understand is that it's definitely NOT NECESSARY to blow things out of proportion. Jeez. From the silent treatment, it transformed into rudeness and unnecessary jibes at each other (though concealed). Now Its like living with Van Halen -_-... awkward and uncomfortable. And the worst part about this is that it just gets worse. In actual fact, this feud should be settled among those involved but then all of a sudden other parties get involved and then things are getting really ugly now.

In my honest opinion, the best way to solve such issues is to bury the hatchet and forgive each other- which is not easy to do since the person in question is a tough egg to crack. So the best way to handle this would be to shut up and see what happens. If it turns out great, a loud round of applause is greatly inspired... but if it turns out horribly, then blow me i think Dr. Phil should be on line 2. 


Friday, August 10, 2012

I do... not yet

Morning bloggers and readers. The inspiration for today's post is marriage. Recently I have been plagued with questions from my other friends on "Did you know blah blah got married/is engaged/ is going to get married this weekend?" Whoah, Whoah, WHOAH! Do I hear the 1800s knocking on the door? What happened to the conventional I-wont-get-married-until--establish-my-career-first paradigm? Since when was getting married in college a sudden trend? The worst part, I cant keep up with this trend. 75% of my friends are happily married. How is that is even plausible. In my mind, I cannot even begin to fathom the idea of me being somebody's wife. Is there a handbook for that?

If there ever was it would definitely be titled The Clueless College Chick's Guide to Being Someone's Wife. How fitting -_- I'm not saying if someone proposed to me I wouldn't consider it, but the likelihood of me agreeing quickly to it is one in a hundred million. Besides the whole process involves a few impossible to fulfill steps. 

- Scanning (aka stalking)
- Selecting (aka seducing)
- Attacking (aka getting together)
- Captured (aka no escape)

Computer geeks, sorry to disappoint but this has nothing to do with the technical computer scanning. Now leave. This is the stage whereby we all begin by scanning the gene pool (the good side) for potential candidates. We cant just close our eyes and pick whatever comes our way! How ridiculous does that sound! What I mean is. dont go for the impossible. Go for the possible and make him impossible to get (Shit, look at me giving out advice like I'm freaking Nigella Lawson ). At this stage, the rule is to look but dont stare. Staring is rude but looking is your right, its your eyes so look all you want, stare at your own risk. So after scanning, just move forward and then strike while the iron is hot! This means you fight tooth and nail to discover their real name, then google them and start looking through your friend's  Facebook/Myspace/Instagram photos for them. Then you stalk them for a maximum of 2 months - 1 month for those who aren't patient (No more, no less!) and then after that its the anonymous inbox. This involves in-boxing your object of your stalking with something creepier than the Joker's face. NEVER send them something like,

"Hey gorgeous, I saw you walking towards [insert location here] and I wanted to get to know you better, so I found your profile and added you." Seriously? He's gonna think you're the fucking witness protection program or something. Calm down, why in the world would you hint that you were stalking him for? Tis inbox will often be rewarded with a big, fat BLOCK plus an IGNORE (ouch).

Desist from sending them shit like this,

"Hey sexy, I wanna F*** with you and [insert the nastiest comments here]" or "You make me so [insert the sleaziest comments here]" That will give you a one way ticket to Pervert Town. So instead of sending crap like that, send some thing simple like "Hello", "Hi" or even "How are you :) ". They will most likely respond and hesitate to click the block button even. so from this stage comes the next stage.

Also known as the seducing stage. This is where you start communicating regularly with them to the extent that when they dont respond to your texts you think of possible reasons why they couldn't reply. You become a raging maniac by checking their status update and contemplating on whether you should comment or not or like it or not. At this stage, your mind is filled with only the person of attraction hat you dont realize how crazily you're reacting. at this stage, Facebook chats become, Skype exchanges and then Kik buddies and ultimately Whatsapp/Kik buddies. Also, in this stage seduction is key. If you screw up in this stage, you screwed up the whole thing. Some of the major screw ups involved in this stage is when both parties are over excited when it comes to replying their texts or replying too soon or replying too late. I swear by the 5 minute rule- wait for 5 minutes and then respond because that way, if he/she is interested then he might try harder to gain your attention instead of you giving him your full attention like the confetti at the 4th of july parade.

In my definition this stage is better known as the getting together stage. Now it may sound easy but then its difficult as fuck! Firstly most text buddies seem to wonder how in the world they would get with that person. Simple- a fucking first date will suffice. The problem is how to ask the person out without sounding like a Pee Wee Herman at a kid's Bar Mitzvah. Even simpler. Just make your first outing together a casual thing and tell him to invite his friends and say that you will invite yours. BULLSHIT!

It is a well known psychological fact that when both parties say they will invite their friends to an outing they usually turn up alone and hence you both get that alone date that you always dreamed of. The next step is the actual date itself. Most of us make the mistake of pretending to be busy with our phones (especially those cursed with a smartphone) whenever the moment gets silent and awkward. DESIST and ask even the dumbest questions. That way he will think you are an amazing girl who is open minded and really cool. SHIt, he's just going to get to know you better. From there on, several dates will occur, but how they occur is the mind boggler. It is a known tradition that the girl usually waits for the guy to call/text. What the fuck for? this time, the woman should calm her tits and ask him out so that he wouldn't think you're uninterested and ignore you.

Perhaps the best stage yet (to some) is the trapped stage or the no-escape stage. this is when you have them at the palm of your hand and when they cannot escape and have no choice but to ask for your hand in marriage or they would lose you to the next guy. of course i'm being sarcastic here, they CAN escape but they chose a more tortuous path and choose to marry you instead. Simple mechatronics.

So all in all guys, I'm not some relationship phobic girl, I'm just a normal girl who is trying to escape from being married too early (while trying to avoid those aforementioned steps). We're not in the era of Tutankhamen, we're in the millenia and unlike Kim Kardashian, not all of us have men who throw themselves at us at every chance they get. If you want true love, you get up on your fucking ass and follow that stripper named Destiny and she will lead you to another one called true love.

Ahoy mateys!

PS: This post is not a jab, jib or jibe at any insanely young married couples. Its just an expression of my opinion and if you do feel insulted, sorry brah, I cant help you out there. Either read it and weep or GTFO. All hail the freedom of speech.


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Stalker Series: Jessica Lowndes

Hello everyone! Following my recent laziness to update my blog I decided to post at least one post every week. Hm.. sounds fair doesn't it? So in a series of blog posts, i have decided to create a new series called the Stalker  Series. the Stalker Series is like a mini series about some celebrities -male and female- that I either envy, crush on, or have an affinity towards. Enter the life of me that is filled with 13-year old dreams and 50 year old delusions. Evidently, the Stalker Series wont be as creepy as TMZ or as pathetic as So for today's episode, the celebrity that is fortunate enough to be my object of affection is... (as the damn title suggests) Jessica Lowndes. For those of you who are not familiar with her click on this fabulous link ------>  and a timeline of her life shall unveil before your eyes (plus unnecessary information about her highs and lows but i guess if you want to know the important bits you can always log onto this website ------>

To give you a pictorial description of this fine specimen:
Jessica Lowndes

Now Let me describe what a beauty she is. Jessica Lowndes is like Megan Fox + Angelina Jolie + Mila     Jovovich on the scale of ridiculous hotness. I first saw her in Beverly Hills 90210 (the remake with the thinner and more anorexic cast who act like they're on prozac 24/7 ) and hat was when I had a temporary lesbian crush on her and that developed into a permanent heterosexual crush on her. I mean, what's there NOT to like? She's gorgeous, she has a bubbly personality (even though she played the role of an utter bitch on the show) and the best part is that she's not skinny! That gives a great message that you dont have to be skinny to be beautiful. I mean she's not the typical hungry looking celeb, she's well fit and looks great too! I hoep she doesn't turn out like some celebrities who lose weight and become the equivalent of a chopstick. No wait, chopsticks are fatter than her- right, angel hair pasta- soon to be thin like a needle. So all in all, she's one for whom I would definitely go lesbian for. If I were ever to write a vampire series i would definitely employ her to play the lead vampiress. so stay tuned for my next celebrity crush whose name starts with a H.......... . See ya later, perpetrator!


XOXO, Jenny.