Tuesday, September 3, 2013

How [NOT] to ask a girl out- The T.O.A.S.T Way!

Hello readers! I hope you are all doing well. Today's post is all about LOVE. Well, not exactly. It's just another piece of wisdom from my personal love journal. The content of my love journal comes courtesy of my heart, soul and experience. This is to say that every tip and advice that is in this post has been experienced by me. As per the title, this post aims to once again, address the issues that we all face when it comes to the opposite (or same) gender. The target for this post is the male gender (sorry, ladies)! Now, guys, have you ever wondered why she never texted you back? Why she didn't respond to that text you wrote on her Facebook wall? Why can't even spare you a passing glance after you asked her out that one time (and got blown off)? Well, obviously it's because there's something you aren't doing right at all!

That is why I have come up with some tips that could help you overcome this issue of being rejected because let's face it, nobody likes being rejected. Makes you feel like shit. Unlike other blogs or advice columns that tell you how to ask a girl out, this post will tell you how not to ask a girl out. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to... T.O.A.S.T. No, I wasn't trying to spell toast- it's an acronym for the five tips that I have procured.

T: Texting
O: One Liners
A: At the Club
S: Social Networking
T: The Friend

Before I begin, I'd like to outline that these tips are not foolproof and hence, they do not work for everybody. This is just my way of trying to help you guys out and since I am a woman, I think it's better that I give a little insight into what the male gender are doing wrong when they are asking a girl out. Let's get on with it shall we? 

1. T for Texting

Issue: It is a well known fact that asking a girl out through a text message is the best way to do it because then you won't be a nervous wreck in front of her plus it saves her the horror of seeing you sweat (which grosses her out and causes her to reject you). WRONG. Asking a girl out through a meaningless, cheap 5 to 15 cent text message (even worse, imagine it  was rife with slang like this: H3y, Wanna go oUt wif meh?) is one of the worst ways to ask her out. It's also really creepy too. And weird. From my experience girls usually react to this manner of courtship with disgust. Most of the time they wonder why the guy couldn't just go up to them and ask them in person. Well, girls, sometimes you don't make it easy for them with your spellbinding attractiveness (trust me, our beauty intimidates guys a lot). The thing is, texting a girl shows that you are a coward, not brave enough to ask her out in person which isn't something you want her to think of you at all. The girl would also assume that you aren't even bothered to exert enough effort into seeing her in person.

Solution: Be a man and grow some balls. March up to her and ask her out like a MAN!  Girls actually like it when a guy asks them out because it feels more genuine and less artificial than texting her. Also it's more sincere and it shows her the effort (it may not seem so important to you but we girls tend to notice and acknowledge these little things) that you have put into seeing her. 

2. O for One Liners

Issue:  Not all girls find one liners/pickup lines "cute" or "adorable". Movie girls, sure, they love one liners. In fact, It's the best way to get into their pants, but real girls find them lame and idiotic. Usually, in order not to hurt your feelings, they would just laugh at them and slowly inch away from you. Besides, one liners should've been extinct by now (I'm surprised they're still in use!). Hey 2013, 1996 wants it's pick up lines back! What's worse than a one liner is one that was ripped off the internet so many times and altered by so many people. Guys, just don't okay. Just don't. Asking a girl out in the form of a one liner (Eg: If a country was named after you, it'd be called WillYouGoOutWithMe-nia) is terrible. It just makes you sound like a copy of George Clooney and that is a terrible thing. Once again, 1996 wants it's one liners back.

Solution: The only solution to this would be to erase every memory of any one liner. Also burn that book of one liners that you bought from a bookstore because that won't get you the girl. Instead of a one liner, a simple joke would be a great way to start things off without making yourself the subject of the joke.

3. A for At the Club

Issue:  I cannot begin to fathom why most guys think it's a good idea to ask a girl out, in a noisy-ass club filled with liquor and spirits with people gyrating around you. The whole environment of the club makes it the worst place to ask anybody out. I remember this one time I was with my friend at a club and this guy approaches her and asks her out. Over the extremely loud wailing of Pitbull, she misheard him and though he asked her if he could feel her up. She gave him the tightest slap (tighter than Chris Hemsworth's abs) and we left that place. That is one of the discrepancies and dangers of asking a girl out at a club and some others include, being misunderstood, impaired hearing and the highest possibility of being rejected. When a guy asks a girl out at a club, the chances are, that she is already drunk (or soon to be drunk) and will probably forget about you in the next 30 minutes upon introduction or that she is so into the music that she won't even realize that you are asking her out. Also picture this. You are about to ask her out when suddenly some drunk guy starts gyrating himself on her. How unromantic is that?

Solution:  Ask her out anywhere else BUT the club. Preferably somewhere quiet, private and more importantly devoid of people gyrating against one of you. Also the absence of wine and spirits is good too.

4. S for Social Networking

Issue:  Have you ever asked her out in the form of a comment on one of her photos or statuses? Have you ever posted "Will you go out with me?" ( or anything of a similar variant) on her wall/profile? Have you ever *GASP* tagged her in a lovey dovey photo asking her out? Then you, my friend must've been rejected plenty of times. The social network is too public to ask a girl out. The girl might actually feel obliged to say yes to save you the embarrassment of your request going unanswered. In fact, she might be a little angry that you would ask her in such a manner. Once again, this shows a lack of effort in actually bothering to ask her out. Worse, still, she might just UN-friend and block you. The social network is a veil upon which people tend to hide behind for fear of being REJECTED (the dreaded R-word). Most guys think this is a good way to ask girls out but it just pisses them off.

Solution:  See No.2

5. T for The Friend

Issue:  Personally, this method really pisses me off. The girls I've interviewed also reacted the same way when I asked them how they would react if a guy asked their close friend to ask you out for them. Most of them confessed that it was a huge turn off. Most of them felt like they were in high school again when you were passing gum along from one person to another. A large percentage felt that it wasn't as private as it should've been and that it felt strange wimpy. Guys, even if a gun was being forced onto your forehead, DO NOT... EV-ER ask her friend to ask her out on your behalf. it's just so... wimpy. And it just automatically reduces the last remaining manhood you have. The main issue here is that she might think you aren't taking her seriously enough to ask her yourself instead of sending someone on your own errand. And she'll feel like you were too lazy to tell her yourself. (Girls, remember, don't shoot the messenger, shoot the sender).

Solution:  Guys, just ask her out already! I mean, come on! I know that she may seem intimidating but trust me, when you ask her out yourself, she will have some new found respect for you and would appreciate the gusto that you put into asking her out. Personal engagement is also another way of flattering her, by telling her that you respect her enough to come face to face with her and meet her. Bravo, champion.

Good Luck, Amigos!

1 voice outs:

Michelle (Confessed Travelholic)

Haha funny post! I agree with you on all of these! Facebook is def the worst for asking someone's happened a few times, which always makes me go, "really?!"