Friday, August 24, 2012

Sh*t Guys do Before Asking a Girl Out

So there's this girl in your class and you see each other everyday and even talk to each other on a daily basis and sometimes she's the main character of your wet dreams boys, but you still go numb and stutter like a typewriter when it comes to asking her out. What the fuck is the problem? You like her, you're within stalking distance of her... go for it! The mistake that some guys make when trying to ask a girl out is by approaching her at a really bad time and expecting her to give a positive answer and instead get slapped in the face with an immediate rejection. Or another mistake they make is they WAIT UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT. Uh... did Christopher Columbus fucking wait until it was "the right time" to discover America? Or did Andres Iniesta wait until the game was over to score the winning goal for Spain in the World Cup? (Yes, I do know something about football...) NO! You know what? Let me list down all the mistakes made by men/boys when it comes to asking a girl out. 

A very common mistake made by guys before asking a girls out is that they tend to assume her relationship status instead of doing the sensible thing and uh.. investigating! The most common assumption is that because "she is too beautiful to be true she must have a boyfriend", or that "she's too pretty to be with a guy like me". Just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean that she should automatically have a boyfriend (unless this is some new trend I dont know about hm...). She could be all hot and shit but she's single and ready to mingle! So before assuming that she has a hunky, Chris Hemsworth type boyfriend (oh swoon...), do the most sensible thing and investigate! Ask her friends and all that and get what you're looking for! Likewise dont assume she would never go for a guy like you; she might have a queer liking for guys like you or you might even be her type so stop acting like Alvin the Chipmunk on Advil. 

If there was a penny for the number of guys who wait for a girl to make the first move or wait for the right time, I would be a fu**king millionaire! Too many guys fall into this category and the statistics show that these guys are f*king idiots for doing so! I mean, seriously? If you wait for her, its like waiting for the next Halley's Comet to pass by. And most people dont know this but according to a research conducted by yours truly involving her very willing friends and colleagues, the attractiveness of the one you crush on has a scale. the longer you wait for her, the less attractive she becomes and the more likely your interest in her will waver and diffuse onto someone else (usually someone better looking). 

"Uh.. hey [insert name of love interest here]... Uh, I think you're really pretty... and so gorgeous. You have really nice hair and really pretty lips... would you, like to go out with me sometime?" This line will be rewarded with a large IGNORE sign and the privilege of being number 1 on her list of people to avoid

"Hey babes... I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are. Your lips make Angelina Jolie's look like a man's, your eyes remind me of [insert compliment here], your body has more curves that a crinkle cut fry, your sexiness...[continues with more compliments]" You wouldn't be better off with this line either. This would get you a one way ticket to I DONT KNOW YOU town which is right next to LOSERVILLE. These two lines are just a pea in a pod of lines which are referred to (in my terms) as word raping. Its like raping her with your words and then subconsciously forcing her to agree to go out with you to repay your favor. She feels like you're attacking her with your lips, like you're raping her with your compliments. Many guys tend to do this not realizing that you come off sounding fake and that you just seem like a player. 

[Word Raping: (noun) The act of bombarding someone with an Everest of compliments and making them feel obliged to reciprocate your "kind words" in any way.] 

And the worst and perhaps the deadliest mistake any and all guys usually make is....

This is when a guy immediately confirms that just because the girl of his interest has glanced at him on several occasions, she (OMG) likes him! Dude, calm your balls. She could've glanced at you for just that reason- its a freaking glance and probably doesn't mean anything at all! Or maybe she spotted something utterly disgusting on your face and keeps glancing to check if you have noticed and are making any effort to get rid of it. There's a difference between a glance and a stare- Google it. Because of this most guys tend to rush into it and ask a girl out without even confirming that she likes him back.

So readers those are the top four common mistakes that most guys tend to make when asking a girl out. Physically. In the eve of next week, i will post a similar post but it will be related to online dating. Stay tuned and don't f*k around!



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