Valentine's Day Through The Years

Ladies and Gentleman. Females and Males. Sons and Daughters... it is that month of the year! The month that makes men sweat as they try to figure out how to please their missus. The month a man spends his entire salary on just to make that perfect date. The month containing that infamous date, the cruel and notorious.. February 14th, aka... Valentine's Day! *Shudders* [Insert sharp thriller killing scene soundtrack of your choice here].

Yes, February is the month of love and I remember back in the days when I loathed Valentine's Day and this was largely due to the fact that I was mostly alone and boyfriend-less and standing in hotel corners hissing at happy couples as they pass by. Ok, fine I didn't hiss at them... I scowled at them. It displeased me greatly to see the tall, leggy women prancing around with their boyfriends laden with ruby red roses. But now, I became one of those ladies... well I'm still working on the leggy part but you get the picture. 

Before my college years, Valentine's Day was pretty shitty for me. Being that girl with the gap in her teeth, no one wanted to date me. In our school, we had this secret admirer bullshit in which if you had a crush on someone in your school, you could send them secret chocolates, cards or whatever sweet item and it will be delivered to them instantly by the "cupids". Here, you could either go bold and reveal your name on the tag or be mysterious and keep your crush guessing while building up their self esteem that someone actually like likes them. Well unfortunately (actually, fortunately for me because none of the boys were my type during Valentine's Day), I received no such thing. SO Valentine's Day did suck for me in high school. 

Fast forward to my college years when Valentine's Day was slightly bearable because I wasn't the only one without a boyfriend or a crush to receive heart shaped gifts from. I had a score of friends who were my army of non-Valentines and we gloriously showed St Valentine the middle finger.... until the next year when I landed myself a boyfriend. Those girls were dead to me as soon as I bagged myself a mister. I know, I know, sisters before misters but screw that, I had someone who could give me roses and a nice dinner and gifts. The problem was that we started dating after Valentine's Day and have broken up before the next one, so dammit, there went my chance. 

Few years after that I was on an anti-men campaign and refused to date, mate or relate with any man until I was thirty. I frequented bars with my close friend, and we had more fun focusing on ourselves than being concerned with happy couples and roses. During those years, Valentines Day was a myth for me and all this love that was spread around and apparent in the faces of the youth at the malls was an illusion. Nothing could make me like Valentine's Day ever again... well until now. Now that I have met the guy of my dreams, my concept and expectations of Valentine's Day have shifted. From fancy dinners, expensive gifts and whatever materialistic romantic crap they showed in the movies to just having the person by your side watching a pirated movie and eating chips off our chests constitutes the perfect Valentine's to me.

I have ceased to be the Ebenezer Scrooge of Valentine's Day and have become more accepting of it. Admittedly, all I ever wanted- despite the shows of hatred and dislike for the day- was to have a memorable Valentine's Day with the right guy by my side. Luckily for me, that will be true in every sense of the way in a  few days. I hope this post inspires you to take the initiative to actually enjoy Valentine's Day this year and the coming years too. Anything you'd like to share about Valentine's Day in general or your personal experience with Valentine's Day? Hit me up in the feedback form below and Hopefully I can get the 3 best ones into my next post. 

El Oh Vee Ee (Baby Don't Hurt Me)

No. Not a review about that one song that made Haddaway popular. Also not a a Hallmark epic about how I found the love of my life on a fine sunny day. Erm.. close. Hello future Hemmingways and Thatchers! Welcome to another long awaited but lazily postponed post detailing the misdemeanors and adventures that are almost non- existent in my life. Today's installment is about love. Or as I like to call it, El Oh Vee Ee. I know it has taken a while to fully understand but I finally get it. I get why artists are so adamant about expressing their undying love for their unknown interest. I get why people are weak in the knees when they're with the one they love. I get why epics were written about them. I also get why people kill for the ones they love.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in love. Not with myself, but with an actual human being that has limbs, walks and talks and breathes. After the failed... 2 relationships that I've had before (Bosnian guy & German guy), I never thought I would ever let myself succumb to a man. After those two experiences, I never really bothered with men ever again because they were all evil in my eyes and I was better off alone. But now... things have changed. My faith in men has been restored. And the person responsible for this feeling that I literally can't explain is  Cody**. I explained how me and Cody came to be in this post. As you all know, I am not the most expressive person. I'm not your regular Sally Fulloflove or Linda Lovemore. But with this guy, I transform into those two and even more! 

He has positively influenced me and made me understand what love means. So in my interpretation, love is the feeling you have when that person's happiness automatically becomes yours. When that person's achievements make you proud. When that person can't be imperfect in your eyes and will always set the highest bar for everyone else. When you can't get enough of that person. When you still get butterflies even though you are comfortable with that person. When even the sun's warmth cannot match the intense warmth you feel when you think about or are near that person. Love is also much more than this. Everything is intensified.  Love also knows no color, just the beauty of the soul. The best part about love is when it's being reciprocated on the exact same level.

Look at me. If I compared myself to me 3 years ago, we would be two different people when it came to how we felt about love. Man, some people can either f**k love up for your forever or restore your faith in it. Cody was that guy who restored it for me. And the only thing I want right now and for the months, years and centuries to come is for Cody to be a part of them. 

In conclusion, I hope this post wasn't too modern Shakespearean for you and that this would give you something to think about in the coming future. If you'd like to share our thoughts on the topic of love, scroll to the absolute last part of this page and you will see a form filler. Fill in the details and the questions and I will do my absolute best to answer them and even feature them here.  Until then, to infinity and beyond!

 ** Names have been changed to protect the identity of the person and frankly it's none of your business knowing the real name

Finally.

Dear ladies and gents, whores and s'mores, bears and beavers and men and women, I am very happy to announce that after more than 5 years of being uniformly single... I am now multiple. Just kidding. But really the God of Bad Relationship Luck can remove their unkind curse on me because baby I'm in a relationship! I have found Him. H.I.M. He exists in the form of my wonderful boyfriend Cody**- who's German by the way. There, I said it. I have a boyfriend. Read this and weep stalkers!

As of right now, I am in a state of bliss. Things are going too well. I have an active relationship. A hot boyfriend and I'm just in a good place right now. Many of you are wondering how, when, where, how and (maybe) why this came to be. Well beautiful people, I shall bestow upon you the privilege of knowing how this came to be. It all started on this wee lil' dating app which will not be mentioned here.

So what happened was that we started text-ing each other to the point that we agreed to meet in person. To be honest I had my doubts about him at the beginning; he barely had any except for one photo of his (barely visible) face, his description was hilarious but a little suspect as well and I just wasn't comfortable or ready to meet him yet. So because I already had plans with my best friend R*, I just combined both our outings into one huge group outing. So at the end of the night, not only was he better acquainted with me but also with 6 other people.

The next night we also went out in a group and frequently started text-ing each other after that. Then came a point on Sunday when he asked me out on an exclusive date- exclusive as in just me and him- that coming Friday and let me tell you it was UH-May-ZING! It was by far one of the best dates I have ever been on in 2015 thus far. I literally couldn't control my smiles around him after that. I couldn't stop thinking about him after that either. And we both couldn't stop text-ing each other after that.

This feeling that I currently have towards him is just immense and amazing too. I honestly have never felt this way for anybody in my life- thus far. And the best part about this is that this feeling is being reciprocated-TENFOLD. And trust me guys, it's great to know that someone is out there who actually misses you and actually wants to be with you. Fantastic.

We've both agreed to take this to the next level... being Nutella mates. Just kidding! We've mutually agreed to do whatever we can to make this relationship last for long. This is unlike the others I've bee on. This is serious. So serious that I'm so scared that this might all be a dream which I will wake out of someday and only hope it would be real. Except it's not a dream. It's my reality.

Finally.

Best. Date. Ever.

Hi my fellow, beautiful, amazing, fantastic readers! Yes, indeed I am in a great mood today due to the beautiful events that occurred to me earlier today. So remember that Scottish guy that I met on Tinder who I briefly mentioned in the previous post? Well for those of you who missed it, I met this amazing guy on Tinder two months ago and we have gone on two dates prior to the recent one yesterday. 

Yesterday/This morning's date was literally the best date I have ever been on in my entire, sad and almost non existent dating life. It was almost magical and definitely unforgettable. He was very kind, nice, funny and very, very good company. We started off the night with going to a very famous Skybar in the city center and despite not finding seats and finally moving onto another bar, he was happy that I took him there and showed him the place. We moved to a different rooftop bar/restaurant and sat down for drinks when we were interrupted by someone who couldn't take a hint that we were on a date. The guy overstayed his welcome until we left him to a group of other people and then moved on with the date.

We then moved to another bar and had a few drinks there (non-alcoholic for me), danced the night away  until we took a break and stood outside. We talked for a bit until I caught him staring at me. Helped by my 4.5 inch wedge heels, I was standing almost level with him (he's 6ft 3inches and I am only 5ft 6inches) so when he moved closer to me there wasn't any hassle about craning my neck. He looked into my eyes and then leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips. Finally! I wanted him to kiss me when we went on our second date but I guess he was too nervous and had too much respect for me to do it. The kiss was so good. It lasted a while before he pulled away, stroked my face and kissed me again. 

Basically when we got the chance to be close, he would kiss me as much as he could. At one point he moved from my lips to kissing my neck and lightly massaging it. The one thing I noticed about him while we were kissing is that his hands always stayed on my face and never ventured to explore my body like most guys' hands usually do. He was always caressing my face and stroking my cheekbones and the closest he ever got to my body was placing his hands on my waist. I liked this very much because it showed that he wasn't trying to rush into getting a good f**k out of me. The night ended with another kiss and I went home smiling wider than the Cheshire cat. 

To be honest, I secretly have high hopes for this thing to work out but at the same time I don't want it to proceed in case it goes jarringly wrong and I have to go all emo again and swear off guys. I mean, I'll never ever tell him this but I really like him. So much. I don't want to like him so I can protect myself from being hurt but I can't help it at all. It's something I can't avoid. 

Hopefully, more will happen after the pending fourth date and hopefully I can finally get closure in the whole sad, 23 year old-single-woman thing.

The Magical World of Tinder

Hi there blogiverse and my darling readers and critics as well! I know that it's been forever since I've updated this blog but I have a very justified reason for that. I have been very busy trying to normalize my work hours which have been very crazy! Suffice to say that I have even started working on the weekends too! I guess I'll be going through this up until the end of this year. Now, for those of you who are frequent readers of my blog and most of the posts here, you would know that I have been dropping in and out of the dating game.
 

Seeing as I'm a human being with working limbs and the flawed tendency to get sucked into social media trends, I've admittedly employed the help of popular mobile dating apps such as OKCupid, Badoo and Tinder. Badoo is full of stalkers and weird people (at least where I live) and OkCupid is lame and boring (though I did meet someone who turned out to be a very good friend now). I believe you're all familiar with this fancy schmancy little mobile app called Tinder . Tinder is originally a hook-up mobile app used by single people (and on the rare occasion- married people who are 'looking for a good time' or just can't stand each other) who crave sex/some fun while in town or something short term. Tinder can also be used to find like minded spirits with whom you can share a coffee with.To be honest, I have found close friends on this app plus I have gone on some pretty awesome dates.

Before I explain to you the pros and cons of using Tinder, I'd like to explain to you how this app works. In order to have a Tinder account, you must have a Facebook account because it uses all your information from there and photos to create a profile for you. I have tried to find a way to create a standalone profile but haven't found it. For those who are worried that Tinder might post something that would show your friends that you *ahem* use this app, worry not. Tinder does NOT post anything to your wall- ever! After everything has been created and photos set, then it will scan around your location for people who might interest you and all you have to do is swipe left to reject them and swipe right to accept them and start chatting. The good thing about Tinder is that you only chat with those who you have swiped right (and if they like you too and you both match).

Phew. Now that we have gotten that out of the way let's proceed to some pros and cons that I faced while using Tinder. One of the pros of using Tinder is that I am in control. I choose who I want to speak to and I decide who I want to meet with. It's not like OkCupid or any other site whereby any random sicko can send me a disturbing message without bounds until I had to block them . Another good thing about Tinder is that it's so easy to use! It's just a matter of swiping right or left. But the disadvantage in this is that there are times in which I found myself on a "No" streak and kept swiping left until I accidentally swiped a hot guy left. That is the most frustrating thing that can ever happen to you on Tinder: swiping an interesting person left instead of right and never getting a second chance to undo the mistake.

Another frustrating thing about Tinder is that most of the people who use it in my part of the world are tourists and they barely stay in one place. Which is why they are more likely to F**k then hang out. The response rate on Tinder can be pretty bad but the redeeming feature for that is the distance viewer. This way you can see how near or far this person is (and stalk them too). Overall, your experience on Tinder differs according to the people you meet there, but most of them are only looking to screw around. Finding love on tinder is like finding a needle in a tightly congested haystack the size of Africa! This is not to say that it is impossible, it is possible just the possibility isn't very high.

Personally I have met some great guys there of different varieties. Some were tall, some were short. Some were nice and some were rude. Some wanted to have sex at the end of the night and some were honored to just be in my company. Some wanted more than a kiss on the cheek and others were happy to get a hug. When I started using Tinder, I did it out of boredom. My intention was never to meet up with these guys or even speak to them. In fact, I only needed something to kill some time since 9Gag ceased to do that anymore. That quickly transpired into me chatting away with a couple of tourists and acting as a guide who told them where to go and how to make the most of their trip in the city.

The first person I met face to face after avoiding others was this guy from the Netherlands... who later turned out to want much more than friendship and kept bugging me about it until i had to delete him- with a very heavy heart as he was such a great guy. The next guy I met up with turned out to be a stalker and the rest after that were just not floating my boat at all. Coming up to my most recent Tinder date with this Scottish guy, it has been going well. This is one of those moments whereby I was happy I texted him first straight after we matched and relieved when he replied back.

As I am writing this sentence, he and I text almost everyday, share funny stories with each other and actually flirt here and there (and trust me, there has been a lot of flirting going on). We have already been on two dates and I foresee a few more into the future. Ever since we met, I have stopped using Tinder and really don't feel like getting back on that bandwagon anymore. I'd really like to see how this one ends up. Hopefully well.

So to those of you who'd like to try out this app, I say go ahead! It's worth the experience and it could well  help you find your Tinderfella/Tinderella. Good luck and have fun with the app!

**[DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way associated with Tinder or it's partner companies and is strictly written from a heterosexual woman’s perspective and experience while using this app. This is not a promotional post for Tinder unless stated otherwise.]

Keeping up with my Resolutions

Hello pals and gals! (I just finished reading an Archie comic so please, excuse my overly enthusiastic undertone) Hope today was a brilliant day for you as it was for me too. Today's blog installment is about an issue that has been very close to my heart for a very long time. My yearly resolutions. Like most of the world's population, every years I follow suit with creating a list of New year resolutions that I vow to keep at the beginning but end up disregarding towards the end of the year. 

This year's resolutions have by far been the best and third month in and I've already found myself getting way too lazy to keep up with them. I'd like to say that New Year resolutions are not as easy to keep as everyone thinks. It's so damn hard and takes a lot of willpower and patience (which I have none to spare) to successfully complete. Instead of writing down my entire list of 20 something things to work on, I've decided to narrow it down to the 5 most important things I prioritized on that list. Suffice to say, it's so hard trying to keep up with these five alone so imagine keeping up with the remaining 15 or more?! So, the five most important resolutions on my list are:

1. Eat More Healthily

2. Work-Out More aka Lose Weight

3. Make an Effort in Dating/Meeting New People

4. Travel More

5. Talk to my Mother more often

Now I'll just let you know the progress of each of these resolutions. Let's begin with the first one, which is:

Eat More Healthily

Everything in this one sentence goes against my beliefs that I can eat whatever I want and not give a care in this world. I am extremely ashamed to say that I have started to fall back on this resolution because unhealthy food is the quickest option and easiest option to satisfy my ravenous appetite. Also the fact that I live very uncomfortably close to an endless stream of fast food restaurants doesn't really help at all. So how did this resolution come about? I was watching this documentary about what really goes on in the fast food business and that really freaked me out for a bit so I took the initiative to change my diet once and for all. I started off with eating once a day (dinner)  and then I realized how terrible that felt and now I'm stuck with having at least a  cup of yogurt and green tea with whatever I'm having. I'd say I'm progressing quite well so far. 

Work-Out More aka Lose Weight

This is insofar the best improvement I've seen so far! I am very proud to say that I have lost 7 KGs at the beginning of this year (Success!). Part of this resulted from drinking green tea whenever I could and having small meals and walking at least 10,000 steps everyday and also stretching too. The reason this is on the top 5 of my resolutions is because I've always had body image issues and I'm the type of girl that is fearful of gaining too much weight (Gee, thanks a lot media!). I was always surrounded by washboard skinny or thin girls with no curves so being the only one out of my friends who has curves sort of brings unwanted attentions to myself. One of the reasons why I prefer to wear baggy clothes or clothes that hide my figure. I do hope that I can reach my goal of losing 20KGs by the end of this year so i can be on my way to that almost perfect body that I've always dreamed of. 

Make an Effort in Dating/Meeting New People

Hahahahaha. This one is the funniest to me. Not a single stride has been made in this area. OK, fine, that doesn't mean that I didn't try at all, because trust me-I did. It's just... it's way too much effort that'll only end in either heartbreak or lack of communication. BUT, I can say that I have made new friends so far into 2014 and they are the funnest people I've ever hung out with. Suffice to say, on the meeting new people front, I'm doing pretty OK, but on the dating front, I really really suck. I don't know why I'm not even bothering to make any strides at all. Dating takes up way too much effort and I like being single because then I won't be able to receive any disgusting teddy bears from boyfriends. The effort I've made so far have come in the form of useless dating apps such as Tinder and OkCupid. All they have gotten me are lewd messages from guys who are too h*rny to control themselves. I have made new friends on those apps too but most of them are more eager to rush into a relationship rather than getting to know someone first. So hopefully by the end of the year I'll develop more interest in that field and actually try to make an effort so I don't end up being a 53 year old cougar who preys on young prepubescent boys. 

Travel More

In my whole life, I've had a dream- to travel around the world and see the world. Unfortunately instead of being born into the Royal family with an endless supply of cash, I was born into a middle class family full of love and caring. I'm joking but on a more serious note finance was never on our side so travelling wasn't a privilege that we were endowed with. And now that I am working, I have been travelling too. So far, I've been to Macau (a country that sounds like it should be in Africa and not Asia but what the heck!), Singapore, Brunei and Thailand. Countries I'd love to travel to are Mexico, Colombia, Brazil, Haiti, Jamaica, London, The UK, Wales, Scotland, Italy, Romania, Germany and many more! I've got plenty more on my list and hopefully that dream will come true soon :D 

Talk to my Mother more often

This is a part of my life that I haven't shared with anyone just yet but most of you don't know who I am so I feel more comfortable sharing this with you guys than saying this to someone who knows me well. Also the probability of you finding out who I am is very limited. The truth is... my parents are separated, have been for a very long time. But we, the kids, only recently found out (they were doing it to protect our interest or whatever). Anyway, 2 years ago, my mother ran away and left us, without any explanation whatsoever, and my brother who was staying with her was abandoned (my brother has Aspergers so he needs constant watching over) so since then I haven't talked to her. It's been 3 years now. I wouldn't mind talking to her but the woman is virtually unreachable. Nobody knows where she is or who she's with. All we get are rumors that she is somewhere. Anyway this resolution entails me to try to track her down and talk to her for the sake of my siblings. Hopefully we do find her soon.

Well ladies and gentlemen, that was it! I hope- as always- that this post didn't bore you to death and that you actually share this with your friends and also let me know what your top 5 new year resolutions are and how far along you've come with them. Feel free to leave comments or share your thoughts with me through the form right at the end of this page. All haters are welcome too! 

So until then, adios, bitchazz! 

It's Official: Part II

Hi there everyone! October 11th. Wow, I cannot believe it's officially been two years since I broke up with that good for nothing sonuvagun! Last year I wrote this article about how I've gotten over him and how I've moved on and found myself. Well this time, I'll be relaying what has happened so far since that post. One year has passed and I'm still single!  I don't know whether I should cry or laugh at this statement. Sometimes I try to speculate on what is wrong with me? Why haven't I gotten a boyfriend yet? I mean, for God's sake I'm gonna be 23 very soon and here I am, an aging moke who's void of commitment. Okay, fine, perhaps I would be lying if I said I've never gotten any courtship offers from guys. In fact, I have been asked to be somebody's boyfriend several times but because of my impossibly high standards (read this to find out more on my ludicrous standards) I end up rejecting them. 

Rebounds have never crossed my mind at all in this one year because I think that's the most terrible thing anyone can do to someone. I mean, playing with someone's feelings and stringing them along just to satisfy your selfish need for closure/revenge? That's just mean and frankly, cruel. The word "settling" has often disturbingly crossed my mind and there was a time when I nearly settled for someone. This happened a few months ago when I was on a night out and this guy peaked my interest. We exchanged numbers and basically saw each other and hung out whenever we had the chance. Throughout our close friendship I noticed several signs that told me he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I started to panic and completely changed my behavior towards him (No, I didn't kick him to the curb or bust the windows out his car) by being more distant and withdrawn. That didn't seem to quell his pursuit of me and when he finally asked me I told him I'd think about it. I spent a whole week avoiding his calls and ignoring him until I finally decided that I wouldn't find anything better and that I would have to settle for him. But when I met up with him I mentally changed my decision on the spot and decided NOT to settle because I valued myself too much and valued him too much to expose him to future heartaches that would be instigated by me.

Another reason why I haven't made an effort to date anyone is because I am not ready to trust a man yet. The most probable reason for this would be my experience with that ex of mine. The fact that I've been watching too much Lifetime movies about abused women in relationships who end up getting killed by their overly jealous boyfriends doesn't help. Neither does listening to Adele and Frank Ocean's songs (I'm still sure they've both been hurt by the same man). I feel like if i did get into a relationship, the guy would just eventually get bored of me and move on to someone better and then I'd be all unhappy again. In this respect, I've learned to love myself and being single because the key to learning to love someone is to love yourself first. That is something I'm doing right now, focusing on myself before actually jumping into a relationship. 

Updates on my ex, I heard he is married to this Austrian girl. I can't help but think that was way too fast! I mean it hurts to think that he got over me fast enough to get married already. Anyway, I wish him all the best in life and hope he found what was void in me in someone else. No hard feelings anymore. Another valuable lesson I've learned from this dating experience is that breaking up, being dumped or being betrayed by someone shouldn't affect you so much. Heck, if I spent the whole year thinking about every single thing he is doing, I would never be over him. Having a personal intervention is important too. This is where you seek sanctity in yourself by engaging in self-loving activities. Finding yourself and realizing that nobody in this world can dictate your value/self-worth will contribute to the betterment of your self esteem. Like I mentioned before, stop thinking of what could've been and whether the reason why he left you was because you did something wrong... Another thing you could do is to make use of your singlehood and ENJOY IT! And remember, take this single time to actually be all about YOU and not YOU and HIM. Don't worry, be happy. :) And also remember that: 

How [NOT] to ask a girl out- The T.O.A.S.T Way!

Hello readers! I hope you are all doing well. Today's post is all about LOVE. Well, not exactly. It's just another piece of wisdom from my personal love journal. The content of my love journal comes courtesy of my heart, soul and experience. This is to say that every tip and advice that is in this post has been experienced by me. As per the title, this post aims to once again, address the issues that we all face when it comes to the opposite (or same) gender. The target for this post is the male gender (sorry, ladies)! Now, guys, have you ever wondered why she never texted you back? Why she didn't respond to that text you wrote on her Facebook wall? Why can't even spare you a passing glance after you asked her out that one time (and got blown off)? Well, obviously it's because there's something you aren't doing right at all!

That is why I have come up with some tips that could help you overcome this issue of being rejected because let's face it, nobody likes being rejected. Makes you feel like shit. Unlike other blogs or advice columns that tell you how to ask a girl out, this post will tell you how not to ask a girl out. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to... T.O.A.S.T. No, I wasn't trying to spell toast- it's an acronym for the five tips that I have procured.

T: Texting

O: One Liners

A: At the Club

S: Social Networking

T: The Friend

Before I begin, I'd like to outline that these tips are not foolproof and hence, they do not work for everybody. This is just my way of trying to help you guys out and since I am a woman, I think it's better that I give a little insight into what the male gender are doing wrong when they are asking a girl out. Let's get on with it shall we? 

1. T for Texting

Issue: It is a well known fact that asking a girl out through a text message is the best way to do it because then you won't be a nervous wreck in front of her plus it saves her the horror of seeing you sweat (which grosses her out and causes her to reject you). WRONG. Asking a girl out through a meaningless, cheap 5 to 15 cent text message (even worse, imagine it  was rife with slang like this: H3y, Wanna go oUt wif meh?) is one of the worst ways to ask her out. It's also really creepy too. And weird. From my experience girls usually react to this manner of courtship with disgust. Most of the time they wonder why the guy couldn't just go up to them and ask them in person. Well, girls, sometimes you don't make it easy for them with your spellbinding attractiveness (trust me, our beauty intimidates guys a lot). The thing is, texting a girl shows that you are a coward, not brave enough to ask her out in person which isn't something you want her to think of you at all. The girl would also assume that you aren't even bothered to exert enough effort into seeing her in person.

Solution: Be a man and grow some balls. March up to her and ask her out like a MAN!  Girls actually like it when a guy asks them out because it feels more genuine and less artificial than texting her. Also it's more sincere and it shows her the effort (it may not seem so important to you but we girls tend to notice and acknowledge these little things) that you have put into seeing her. 

2. O for One Liners

Issue:  Not all girls find one liners/pickup lines "cute" or "adorable". Movie girls, sure, they love one liners. In fact, It's the best way to get into their pants, but real girls find them lame and idiotic. Usually, in order not to hurt your feelings, they would just laugh at them and slowly inch away from you. Besides, one liners should've been extinct by now (I'm surprised they're still in use!). Hey 2013, 1996 wants it's pick up lines back! What's worse than a one liner is one that was ripped off the internet so many times and altered by so many people. Guys, just don't okay. Just don't. Asking a girl out in the form of a one liner (Eg: If a country was named after you, it'd be called WillYouGoOutWithMe-nia) is terrible. It just makes you sound like a copy of George Clooney and that is a terrible thing. Once again, 1996 wants it's one liners back.

Solution: The only solution to this would be to erase every memory of any one liner. Also burn that book of one liners that you bought from a bookstore because that won't get you the girl. Instead of a one liner, a simple joke would be a great way to start things off without making yourself the subject of the joke.

3. A for At the Club

Issue:  I cannot begin to fathom why most guys think it's a good idea to ask a girl out, in a noisy-ass club filled with liquor and spirits with people gyrating around you. The whole environment of the club makes it the worst place to ask anybody out. I remember this one time I was with my friend at a club and this guy approaches her and asks her out. Over the extremely loud wailing of Pitbull, she misheard him and though he asked her if he could feel her up. She gave him the tightest slap (tighter than Chris Hemsworth's abs) and we left that place. That is one of the discrepancies and dangers of asking a girl out at a club and some others include, being misunderstood, impaired hearing and the highest possibility of being rejected. When a guy asks a girl out at a club, the chances are, that she is already drunk (or soon to be drunk) and will probably forget about you in the next 30 minutes upon introduction or that she is so into the music that she won't even realize that you are asking her out. Also picture this. You are about to ask her out when suddenly some drunk guy starts gyrating himself on her. How unromantic is that?

Solution:  Ask her out anywhere else BUT the club. Preferably somewhere quiet, private and more importantly devoid of people gyrating against one of you. Also the absence of wine and spirits is good too.

4. S for Social Networking

Issue:  Have you ever asked her out in the form of a comment on one of her photos or statuses? Have you ever posted "Will you go out with me?" ( or anything of a similar variant) on her wall/profile? Have you ever *GASP* tagged her in a lovey dovey photo asking her out? Then you, my friend must've been rejected plenty of times. The social network is too public to ask a girl out. The girl might actually feel obliged to say yes to save you the embarrassment of your request going unanswered. In fact, she might be a little angry that you would ask her in such a manner. Once again, this shows a lack of effort in actually bothering to ask her out. Worse, still, she might just UN-friend and block you. The social network is a veil upon which people tend to hide behind for fear of being REJECTED (the dreaded R-word). Most guys think this is a good way to ask girls out but it just pisses them off.

Solution:  See No.2

5. T for The Friend

Issue:  Personally, this method really pisses me off. The girls I've interviewed also reacted the same way when I asked them how they would react if a guy asked their close friend to ask you out for them. Most of them confessed that it was a huge turn off. Most of them felt like they were in high school again when you were passing gum along from one person to another. A large percentage felt that it wasn't as private as it should've been and that it felt strange wimpy. Guys, even if a gun was being forced onto your forehead, DO NOT... EV-ER ask her friend to ask her out on your behalf. it's just so... wimpy. And it just automatically reduces the last remaining manhood you have. The main issue here is that she might think you aren't taking her seriously enough to ask her yourself instead of sending someone on your own errand. And she'll feel like you were too lazy to tell her yourself. (Girls, remember, don't shoot the messenger, shoot the sender).

Solution:  Guys, just ask her out already! I mean, come on! I know that she may seem intimidating but trust me, when you ask her out yourself, she will have some new found respect for you and would appreciate the gusto that you put into asking her out. Personal engagement is also another way of flattering her, by telling her that you respect her enough to come face to face with her and meet her. Bravo, champion.

Good Luck, Amigos!

Life Cycle of a University Student

Hello readers! I know it has been a while since I've posted anything for that matter but This time, I come prepared. I hope you noticed the photo above because it's a reflection of what I will be writing today. This photo is courtesy of a university webpage which I will not mention and it stars a stereotypical representation of some ethnic groups in order to make university seem like a cultural experience whereby everywhere you go, you will see a lot of students of different ethnicity traipsing around making light conversation. Today's post is pretty much related to my life and is an illustration of the 4 years that I have endured (and suffered) in university. Now, just because this was written by me doesn't mean that it will necessarily reflect what you all have or will be going through  in college/university. It's just a basic post to share what I felt and to see whether you all relate to this story at all. Unlike all those other blogs or advice columns sugarcoating the real college experience, I intend to tell it as it is with limited sugarcoating and glittering generalities. Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge that my university has three academic years and that each academic year won't be broken down into several excruciating detail- instead I will talk about it in general to spare you the useless details.Now, there are four stages, each for the 4 years and those are (in this order); Anticipation, Excitement, Fatigue/Post Anticipation and Surrender/Loss of Interest.

** Note: Also as i write this post, i am visibly gloating at all the first year students simply because I am a cruel and vindictive wench and mostly because I've graduated and they still have a long way to go.

1. Anticipation Stage

This is the preliminary stage in anybody's university experience.This is the very first time you feel extremely excited to start a new chapter in your life. All those years of watching 90210, Saved by the Bell ,21 Jumpstreet and any stereotypically misleading TV series/movies have finally paid off and have prepared you to face the magical world of University (or college as it is commonly referred to in the USA). Some people even consort to making personal vows to be a much cooler/better person in university than they were in high school. It is at this stage that you outline your university goals and aspirations and also whereby you create a very unrealistic set of criteria that people would have to meet in order to qualify to be your friend. This was exactly how I pictured university, a place where dreams can come true and where true love can finally be found. Thanks a lot Hallmark! You totally helped me realize my hopes and dreams and college aspirations as well. Stupid. So then your first month basically involves cruising here and there trying to take everything in and indulging in this wonderland full of people who don't even have time to chill with you and don't seem interested in being friends with you. For that whole month, you end up hanging out with a girl you either met during orientation week or is a classmate of yours. Oh, and remember that list of criteria you made at the beginning? You kinda f***ed that off. The main reason why this stage is known as anticipation stage is because a lot of people are actually anticipating the college/university life. Hey, remember all that binge drinking and house parties advertised on TV as included in the whole university package? Well that's another lie because the only pong you'll be playing is "book pong". Also a certan culture shock will happen here (but this depends on where you actually went to college and whether it was really that different from your place of origin). This stage usually lasts 6 months to a year (2 semesters) until it finally wears off and gives way to the second stage which is...

2. Excitement Stage aka Pre-Bragging stage

During this stage, you would've already surpassed the foundation stage (this usually occurs during your first year of University). The reason why this is the excitement stage is because newer and hotter students start to pile in and your extremely small circle of friends start to expand and ultimately you have so many friends that you even forget their names. This is the stage whereby you've ditched all those boring and compulsory foundation courses and opted for courses which you can choose... all on your own... without the university being responsible for it.

Also here is where you usually decide what you would like to major in and which boy/girl would be the victim of your stalking from now until you graduate. This person of interest is usually someone you either ignored during the first stage or found cute and then after seeing them a lot, disregarded that. Feelings that you will experience during this stage are what's left of the preliminary anticipation, excitement, love-drunkenness** and periodical happiness. Another name for this stage would be the Pre- Bragging stage and this is because this is the stage where you start bragging to those below you (that would be the juniors) about how you've made it so far and how your GPA is rising higher than Mount Everest or sinking lower than the Dead Sea. In actual fact, most students (usually weak minded juniors) end up withdrawing from their respective universities  and carting themselves off to a more prestigious university whereby their oil rig owning father's status has some influence on their university social status. GENIUS! Peer pressure is another common thing faced here as you would begin to realize that everyone belongs to a clique (to find out which cliques you belong to, >>>CLICK HERE<<<) and that you need to get into a clique or risk ending up a loner! In this stage, you don't just stick to one clique but end up trying to decide which ones really suit your image.After brainwashing you with all that, let's move on to stage 3,


3. Fatigue/Post Anticipation 

Remember what I said about the whole GPA rising thing in the second stage? Well in this stage you can strike that out because your GPA starts dropping lower than Beyonce on a strip pole. Which won't be so surprising considering you would've decided to join into some Student Council or Debate club or anything equally boring. If so, why would you join them? Because this is the stage when you realize the value of extracurricular activities, Star Points and certificates. Basically all the aforementioned help increase your chances of getting great jobs/internships or escaping while you still can from the institution.Then there's still the issue of getting a real life, good 'ol college boyfriend/girlfriend, YEE HAW! Which is also very hard (that's what she said!) considering the new intakes are much younger than you and dating one of them would probably categorize you in the potential cougar category. The most important thing that could ever happen in this stage is that you start being really serious and motivated about your studies in an attempt to raise your GPA higher than Wiz Khalifa. Dating has been shunned and socializing has been kept to a minimum. The primary feelings that you will experience in this stage is post anticipation and fatigue. Without sounding like a remake of  your friendly neighborhood doctor, post anticipation is caused by high levels of residual anticipatory behavior that had been abandoned by the second stage. Meanwhile, fatigue is caused by the amount of work that you would have to undergo plus the effort that you would have to go through to increase your GPA. Now that I have clouded your mind with useless jargon, glittering vocabulary and polished shenanigans, we shall move on to the final stage in a university/college student's life which is...


4. Surrender/Loss of Interest

Yeap, exactly like the ending to X-Men: The Last Stand. The most important thing about this stage is that it is the final stage before feeling the blast of freedom beyond the crippling and prison-like demeanor of university/college. This stage usually happens during the final year of a typical undergraduate's 4 year university tenure. There are a number of  reasons why you have feelings of surrendering and the main ones are:-

• You are fed up of seeing the same classmates again , 
• Tired of having the same teachers teach you different subjects (including the ones you hated during your first three years and gave them a terrible evaluation and thus awkwardly have to see them again), 
• You are constantly being reminded that you are a single old fart who will graduate without a boyfriend/girlfriend and is most likely going to die alone, 
• You hate the food (the food starts to taste like sandpaper and you spend your days contributing to your body fat by ingesting McDonalds and Pizza and any fast food)
• You're tired of the repetitive assignments (and due to this you start to recycle other assignments from other classes with a few alterations here and there)
• You're this close to flinging your fancy schmancy smartphone at the wall if it ever wakes you up at 7am.

Quite frankly,  that's a longer list than I expected to write but I'll let you find out the rest for yourself. Feelings of losing interest usually accompany each and every one of the aforementioned. Nothing is more interesting to you than finishing everything and getting the hell out of university already. Trust me, after a while, you will sit down and contemplate on everything you miss about the place (even the half assed, Meanie McMean head of Department you despise + that uptight midget Statistics lecturer who hates you for no reason).

Girls and Guys, this post is only a mini rendition of what I went though during my 4 years of college.university and hopefully some of you can relate to that (Don't judge me Ok!) and I wish you all the best if you are still in university (ha di ha ha) or planning to start university (ha di ha ha twice) or have graduated (hot damn! Welcome to the club, foo!). From your friendly neighborhood Sass Mistress, xoxo.

Before I actually leave, I would like to give you a pictorial idea of how you would end up looking like before and after 4 years of college/university.

Trust me: The Owl Knows Best.

xx

Could it Be..? Yes, It Could. Something's Coming, Something Good.

Hello bloggers, readers, minions and wonderful people! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, (I know I did). The title of this post is very much the lyrics off the original Broadway production of  West Side Story remade by Darren Criss  titled, Something's Coming. It is a marvelous song and I solemnly believe that everyone should give it a listen. Admittedly i was never really into Broadway until I watched Annie. Then the Domino effect took place and I moved on to Wicked, then it became all about Mamma Mia and Grease.

Anyway this post isn't all about musicals but instead focuses on something amazing that has been brewing within my cauldron of dating recently. I do not want to jinx anything just yet but I do want to highlight something. Dating or Courtship (to the medieval minded). As a strong and sophisticated woman of race, I have paid my dues when it comes to dating. I have dated the worst, the best and the plain weird. Let me tell you about the weirdest date I had ever been on. It was with this guy named Phil, from Germany and we sort of met through an online social networking site. We chatted for a week before he asked me out for drinks. Being the classic moron, I agreed without Googling him first and we ended up having dinner at this really wonderful place. The date started out fine and then he tested my patience by smoking a fag. I ignored that gesture and resumed putting on my cheerful demeanor. The deal was eventually broken when he excused himself too many times to the bathroom (15 times to be exact). After ever five minutes of our conversation he bolted off to the bathroom and spent 5 minutes with his crystal meth (I mean what else could he have been doing in there periodically?). I was so annoyed by the date that I didnt order any food and went home hungry. Phil is now on my blacklist.

Not all my dates were terrible at all. I had the best date of my life during my "ex" era. As far as I can remember (I conditioned my brain to eliminate any traces of that asshole from my pure and innocent mind), he took me out to watch a movie- the movie was I am number 4 and it was so boring, I slept in the cinema like a vegetable- and then later we had some very unhealthy dinner at a pizza parlor which ended in the seal of a kiss. That was also the week in which he was convinced he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend (boy, was his dick chatty). Months later I did the right thing and dumped his ass. Anyway that's another story for another time. So admittedly, that date was a great one...

...Until the one I recently had with this French (Ooh la la) guy named Jack**. To sum it up it was so simple and so amazing that I actually did the unthinkable and agreed to another hangout. The thing about Jack is that he is the sweetest guy I have ever met so far in my life and he exemplifies everything that I have ever wanted in a guy: humor, looks and personality. His humor is just amazing! I easily laugh at his jokes and he laughs at mine. We insult each others' race without feeling offended , we poke fun at our insecurities without going too far and the best (and most essential part ) is that HE UNDERSTANDS MY SARCASM! I'll be damned! its so rare to find a guy who truly understands sarcasm at all. He was just a cherry in the wild thorn-berries. In terms of looks, personally I'm not the type to focus too much on a person's looks (EXHIBIT A: My ex). I live by the philosophy that a guy's looks will appeal to me when his personality and humor appeals to me. and this applies to Jack. Maybe to some he might not pass off as handsome but to me, he is indeed good looking to me. His personality definitely matches mine and is amazing too.

So far, we have hung out four times- two of those with friends- and we have been alone twice (once I actually hung out with him for the whole day). They were very wonderful indeed and each time, I want to hang out with him even more. Is this a crush developing? Or some pretty bad misconceptions? Whatever it is, It's really doing me in. I think about him all the time and I wait anxiously to see whether he texts or not. Our text messages are rife with inside jokes and humor and some flirting here and there but then again it doesn't give anything away; I'm not sure whether he likes me or not.

I could always do the unthinkable and *GASP* ask! But then again there's the risk of rejection. (Honestly, I know that the chances of him liking me back is really high because he hasnt exactly hidden it at all, but then again, chances are just that.... chances). Honestly right now, I've been having pleasant dreams when he would ask me to be his girlfriend and then we would have a happy relationship (hopefully). But from the way things are going, this might take a long while to come by.  Chances are, that he and I will definitely have a "connection" and things will work out for us in the end. So ultimately, its is safe to say that, this might end up well or badly- it is after all still my very own fairytale in which I am in command of. ;)

Dating might not be for anybody, and just because you have been unlucky doesnt mean that you can't always try dating again and again. Its a repeat process that needs time and patience. One should NEVER set ridiculously high expectations on a date and they definitely shouldn't anticipate more than they can handle. So amidst whatever useless advice I'd given you, I'm sure there is some useful rambling you can extract too. :) For me, it's confusion all the way...

 **Names have been protected for the purpose of not jinxing anything yet.

Of Men and D*cks

Picture this scenario. One fine day you open your Facebook account and voila you get a not so anonymous inbox from this too cute to be true guy. In a state of shock and bewilderment,u freeze for a few seconds before responding and then it transforms into weeks of Skype-ing, Kik-ing, Whatsapp-ing and other forms of communication. Everything goes perfectly fine until he ruins the whole situation by suddenly bringing the focus of the conversation to his d*ck and its qualities and special name (trust me, some pervs actually name their wood). This is what boggles me about some men: Why in the world must the conversation always be brought back to how impressive or big your d*ck is? I know this is hard to believe, but not all women are interested in those petty details. We responded to your inbox because we want to know more about YOU not your best friend Willy! 

I mean, you dont hear us diverting the conversation back to the size of our boobs or the weight and fullness of them. Good Morning readers! Today's blogpost is inspired by a very recent conversation i had with an anonymous reader of mine. He came across my blog and had a lot of questions regarding my previous post titled Sh*t boys do before asking a girl out so he emailed me with the email i provided in my biography box and suddenly it became a daily thing. So admittedly we had been chatting for almost two weeks now and from asking for dating advice it became questions related to the size and length of his d*ck. Being a smart girl, I was immune to this disgusting convo and immediately categorized him under my SPAM (happily knowing that his message will definitely be deleted in 10 days if I dont read it). That boys is a definite conversation killer. 

If you think that by selling your 'goods' to a girl you like is going to get you a date with her, then you are most probably wrong. 'Goods' have expiry dates, so remember not all girls respond positively to such requests. Asking a girl if she wants to know how big your wood is and then answering your own question before she answered it will cost you a ticket to Loserville together with a lifetime pass at embarrassment. Guys, before you actually think of doing some PR for your p*nis, imagine talking to her in person and you suddenly whipping out your d*ck! Trust me, that situation is horrible. So in future, its not all about your d*ck guys, she likes you for your personality. Period. Have a nice day doowops! 

Easy Steps to being my Boyfriend (Lucky, lucky)

Good day fellow Bloggians! Indeed i have been on hiatus as expected but then I come with good news so don't sacrifice me to Kali alright? In the months that I have been missing...(Whoops!), a countless number of things have happened to me and those around me. I noticed some very disturbing things about my life. Firstly, that for the 3 years that i have been studying in my course, I am still not satisfied with it. I mean, my original line of study was Fashion Designing just so that i could walk in the same wavelength as the likes of Marc Jacobs, Zac Posen, John Galliano, Anna Sui and etc. Too bad Dad thought it was an "unreliable" line of study and decided to place me in some university i never heard good things about. Until today I regret not secretly signing up for  Elite Fashion Academy or the Parsons School of Design and then hopefully being accepted so that my dad would have no choice but to let me study there.

The second thing that I find especially disturbing is that  I'm still single. What the heck is this? What's fucking wrong with me? Could it be that I'm not up to the Attractiveness Standards of some men? Or could it be that I myself have set some impossibly high standards for the men.

O.O

Well, my criteria for what i want in a guy are so simple to accomplish. Its not like I require a guy to get me a magical unicorn that was sent down by Zeus and fulfills my every worldly wishes... *quickly scratches that off he list*. Hey! But if that was possible why not? ~_~ Ultimately what I want in a guy is:

1. He can be of any race (except certain races which i shall not mention for fear of being branded a racist towards that specific race)- but preferably European (Hispanic <3) or Australian.
2. He doesn't have to be too well off but well enough to support us.
3. He must have a viewable face.
4. He MUST NOT be shorter than me. Special cases where he is allowed to be the same height as me is when he is so impossibly gorgeous that my brain immediately overlooks his height.  
5. He has to tolerate me.
6. He MUST buy me an eagle as the dowry for our marriage PLUS the money. (Special Cases where he cant find an eagle and gets me an Owl instead.)

And this here is a deal breaker...

    7. He HAS to have a sense of HUMOR (You know, the feeling where he has to laugh?)

Yes, and that's my amazing list of things i want in a guy. Not so hard to accomplish right? Jeez, Jenny, you might as well die old and wrinkled... STFU, you damn conscience! :) So at the end of the day hats what's been disturbing me. And to make matters worse, i feel like the second issue has been slapping itself on my face.  95 percent of my buddies have boyfriends. Out of that 95%, 70% are engaged, 20% are married and the 5% are unsure....possibly confused. I swear to God, if a guy with all these qualities accidentally tripped in front of me (and he looked like Sean Faris/Armando Torrea/Cam Gigandet/ Corey Sevier/ Ricardo Medina Jr/ That guy from White Collar/ Any hot guy) i would definitely catch him!

So note to self: Jenny STOP HAVING SUCK A FUCKED UP LIST OF EXPECTATIONS IN A GUY! ;-D

Until then, En Garde people! 

xoxo