Thursday, May 29, 2014

10 Things I Should Stop Doing To Myself

Hey world! Today's post is inspired by this article which was written by Marc Chernoff. In this article he basically outlines the many different things that an individual should stop doing to themselves and I realized that ten of these are very true. I won't bore you with a lecture on the specifics that he had outlined but I will write my version of it which will outline how and why I want to stop doing these things to myself. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my life. 

1. Stop running from your problems.
I've always run from my problems. Despite advising others to face their problems and stop being such decadent cowards, I still do it. As I am typing this sentence itself, I still run away from my problems. I guess the reason why i do this is because of the fear of failing to tackle these problems which will ultimately lead to my failure. I have so many unresolved issues now simply because I refused to face the music and do the Devil's dance. Working on this would really help me come up with better solutions to my problems.

2. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
Yeah... I recently realized that I have a terrible affliction towards helping others while ignoring my own needs. Granted I am not a pushover or anything but I could always try to be selfish at least once. Sometimes I tend to forget that I need to put myself before others and this habit was more apparent in University. I used to volunteer to help my friends out when I knew that I had a really difficult exam the next day or I'd volunteer to do someone's assignment for them because I felt sorry for them. Seriously, I should stop. Marc is right, I need to help myself too, not just others.

3.  Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
How much truer can this be? All my life I have tried to be someone else. This doesn't mean I am a fake person but this only applies to me physically. I've always grown up believing that I was the ugly duckling in my family and that I would never be as pretty as my siblings or my mom too. As I blossomed into a woman I undertook several measures to make myself "prettier" in the eyes of society. I won't lie and say that I've stopped doing this because beauty is an ongoing struggle but I realized that surrounding myself with good people does help me realize my inner beauty which ultimately will reflect my outer beauty too.

4. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
This one strongly relates to my past relationships- both platonic and romantic with people. As shitty as my memory is, I am the kind of person who will never forget an incident that has caused me so much pain and was initiated by a friend/boyfriend. For instance, up until today I remember what my ex told me when he broke things off- "It's not working out and I've found someone much better looking". Boy, did that create a social wedge between me and boys for ,like, ever. And there are a few past grudges that I still hold on to when letting go of them is easier than keeping them. In fact. I'll need to work on this as soon as possible. In the words of Marc, "You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one."

5. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
As a self confessed perfectionist, making a mistake is the bane of my existence. I was raised in an environment whereby perfection is something prudential in my life.  My dad always implied that I had to be perfect in my studies which was great because that made me graduate at the top of my class.... and affected me in other areas too. Nowadays, at work, whenever I'm given a task to perform, I feel like I have  to be perfect at it in order to produce great results and be praised by my boss for a job well done. When Marc says, "Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing", I say "Why should I get it wrong ten times when I can improve upon it after one shot?".

6. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn't work
I am the queen of doing this! I mean seriously, if there was ever a town called "Rejecting-Relationships-Based-On-Past-Failed-Relationships-ville" I would be the designated mayor. I reign supreme when it comes to shutting people off due to what happened previously in a past relationship. This usually happens in my... romantic relationships. To say the least, after my last relationship with that ex , I have never opened up and allowed myself to be in another relationship simply because I am so scared it will turn out like that one. Hopefully in the future I can gain the courage to take that step towards creating something beautiful with that other person.

7. Stop thinking you’re not ready.
I would say that this point applies to both my romantic as well as my professional life. Professionally, at my current age, I feel like I am not ready to be shoved into the hardcore corporate world. I am still comfortable doing a job whereby I don't need to stand out explicitly from the others. Marc has a point, when he says that no one ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises, they just have to take a few steps towards finding a way to handle/accept that opportunity.

8. Stop being ungrateful.
There are times when I used to ask why I didn't have a certain thing or why I wasn't born a certain way but now that I think about it , I realize how stupid I was for ever thinking that way! I have been given so much in my life compared to a large percentage of others in this world! The clothes that I wish i had more of? There are plenty in the world who are void of clothes. The food I barely finished? The kids in Vietnam would give anything to have a taste of what I've wasted. The body I complained about being too fat? at least I was born with a full set of limbs. I need to be more thankful for what I've got because there are others out that who wished they had a fraction of what I have. 

9. Stop being jealous of others.
Growing up in a society whereby everyone is constantly competing with each other was the cause of me being jealous of almost everyone around me. I grew up from humble beginnings and my parents had plenty of kids to support which meant I nearly almost didn't get what I wanted. If I wanted a new dress I'd have to make do with a cheaper dress that wasn't as good as the one I wanted or if I wanted to hang out with my friends my parents would come up with plenty of excuses as to why that couldn't happen. The fact of the matter is, these things made me super jealous of my friends because they could have whatever they wanted without hesitation and everyone always seemed to be doing much better than me. So I grew to develop this jealousy towards whoever had better things than me or were better at something than me. Ultimately it has come to the point that the littlest things that shouldn't make me jealous of a person, in fact, does just that. I guess I need to get back to the same thing I mentioned in point #8 about being more thankful for what I have because there are some people who would give anything to experience this too.

10. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.
Enjoy the little things, is what Marc advises in his article.Suffice to say I've made myself so busy with the big things that the beauty of the littlest, simplest things have escaped my grasp. Today when I look back at these moments that I've missed, I wish I could turn back time and pay closer attention to them. I've missed so many things that seemed like a small matter to me but meant a lot to those close to me. When Marc says that, "One day you may look back and discover they were the big things" I understand and can relate. Hopefully in this pending second half of 2014, I can find the heart to give precedence over the smaller matters which do in fact make up the most important moments of my life.  

Marc Chernoff has pinpointed 20 other moments but I chose to write about  these ten because they were the ones that I could easily relate to. Now let us have a moment of silence to ponder on our past misgivings and future endearments.

Hope this post inspires you to think of several things you need to stop doing to yourself before it's too late.

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