"You got PUNK'D!" said The Mayans

Hello readers. 

Yeap, as the title suggests, the whole world got punk'd by people who have been dead for centuries.Oh, humans when will you ever learn? The world has NOT ended on the 21st of December and yes we are indeed still breathing. The earth hasn't been swallowed into nothing and molten lava encased asteroids have not plummeted towards earth rendering everyone dead. People did not run around screaming "Ahhhh! The apocalypse has comeeee!" nor did they start killing the members of their families to spare them the misfortune of going through the end of the world. You wanna know what happened instead?

People were still going around working, debt collectors were still collecting debt, banks were demanding credit card bills off its customers, One Direction were still continuing to make my ears bleed with their premature cat wailing (also known as their singing), Wiz Khalifa was still buying and smoking weed so long as he's young and wild and free and the Obamas were finalising their Christmas lists. The world did not in fact end, because if the world really did end, i wouldn't be here writing this post and you wouldn't see this at all. 

Admittedly, this whole drama about the end of the world is seriously overrated, especially when the only indication was the (unfinished) Mayan calendar that ended at 21 December 2012. Further investigation would entail that the (very) possible reasons for the calendar ending on this specific date at this specific time was:

1. They ran out of parchment (or spaces in the rocks) to write on and hence they had no choice but to stop at the 21st of December 2012,
2. They ran outta Ink. Period,
3. They lost interest, 
4. They wanted to PUNK us (and boy did they succeed)

Gee, thank GOD I wasn't one of those people who actually built bomb-proof bunkers under their houses to sustain themselves from ending with the world. I'll bet they're feeling pretty stupid right now eh? Yes, in case you haven't heard, there were some rich ass families that spent millions on very comfortable underground bunkers in preparation for the end of the world. Clearly they need to find a better way to spend their money (hint: AFRICA and other third world countries...)

So It is safe to say that in the end, the world did not end, I'm still alive (Thank God), you are all alive, the people I care about are alive and I can finally live to tell my children the story of how I survived the end of the world.

 Now that's what I call:

  

Well Played Kali, Well Played ...

Failure: That Red Eyed Monster

Hello readers! I know it seems like this is going to be another entertaining and fun post but judging from the per-mentioned title, its not. This post will re-count everything that I have failed at in the past few years. Like the common plebeian individual, I have failed at a numerous number of things starting from childbirth and ending at where I am right now-seated at a crappy computer at my college PC room and tapping away at the noisy keyboards (cringe!). Since childbirth I have failed to be pretty enough for society to accept me. I have failed to properly pronounce my vowels and sentences (but that was successfully broken at the age of 4), I have failed to maintain my personal hygiene (another obstacle that was successfully broken at the age of 13 ) and I have failed to listen to my parents when I wanted to do what I wanted to do (to say the least I was that one child in every family who was already predestined for Hell).

Today, of all days, I realized what a failure I am. That I had failed at so much but hadn't bothered to acknowledge those failures. Now I totally know how Kevin Federline felt when he had to buy his own CDs. The peak of failure has indeed been reached.This feeling of being a failure was all caused by my mid-semester exam results for one of my subjects where I failed. And the worst part, all I needed was one more point to score.Sadly, no matter how much I tried to reason with my distinguished teacher, she refused. Now that I think about it, I wasn't doing much to elevate the image of black people by begging to her. Anyway, at this point (as I type this morose sounding paragraph), I realized that I had not only failed that exam but I had also failed at achieving what I wanted to achieve in life insofar.

I had a well thought out plan on what I wanted to achieve before I turned 25 and most of those were pathetic sounding now, but they were solid gold back then. The first thing that was on my list was to become a world class fashion designer who was close enough to all the celebrities that I could invent nicknames for each of them (eg. Britney Spears- BriBri, Gaspard Ulliel- Gaz, Ian Somerhalder- Somoooo, and etc.). I really had it all worked out for e and in order to prepare for that, I started drawing dresses and coming up with fashion lines and potential names for them too. Then my dad decides to send me to this run down mill of a university that did not offer a single course on fashion. So that plan was shattered.. [INSERT: I wonder what happened to my book of designs? Last I heard, they were back in my country rotting away and sometimes being used as toilet paper substitute]

Then I had a dream of having the best boyfriend in the world who would always be there for me and support me through everything and etc. I was so close to having that until distance became an issue and then I had to settle for a Balkan Hulk instead- which didn't work out great either. In the end, as I sit here typing, I am currently boyfriend-less with so much non-platonic love to give but no one to give it to. I mean I wouldn't say that I am lonely... (...or am I?) Bullshit. So evidently, when I got back my result for that damned subject today I realized these things and it made me almost want to end my life. (I seriously told my friend that i was considering putting a bullet through my medulla oblongata and thus, ending it all). Then I realized, this is a chance for me to prove that even though I failed the mid term exams, I could definitely scrape through with a great grade for my finals. It didn't mean that the world is over for me, It just means that a challenge has presented its behind to me and I was gonna kick it to oblivion.

The Moral lesson kids is that; when faced with failure, immediately go to your local drugstore, purchase a capsule of250 sleeping pills, go back home. swallow them all and I'll see you in the afterlife. KIDDING** But seriously, Calm the fuck down and think about the many things that you have succeeded in instead of the shit you have screwed up. That should make you think twice about visiting the pharmacy for non medical reasons. Remember: Your failures in life do not define you.

Until then, my well of wisdom is drying up so read everything with care and take care.

xx Jenny. 

**PS: I shall not be responsible for any moron who takes this advice seriously and ends up pulling their own plug on their lives. My intention is to crack some ribs with humor; not kill you.

Mobile Blogging: Because I Can

Hello readers! As mentioned before, I would love to take my blogging more seriously and that would mean regularly updating it. Seemed like a challenge when it came to that, I but Blogger had finally allowed those living away from certain geographical areas to engage in mobile Blogging.

It's simple, quick, and I can upload photos and critical posts on the spot. How amazing is that? Expect more silly posts and disturbing images from the Sass Mistress.. Await my next blog post, coming soon which will talk about interracial dating and French men..

Au Revoir, ma petits!

Skyfall: Disaster or Delicious?

Hello readers! Today's post is my full fledged, no holds attack.. ahem.. I mean, criticism of the new Bond movie Skyfall which was recently released. To be honest, I lost interest in the Bond movie franchise ever since it was taken over by the ever so wrinkled and sperm-dried Daniel Craig. It lost all appeal and sexy suddenly became old, blond and wrinkled. Fine, I have to admit that for his age his body is just delectable and surprisingly fit, but that doesn't make up for the lack of tact and suaveness required of James Bond. In all honesty he just killed the role and movie. Unlike the first two movies, Skyfall is bludgeoned with more stupid movie cliches than necessary. For instance when the bad guy was caught at the beginning and they were all like "Finally, we copped his ass!". Little did they know that getting caught was part of his stereotypically sick agenda.

Of all the bond girls I actually liked Olga Kurylenko. She was by far the best and sexiest bond girl in the Daniel Craig series. Naomie Harris on the other end always looks like she just came from smoking a cliff while offering her allegiance to Jay-Z. There's just something about her lazy eyes and drunk expression that puts me off. When I watched the movie and then saw this Bond girl, I wanted to regurgitate all the carbon dioxide in the air because it was like Transformers 3 all over again; when they recasted the  leading lady with Rosie Huntington-Whitely who- when compared to the plastic enhanced Megan Fox- resembled last night's leftovers.Oh Olga Kurylenko, please return to being the Bond Girl. :( 

To sum up this pointless review, The movie lacked novelty, the main character lacked fitter abs (his "abs" looked like the salmon I had last night), I was still confused on how the inclusion of Javier Bardem as the villain helped enhance the shit that was the movie and yeah, it was terrible. Frankly speaking, the best thing about the movie was the song, Skyfall by Adele. It is simply amazing and very harmonious. I love it so much.

To read more useless reviews (quite like mine) you may click on these links to read them:

• Here and
• This One

If you want to hear something that is worth your time and will actually save your hearing here you go (click on the link to listen):

Skyfall by Adele (iTunes)

Skyfall by Adele (for the cheapskates- FREE DOWNLOAD)

Once again, this is simply a review of WHAT I THINK of the movie. Don't be a moron and take it seriously. You may watch the movie (at your own risk) and procure your own opinion. 

PS: An opinion means I can say whatever I want. If you hate it, suck on it. If you disagree, go smoke a tree.

According to Me: Top 10 British Women I Adore

Hello readers and a happy Halloween to you all! I was going to post an entry on my Halloween throughout the past year but then I decided to accumulate enough Halloween experience this week and then write the article :) So in actual fact this post is all about this new series that I want to start titled, "According to Me...". This new segment basically introduces the top ten things, people, movies, shows and etc. that I find worthy of notice. To start of this new segment I would like to (sorry girls) draw all the attention of the men around the world from those typical American celebrities and get them to instead focus on these 10 amazing British ladies. According to me, these are the top 10 British ladies that I find most charming.

10.   Emma Watson

From the cute and adorable Hermione Granger to the lovely and delectable Emma Watson herself, this beautiful 22 year old is just amazing in her own words. Aside from the rumors of her death (How cruel of someone to spread something like that), Emma has successfully steered herself away from any controversies that have thrown her off the monstrous spotlight called Hollywood. What makes her my number ten British gentile that I adore is simply because she is a private person and hasn't been in any image shattering rut recently or ever. And she is also daring- she was daring enough to go where no 22 year old celebrity has gone; she chopped off her locks but still killed the look. Congrats to Miss Granger for being so adorable and likeable!

 9.   Dido (Dido Florian Cloud ) 

Now I know that most of you probably forgot about her because she has been on hiatus for so long but you cannot forget her songs! This fine lady is responsible for hits like "Hunter", "Thank You", "Don't Leave Home" and the ever so popular "Here With Me" (which was also the theme song for the popular TV series Roswell). Rumor has it that she has been making music recently but hasn't been getting much exposure for it but for those of you who want to listen to her recent hits especially from her album "Safe Trip Home" just click >>>HERE<<<;. Aside from her voice and her meaningful lyrics, Dido's beauty and simplicity is what attracts me to her (#nohomo). She is just unique and simple. she doesn't throw herself in the spotlight like other comeback celebrities and Isn't a fame-whore. Dido, I love you (no homo).

8. Kate Beckinsale 

We all know this British bombshell as the sexy, kick-ass vampire (vampire) slayer in the Underworld series and we also know her as the sweet nurse from the forever loved Pearl Harbor (The movie she acted with Josh Hartnett and that other guy who thought it was a great idea to write, direct and act in "Good Will Hunting".) The most unbelievable thing about this missus is that she is a mind blowing 39 years old! Imagine being 39 and looking like that! She has clearly preserved her beauty well. The reason she is even on my list is because she is controversy free and respects herself as a woman and actress. She hasn't done anything to degrade herself (yet) and she will always be Britain's sweetheart with a smile that can light up dark tunnels. 


7. Emily Blunt

Despite having a face that resembles that of the typical uptight bitch living in the Kensington area of London, Emily Blunt is truly a remarkable beauty and she oozes sex appeal too. She has acted alongside A-Listers like Susan Sarandon, Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. Upon first glance, one might assume she was the controversial sans bitchy type but she is actually a really nice person and she is tremendously sweet and energetic too. I really admired her performance in The Devil Wears Prada simply because she played the role of uppity bitch really well (she did have the face for it.) So the main reason why she is my number sixth is that her looks are indeed deceiving- she looks mean but is extremely nice.


6.Thandie Newton

Surprise, surprise... Thandie Newton is NOT American, but British! I know, I suffered the same shock when I found out because most of the movies that I have seen her in were American. Then all of a sudden I recently found out that she is British. Shocker! She has acted in movies such as The Chronicles of  Riddick, Run, Fat Boy, Run, For Colored Girls and etc. Thandie is just exotic beauty. Her eyes are so playful and seductive and her smile is just enigmatic. She embodies the meaning of being a Black British woman is- you dont' have to have colored eyes to be a pretty black woman. She is on my list because I love her acting, smile and her personality. 


5. Anna Popplewell 

 She may not be as well known as the others or as blatantly gorgeous as the other British women, but Anna Popplewell is truly a beautiful lady. Some of you might remember her in the Narnia series... but other than that, she ceases to act (besides recently doing a promo for the 4th installment of the Halo series.) She is one of those celebrities who are abundantly famous in their country but fail to achieve the same level of fame in the US. She is slowly gaining recognition for making appearances in some of the future Narnia series. She may be regarded as ugly, or childish to some but to me, she is the very cherry on the crumpet tree. She has the signature red blown up lips and the blue eyes. all she's missing is the blonde hair but her brunette locks seem to do her justice. She fares really amazingly as the number five British lady simply because she is still young, very low key and (he very essence of beauty (I do prefer her to that Georgie Henley character).




4. Leona Lewis

Yes! We see you and hope that you won't forgive us for saying that you are simply stunning. Leona Lewis is one of those people you would turn twice at in a restaurant or any public area. She is the personification of what it's like to be British and Black (OK fine, she's not really black , she's part black but who cares! She's hot!) Sure, she is the typical cliche of grey eyes and caramel skin that exemplifies beauty at its finest but cliche schmiche. Leona was first brought into my spotlight when I heard her song "Bleeding Love" (you might've heard the Jesse McCartney version- the original one- but she totally nailed it) on the mainstream radio. She went on  to singing the main music theme for the award winning movie Avatar "I see You". he song Forgive Me was very catchy and showed an almost Broadway side of her. She was just amazing and had a wonderful voice and that was what made her qualified to be in my list.



3. Una Healy

If there were a million things I could say to describe Una's beauty it would take much more than one post and time too. Una Healy is indeed the epitome of beauty. She is living proof that being a ginger doesn't eternally fate you to freckles and less than pleasant looks. This flaming redhead is one of five members of the all female UK group "The Saturdays". Now a majority of you are probably wondering who the f*** are the Saturdays? Visit: www.thesaturdays.co.uk/ ‎ to find out more. To be honest, I only like Una not the music, it's almost too K-Pop for me. Anyway, the reason why she is number three on this list is because she's sexy and she knows it! There's that and the fact hat she doesnt flaunt her amazing life in our faces like most British ladies do (I mean have you seen TOWIE or Made in Chelsea? Total twats!) She hasn't created any controversy yet and she is also very pleasant to look at without being bored (in a platonic way, of course). This is the part where i do some promo for their music but since i dislike it, I will save you the torture. 


 2. Natasha Bedingfield

These words of my own cannot begin to describe how much I am stymied by this fine gentile. She really embodies the true meaning of being the stereotypical British lass. She's blonde, blue eyed, big smile and is related to Daniel Bedingfield (that guy who sang that one hit wonder If you're not the one) and has very whacky personality. She first mesmerized me in her song These Words which was then followed by a list of impressive melodies such as Angel, I Wanna Have Your Babies and Love Like This (feat. Sean Kingston). And ca you believe she's 30? Her bright smile and her talent makes her seem much younger than her age. This pop singer's veracity and vocals are what makes her deserve this number two position on my list. In case Natasha ever comes across this blog (Yeah, right!) I would love to say a million more things about her but it would require more than this tiny post to do so. Keep smiling and keep making music girl.




And the number one spot goes to......
1. Pixie Lott

Indeed, Pixie Lott is the number one classiest and most beautiful British gentile according to me. I mean, honestly, what is there not to like about this pixie featured lady? She's smart, stunning and has a big heart! She is gorgeous on the inside and the outside, plus, she has such a terrific personality teamed with a gorgeous smile! Pixie Lott first surfaced in 2009 and has been responsible for smash hits like Boys and Girls, Cry Me Out and the ever loved, Gravity. She has a voice that could almost give certain American singers a run for their stinking money. She is one of those women who have been caught countless times without their makeup on but still have the audacity to be proud about their acne filled face. I love this woman! And to think that she is only 20! What an achievement really! Overall, Pixie, if you ever- in some unimaginable way- come across this blog, just know that you are an amazing individual and that you will definitely give some singers a run for their money. Live long and prosper.


So there you have it. The top ten British ladies that I admire the most, starting from Emma Watson all the way to Pixie Lott. Congratulations to those who made it onto this insignificant list and for those who didn't make it, try to be involved in less scandals and wardrobe malfunctions, cupcakes :D Then again, those who were dangerously close to making the list were: Cheryl Tweedy, Sienna Miller, Catherine Zeta- Jones, And Amy Winehouse (OK, admittedly she had received a lot of bad press prior to her death and she was starting to make Jack Skellington look obese, but her voice really impressed me- that lady could sing!) In all fairness, whatever I wrote about these ladies shouldn't be taken as a sign of possible Homofaggity or as I like to put it Homofagus Repulsivus.

No Homo.

xoxo

It's Official

 Hello readers. As the title suggests, its official. What's official? October 11 is official. It is now one year since my last breakup (damn, I really lasted that long!). Which means it has officially been 1 year of battling inevitable insecurities, inevitable heartbreaks, unsuccessful dates, annoying stalkers and finally getting over that son of a good woman. I am proud of myself. Why? Because if I was a very cruel person, I would've immediately looked for a rebound relationship and then I'd be in deeper shit than I am now. I mean, I have gotten offers from men and some awkward love confessions too (demanding emails and even marriage proposals ensued) and I could've settled for them if I wanted to but I stood my ground and waited until I find someone who is worthy of me and my time. Ok fine, honestly, its because they want to just be with me with the hopes of getting sex out of it- i don't do such relationships by the way- or they just weren't up to my standards (every girl must have standards for a guy, I mean, you do not want to end up dating a freak do you? Hint taken then).

Until recently, all I've had were harmless crushes that literally went nowhere and usually ended with them either suddenly disappearing, or me losing interest. Like recently, I expressed interest in a group of these foreign exchange students. It might sound like an exaggeration, but seriously they were like the saviors of my eyes...To simply put it, they were beautiful. The moment they pass in front of me, they immediately fill my thoughts with impure scenarios (I'm joking!.. or am I?). But since I never see them again, I begin to wonder if they are even worth admiring anymore. Although I knew where they lived (as creepy as that sounds), they were like an oasis in the desert; one moment they were there and the next, they had disappeared. So I decided to  divert my attention away from them and am now focusing on the super cute part-time student waiter at our local sandwich bar. All I got so far from my sleuthing is his name. So far. (His name starts with a  "K" so in future references, I shall call him "Kellan"...or "Kyle".. yeah he looks like a "Kyle" rather than a "Kellan") But in time I know that i will get more than just his name. who knows? :P

So the lesson that I have learned from this one year dating hiatus is that, breakups are never easy. they will always be hard and they get harder especially when you are in the most uncomfortable situation where you're unfortunate enough to see your ex-boyfriend every single day. That is the absolute worst but the one thing you can do to combat this is to distract yourself. Find temporary crushes or even better, be with your friends more! Stop thinking of what could've been and whether the reason why he left you was because you did something wrong... Another thing you could do is to make use of your singlehood and ENJOY IT! We know that later in life you most probably wont be single so you wont have time for yourself. take this time to actually be all about YOU and not YOU and HIM. Don't worry, be happy. :) Before I end this post, here is some advice for you. :)

 

Hel-lo, Christian Grey! a.k.a Final 50 Shades of Grey Casting

Hello readers and fellow bloggers! I don't know about some of you but I have definitely been feeling the Fifty Shades of Grey craze! After illegally downloading the PDF version, because I was too cheap to spend money on the actual book itself, it has become my Holy Grail. I would read it on the public transports, or when I haven't paid my internet subscription for a month. Sometimes I read it as a bedtime story and sometimes I read it as a poem upon which my wildest fantasies will never be leveled with. Currently, the final contestants (candidates. possibilities, casting) for the role of Christian Grey have whittled down to these possibilities:

• Ian Somerhalder
• Matt Bomer
• Alexander Skarsgard 
• Ryan Gosling
• Henry Cavill
• Robert Pattinson

Now, I have created a sort of photo intro to help you, the audience and the directors choose who they think will be the best to play the delectable role of sexy Christian Grey. This is just my representation of the character and actors.. this is not the final cut. :)

Ian Somerhalder as Christian Grey:

 

 Matt Bomer as Christian Grey:

Henry Cavill as Christian Grey:

Alexander Skarsgard as Christian Grey:

Ryan Gosling as Christian Grey:

Robert Pattinson as Christian Grey:

 So what's the verdict readers? Who do YOU think will be best suited to play Mr. Grey? Who has what it takes to play Mr. Grey? Leave your comments below or you can email me your response. the winners will be announced in due time :) Happy drooling! 

  

Thank you! Gracias! Assante! Falemnderit! Takk! Hvala! Terima Kasih Merci! शुक्रिया! 谢谢! شكرا

Hello everybody! How are you all? Now as the title suggests I am expressing my gratitude in some of the common world languages that I know of. The expression of this gratitude is because I am really grateful for you all from different countries who have visited my blog. Apparently the most popular blogpost that was read was the one on Ian Somerhalder (Click Here For The Post) with a whopping 200+ views this month only! WOW. Even I'm amazed at the intensity of this. Recently, i have installed this flag counter that automatically detects which countries have been on my blog and have actually read it. It can be found on the top left corner below the title page. Some of the flags that have visited my blog are: 

Thank you all so much! I would love to blog about your countries one day! Welcome to all the new countries and I hope to continue seeing more countries involved! Thank you! :)

The Wanted at F.O.S... aka Call me Mrs George-Kaneswaran-McGuiness

Before we begin this post, I shall warn you that this was not posted by funny, awesome and highly intellectual Jenny but it was posted by silly, excited, mindless 16 year old Jenny (What can I do? The Wanted bring out my inner child!). Good morning bloggers and welcome to the The Wanted miniseries starring the ever so handsome Nathan Sykes, the ever so naughty Jay McGuiness, the ever so sexy Max George, the ever so gorgeous Siva Kaneswaran and the ever so boring Tom Parker. Yes, Wanted fans, I have done the inevitable and I have met the naughty boys yesterday at F.O.S (www.facebook.com/factoryoutletstore for their offers/contests/and whatnot). The journey there was definitely worth it and I missed all my evening classes just so I could meet them. Despite the huge crowd we were able to make it to the middle lane and made some new friends along the way. How amazing! So less talk and more photos. The photos are not really that good but they were the best that I could take and from the angle I was in but... Enjoy!

The ever so naughty Jay McGuiness with his cute unruly curls.

The boys (Tom Parker, Max George and Jay McGuiness).. all chummy with their fans

When they were leaving the store

Siva Kaneswaran blowing me a kiss... oh  SIGH!!!

The Wonderful boys. Love you guys!

True to life posters of them outside the store

2/3 of my fave boys! :)

I spy with my little eye... Jaybird! and Maxxxxxx

The final product... their autographys!

a very satisfied customer aka MOI

Those were what I could take at that time and regardless of their turnout It was amazing! I really enjoyed seeing them. BTW, our conversation went like this (trust me, its imprinted into my mind like a tattoo):

Nathan Sykes:  Hi, hello there love! are you alright? 

Me: *Nodding like a mute ape* Mhm

Nathan Sykes: That's great! You're so cute! and I love your shirt! 

Me: *Stupidly saunters away nodding* Thanks! 

Siva Kaneswaran: (Smiles for the first 6 seconds) Hello beautiful! How are you? 

Me: *dumbfucked expression* I'm Good *clears throat* thanks! 

Siva Kaneswaran: That's great! We love you yea! You got stunning eyes! 

Me: *does the Mambo Number 5 in her heart*

Tom Parker: (Can i just skip this part? Not much conversation happened anyway)

Max George: Hi lovely! How are you? You've got such beautiful eyes! 

Jay McGuiness: I love your eyes! They're so beautiful, hey Siva (beckons Siva) look at her eyes they're beautiful.

Siva Kaneswaran: So beautiful! Aww. she's all shy now. Hahaha 

Me: *So dumbfucked I can't do anything but smile shyly at them*

Max, Jay and Siva: See you later then! Bye! 

I swear to God, that was how it happened. I really wish they allowed us a picture with them, that would make my day even better! And the best part of the whole day was that SIVA KANESWARAN touched my hand when they exited. Now that is truly amazing. If they ever happen to stumble upon this blog (fingers crossed), they have to know that: 

"You guys are amazing, you really sing well and your all of a different character. Max and Jay, you make the best tag team naughty pair and you're both so animated! Siva, you have the most amazing jawline every and i love the structure of your face too! Nathan you are so friendly wonderful and very cheerful and its hard not to love you! Tom, no hate bro... you are amazing in your own way just not as communicative as the others. Again, thanks for making my year. (Jay, please keep those curls xx) I love you guys! Keep making music! XOXO"

To my readers i apologise or this 16 year old child in me but she's uncontrollable and I promise to let her have this one post ;) So I hope you liked the photos. I have video of their entrances and their exits too which I hope to upload onto YouTube soon at my channel @nottychickz65 or @jennyramo. Whichever. So just look out for that ;)

Mobile Blogging: 7 hours...The Wanted and Mo' Help

7 more hours until I get to see The Wanted! And yes I am as excited as Octavia Spencer when she got that job in that movie The Help (honestly though, to me that was the second movie that made me weep like a virgin who just lost her... Well... Virginity ). Speaking of that movie, I heard there was a sequel and that it was called The Help 2: Mo' Help.

Haha. No I'm just kidding. That was the spoof version by Shane Dawson who is this (almost within reach of a celebrity status) video blogger and comedian on YouTube and I swear by his videos. But more on that later when I do my post on YouTube reviews which will talk about the three blogs that are also my Holy Trail of humor.

So to sum up this very awesome mobile blog (CAN YOU BELIEVE MY MOBILE BLOGGER FINALLY WORKS! AFTER WEEKS OF TRYING TO TET IT FIXED I FINALLY GOT IT TO WORK WITH THIS ACCOUNT. AND WHY AM I STILL TYPING IN CAPS?) OH RIght, just disabled caps lock.

Ok so now that I have mobile blogger, I promise to update my blog and to post live blogposts... Ok fine sometimes.. lol. But I will definitely post my update on The Wanted!

Until then, au revoir, chicos and chicas.

;)

The Phone Age..The Life cycle of a Teenager's Cellphone

Hello readers. If you're expecting some travel and living documentary about the ergonomics and engineering of a cellphone then you're lost. This is definitely not the blog for you. This post is concerned with a very recent purchase that I made of a brand new phone (a certain HTC One series phone). So that got me thinking... why not write a blog post about our first phones and their slow transitions. I remember the days when I was in High School... Cell phones didn't really become a trend until we hit the 9th grade. That was when they became all the rage and those who owned one were the envy of others. Back in the days (the 1990s to be exact), only the rich kids owned a cellphone and cellphones that time were heavier that a brick (looked like a brick too) and they were the perfect revenge weapon (self defense too! Just give him one and he lands the top  spot in the emergency room). Trust me, for those who are unfortunate enough to be born in the 2000s, the phones were super huge! And the most popular brand was Nokia. For a little visual aid, just look at the monstrosity that we considered 'cool' back then!

These babies were thicker than some of our waistlines back then. It was ginormous! But being without one was like choosing to be a social pariah. That time my dad did not believe that "kids my age' (I was 12... -_-) should own cellphones (which didn't stop him from throwing his at our faces whenever he had the chance). His 'rational argument' was that, "Children like you should focus on your studies so that you can get into good collages after that. Not spend time SMSing your friends and boyfriends (he gave me a very evil eye at the word 'boyfriends')". Oh, Puh-lease dad! Like the college thing ended up great anyway. So during those two years, I was literally categorized into the social pariah group in the 7th and 8th grades. We were the sullen ones who mooned in the corner because we couldn't join into conversations that involved phrases like "text", "replied" or "credit".

Then from the 7th to 8th grade onwards it was all about camera-phones with high megapixels and that was when Sony Ericsson butted in and rocked Nokia's world. Everyone literally ran to the stores to purchase the latest phone with the highest megapixels and resolution (this was also the time that the "duck-face" photo pose was invented). The conversations transitioned from "He didn't text me today, what should I do?" to "How does this picture look?". All the social pariahs were now upgraded to loser status. Luckily for me and not so luckily for them, i officially resigned from the League of Extraordinary Social Inadequates and joined the League of Super Trendy Cellphone B*tches. Taking photos was the bomb! Everyone was so into it until it became an outdated thing and suddenly smartphones were the schizz.

And trust me, smartphones were not so great looking back in the days...they were large, bulky and weighed more than some of us these days. This was the time for Palm Pilot to shine. they were the biggest manufacturers of smartphones and they made teenagers around the world plenty happy. their Then Blackberry realized that they could also win this game... tenfold and so they cam,e up with their own version of the smartphone... one that allows another user of the same smartphone to chat for free, without any cost. Hence they devised the much thinner and more delectable QWERTY smartphones.Faster texting that is enough to outrun Usain Bolt and (finally) replying speed that is enough to give Michael Phelps a run for his money.

So then qwerty pads started to get annoying because they made this irritating clicking sound and they replaced it with the even more annoying touchscreen. the touchscreen then was not equivalent to the touchscreen now because the touchscreen then enabled teenage girls to outgrow their nails so they can be long enough to tap the screen with. This resulted in the threshold of annoyance, the redundant tip-tap-tip of girls on their cellphones. I believe this was also when O.P.I Nail Lacquer companies made their profits. Then loudmouth mothers and annoyed fathers complained to the phone companies and they finally came up with non-nail-responsive touchscreen phones (aka. they were more silent). They were also admittedly thinner, faster and kept you connected to the world!

So I believe that smartphones are not only a liability but they have made our generation-and I quote in meme terms- le stupid. Instead of making communications easier they have made our wallets emptier and our Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Kik more annoying. But still... who doesn't want a phone that is way smarter than them, eh?

And that, kids is how the mobile phone has evolved throughout time. Thank you all for tuning into the Tech Savvy and the Technology Illiterate show! I'm your host Jenny and we'll see you in a few days!

xx

The Wanted: I Definitely Want Them!

Hello Bloggers! T'is a great day today for me and it continues to be a great day as well. Why? The title says it all. Yes that's right, The Wanted have finally docked into my current town and I cannot stop acting like an overexcited 15 year old girl with a crush on her gym teacher (ew...). Remember my previous post (click on this link to see it) about The Wanted finally having their concert and that I would be going? The former was indeed true (except for the part when the concert has been changed from the 18th of September Tuesday to the 17th of September which is TONIGHT, Monday) but the latter has changed. Tickets were sold out pretty fast thanks to my procrastination and my lack of  great time-keeping plus my over zealous confidence

that I would definitely get a great ticket towards the end. 

But thank GOODNESS Universal Studios felt sorry for us and provided an alternative for those who really wanted to see... erm.. The Wanted.This opportunity comes in the form of a meet and greet tomorrow (18th of September 2012) with the lads themselves (flesh and bones baby!) and getting our The Wanted Posters/Limited Edition T-Shirts/Albums signed plus a photo snapping session with them. Oh how delightful for us cheapskates! 

So for now my world is content as I know exactly who I want to take photos with... *ahem* and those are... MAX GEORGE and JAY McGUINNESS! (Yes, they are the hottest and the best members of the Wanted and I am totally devoted to them :D ). So at the end of the day, I get to meet The Wanted, get my things signed and I have the opportunity to snap a bit of Jay's hair and use it to my voodoo advantage.. MWAHAHA! Just Kidding... (or am I...?) 

Wanted pictures will accompany this post really soon. 

xoxo

Of Men and D*cks

Picture this scenario. One fine day you open your Facebook account and voila you get a not so anonymous inbox from this too cute to be true guy. In a state of shock and bewilderment,u freeze for a few seconds before responding and then it transforms into weeks of Skype-ing, Kik-ing, Whatsapp-ing and other forms of communication. Everything goes perfectly fine until he ruins the whole situation by suddenly bringing the focus of the conversation to his d*ck and its qualities and special name (trust me, some pervs actually name their wood). This is what boggles me about some men: Why in the world must the conversation always be brought back to how impressive or big your d*ck is? I know this is hard to believe, but not all women are interested in those petty details. We responded to your inbox because we want to know more about YOU not your best friend Willy! 

I mean, you dont hear us diverting the conversation back to the size of our boobs or the weight and fullness of them. Good Morning readers! Today's blogpost is inspired by a very recent conversation i had with an anonymous reader of mine. He came across my blog and had a lot of questions regarding my previous post titled Sh*t boys do before asking a girl out so he emailed me with the email i provided in my biography box and suddenly it became a daily thing. So admittedly we had been chatting for almost two weeks now and from asking for dating advice it became questions related to the size and length of his d*ck. Being a smart girl, I was immune to this disgusting convo and immediately categorized him under my SPAM (happily knowing that his message will definitely be deleted in 10 days if I dont read it). That boys is a definite conversation killer. 

If you think that by selling your 'goods' to a girl you like is going to get you a date with her, then you are most probably wrong. 'Goods' have expiry dates, so remember not all girls respond positively to such requests. Asking a girl if she wants to know how big your wood is and then answering your own question before she answered it will cost you a ticket to Loserville together with a lifetime pass at embarrassment. Guys, before you actually think of doing some PR for your p*nis, imagine talking to her in person and you suddenly whipping out your d*ck! Trust me, that situation is horrible. So in future, its not all about your d*ck guys, she likes you for your personality. Period. Have a nice day doowops! 

With Death Comes Fame: RIP Michael Clarke Duncan

Hello readers! Please be shocked that I'm actually playing Obituary and posting about a death of a celebrity (something I never really do unless I'm looking for some publicity for my blog.. which isn't what I'm doing now). On Monday the 3rd of September, news that 54 year old actor Michael Clarke Duncan had died was ignored for that day and the twitter messages hash-tagged-RIPMCH and etc. started flooding in the day after which I find pretty stupid. Over the years, I have noticed a certain Fame-after-Death pattern when it involves celebrity deaths.  I mean, I don't think I'm the only one who noticed this pattern. It seems that when you die, the can of worms is suddenly open. Everybody suddenly remembers who you are and all of a sudden you're way mor popular in your death than when you were alive. For instance, when Michael Jackson was alive, the only thing anyone ever remembered about him was "that time his nose fell off in public", not his wonderful music (prior to his 'accidental' skin bleaching**). Or when Vincent Van Gogh was alive, I bet people referred to him as  "that crazy geezer who was so hungry that instead of buying beef jerky, he ate his own ear jerky" but when he died suddenly everyone's rushing to squander millions of dollars onto his artwork that looks like he was painting them with his feet. 

Now with Michael Clarke Duncan dead, everyone suddenly remembers him as "that guy from the Green Mile" and not "that huge creepy black guy from Daredevil" or the more famous "guy from the green Mile whose fame was recently overshadowed by that creepy 50 year old who married that underage blonde bimbo". For those of you who are still missing the point, Michael Clarke Duncan  has passed away (Ad his wife is Omarosa** from The Apprentice). Michael Clarke Duncan from the Green Mile, your time has come and you will be greatly missed. We wish you well in the afterlife and I hope that you meet your Maker. RIP. 

**Rumor has it that according to Michael Jackson himself, the reason why his skin turned out the way it is was that he was burnt so bad that the 'only option' was to bleach his skin. (I'll believe that when Anderson Cooper suddenly announces that his gayness was a joke and that he was really straight this whole time.)

**Omarosa was the embarrassing African-American woman who was a contestant on The Apprentice (Donald Trump's way of saying "I'm too lazy to personally find some employees so I'm gonna let the suckers fight for the job by making a game show and plus I'd rather comb my toupee") and talked way too much. I apologize for her annoyance on and off the show. ut on a more serious note, our deepest condolances. 

xoxo

My New Fashion Blog

Hello readers (and stalkers from other countries!) How are you all? This post is to notify you of my new blog which will be solely dedicated to fashion. This does not mean that it will be the demise of this   very interesting and sassy blog. It just means that I have provided an alternative blog for you all to read when it comes to dealing with grueling topics such as what shoes to wear with which outfit or what beauty tricks are the best for your skin type. This blog will be updated every two days (and I mean it too!). So buckle up, get your Louboutins ready and enjoy this blog! The official post for this blog will start on the 28th of August so stay tuned! 

>>>>>>>>CLICK HERE FOR MY FASHION BLOG<<<<<<<<

Welcome to Gaynesia!

Good Morning readers and stalkers from around the world! Today's blogpost is inspired by what I noticed around me in these recent years. The sudden rise of gay men in today's society is simply alarming. Wherever I turn, there's a gay guy checking out my outfit. Its like the whole world has suddenly become a whole new Gaynesia! Back in the days when the slightest indication of being gay was immediately rewarded with a hole through the brain (an ancient gay antidote), being gay was the biggest shit anyone could get themselves into. Nowadays, being gay is like eating a bag of Doritos and nobody gives a crap. Another inspiration for this blog was the sudden announcement of the coming out of the CNN news anchor Anderson Cooper and the discovery that Matt Bomer (the blue-eyed, brunette hunk of the show White Collar) is (that's right) gay. Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams ladies, but i just had to reveal it before any disappointments later ensued.

The most common stereotype of gay men is that they are fashion fanatics and love glitter. That they also love going on shopping sprees and love to hang out in groups with more girls than guys.Little do people know that nowadays if that was what gay people really were based on that stereotype then every guy who hung out with groups of girls, or who loved to dress well is considered gay. How retarded and stupid is that? Just because a guy dresses well, likes to take care of himself and shops at high end, quality stores doesn't mean that he is a bonafide GAY. He could be uh... I don't know... METRO-SEXUAL? 

What bothers me the most is that society tends to paint a picture of a perfect gay this way. This is even more annoying because we don't even know what the word GAY means anymore. People are confused about the meaning of the word gay no more than they are confused with the spelling of necessities (double C or S?) The word 'gay' itself has evolved from meaning 'happy' and 'cheerful' to meaning 'a person who prefers someone of the same sex'. A gay person is someone who likes his/her own gender. Period.  And its not like its a necessity for gay men to be feminine in nature. Some of my acquaintances who recently became gay are the manliest men I know. You don't have to be feminine to be gay. Likewise, you don't have to be gay to be feminine. 

In the case of females who are gay, its the same. There are some females that are very masculine in nature but they prefer the opposite gender. Its safe to say that gay women haven't really been distorted or imprinted as masculine in nature by the media into the brains of the citizens. In conclusion, this post was to contribute to the vocabulary of our media influenced society by clarifying that 'gay' is not the same as 'gay'. Needless to say that I do NOT support gay people, and I do not approve of gay marriage. Its something completely unnatural and disgusting for me. Think about this, if everyone became gay, how will we reproduce and continue to live in this world? My philosophy is: if you want to be gay, be gay, just not around me. 

PS: For those who feel mildly or insanely insulted by this post (especially the gay community), remember I did not insult anybody or defame anyone. I'm actually doing you a favor by explaining to society the difference between being gay and acting gay. You're welcome, bitches. 

xx