It's Official: Part II

Hi there everyone! October 11th. Wow, I cannot believe it's officially been two years since I broke up with that good for nothing sonuvagun! Last year I wrote this article about how I've gotten over him and how I've moved on and found myself. Well this time, I'll be relaying what has happened so far since that post. One year has passed and I'm still single!  I don't know whether I should cry or laugh at this statement. Sometimes I try to speculate on what is wrong with me? Why haven't I gotten a boyfriend yet? I mean, for God's sake I'm gonna be 23 very soon and here I am, an aging moke who's void of commitment. Okay, fine, perhaps I would be lying if I said I've never gotten any courtship offers from guys. In fact, I have been asked to be somebody's boyfriend several times but because of my impossibly high standards (read this to find out more on my ludicrous standards) I end up rejecting them. 

Rebounds have never crossed my mind at all in this one year because I think that's the most terrible thing anyone can do to someone. I mean, playing with someone's feelings and stringing them along just to satisfy your selfish need for closure/revenge? That's just mean and frankly, cruel. The word "settling" has often disturbingly crossed my mind and there was a time when I nearly settled for someone. This happened a few months ago when I was on a night out and this guy peaked my interest. We exchanged numbers and basically saw each other and hung out whenever we had the chance. Throughout our close friendship I noticed several signs that told me he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I started to panic and completely changed my behavior towards him (No, I didn't kick him to the curb or bust the windows out his car) by being more distant and withdrawn. That didn't seem to quell his pursuit of me and when he finally asked me I told him I'd think about it. I spent a whole week avoiding his calls and ignoring him until I finally decided that I wouldn't find anything better and that I would have to settle for him. But when I met up with him I mentally changed my decision on the spot and decided NOT to settle because I valued myself too much and valued him too much to expose him to future heartaches that would be instigated by me.

Another reason why I haven't made an effort to date anyone is because I am not ready to trust a man yet. The most probable reason for this would be my experience with that ex of mine. The fact that I've been watching too much Lifetime movies about abused women in relationships who end up getting killed by their overly jealous boyfriends doesn't help. Neither does listening to Adele and Frank Ocean's songs (I'm still sure they've both been hurt by the same man). I feel like if i did get into a relationship, the guy would just eventually get bored of me and move on to someone better and then I'd be all unhappy again. In this respect, I've learned to love myself and being single because the key to learning to love someone is to love yourself first. That is something I'm doing right now, focusing on myself before actually jumping into a relationship. 

Updates on my ex, I heard he is married to this Austrian girl. I can't help but think that was way too fast! I mean it hurts to think that he got over me fast enough to get married already. Anyway, I wish him all the best in life and hope he found what was void in me in someone else. No hard feelings anymore. Another valuable lesson I've learned from this dating experience is that breaking up, being dumped or being betrayed by someone shouldn't affect you so much. Heck, if I spent the whole year thinking about every single thing he is doing, I would never be over him. Having a personal intervention is important too. This is where you seek sanctity in yourself by engaging in self-loving activities. Finding yourself and realizing that nobody in this world can dictate your value/self-worth will contribute to the betterment of your self esteem. Like I mentioned before, stop thinking of what could've been and whether the reason why he left you was because you did something wrong... Another thing you could do is to make use of your singlehood and ENJOY IT! And remember, take this single time to actually be all about YOU and not YOU and HIM. Don't worry, be happy. :) And also remember that: 

It's Official

 Hello readers. As the title suggests, its official. What's official? October 11 is official. It is now one year since my last breakup (damn, I really lasted that long!). Which means it has officially been 1 year of battling inevitable insecurities, inevitable heartbreaks, unsuccessful dates, annoying stalkers and finally getting over that son of a good woman. I am proud of myself. Why? Because if I was a very cruel person, I would've immediately looked for a rebound relationship and then I'd be in deeper shit than I am now. I mean, I have gotten offers from men and some awkward love confessions too (demanding emails and even marriage proposals ensued) and I could've settled for them if I wanted to but I stood my ground and waited until I find someone who is worthy of me and my time. Ok fine, honestly, its because they want to just be with me with the hopes of getting sex out of it- i don't do such relationships by the way- or they just weren't up to my standards (every girl must have standards for a guy, I mean, you do not want to end up dating a freak do you? Hint taken then).

Until recently, all I've had were harmless crushes that literally went nowhere and usually ended with them either suddenly disappearing, or me losing interest. Like recently, I expressed interest in a group of these foreign exchange students. It might sound like an exaggeration, but seriously they were like the saviors of my eyes...To simply put it, they were beautiful. The moment they pass in front of me, they immediately fill my thoughts with impure scenarios (I'm joking!.. or am I?). But since I never see them again, I begin to wonder if they are even worth admiring anymore. Although I knew where they lived (as creepy as that sounds), they were like an oasis in the desert; one moment they were there and the next, they had disappeared. So I decided to  divert my attention away from them and am now focusing on the super cute part-time student waiter at our local sandwich bar. All I got so far from my sleuthing is his name. So far. (His name starts with a  "K" so in future references, I shall call him "Kellan"...or "Kyle".. yeah he looks like a "Kyle" rather than a "Kellan") But in time I know that i will get more than just his name. who knows? :P

So the lesson that I have learned from this one year dating hiatus is that, breakups are never easy. they will always be hard and they get harder especially when you are in the most uncomfortable situation where you're unfortunate enough to see your ex-boyfriend every single day. That is the absolute worst but the one thing you can do to combat this is to distract yourself. Find temporary crushes or even better, be with your friends more! Stop thinking of what could've been and whether the reason why he left you was because you did something wrong... Another thing you could do is to make use of your singlehood and ENJOY IT! We know that later in life you most probably wont be single so you wont have time for yourself. take this time to actually be all about YOU and not YOU and HIM. Don't worry, be happy. :) Before I end this post, here is some advice for you. :)